I was diagnosed with alopecia when i was 20 years old and it was the worst feeling in the world. I watched my hair fall out in clumps and did not know why. I use to have such long thick beautiful hair that my mom was always jealous of. I was so broken up when my doctor told me it was just going to keep falling out. I tried for a long time to cover up the spots with makeup and everything i could think of. Finally it got to hard to cover it up and i had cut me hair as short as i could. I remeber like it was yesterday going to pick out my first wig and how scared and sad i was. When I purchased it i got home i took my moms hair clippers locked myself in the bath room and shaved my head. The hardest part was watching it all fall to the ground chunk by chunk. When i came out i can still remeber the tears streaming down my moms face. I tried so hard to be strong and make jokes about it saying things like " oh well no more long showers or doing my hair in the morning" (which sometimes is a bonus lol) the truth is though i was crushed inside and felt i had to be strong for her and everyone else.

Every since then it has just kept falling out i know have no eyelashes or eyebrows and have noticed it spreading to my arms. Everyone i have ever told about my alopecia has been understanding and tells me they would never know cause i cover it up so well. The only thing i cant cover up anymore is how i feel. I have kept it to myself for 4 years, putting on a brave front and it has done more damage then good. Now that i found this site i feel i can let it all out. I wonder somedays if i never had hair to begin with would this be easier, instead of having to watch it fall out and going through it all. I know that my hair does not make me who i am it is just a small part of me but it still sucks.

The worst part i have found is trying to meet guys and explaining it to them. I am worried about how they will react. When I started to go bald I had a boyfriend he was with me the whole time, but that ended and now I am trying to get back out there. I am glad it has not stopped me but I find it alot harder to date and be me when i worry about it all the time. Fortunate for me I have found a real genuwine guy that i am able to talk to about it and it does not bother him. He makes me feel better about my alopecia and about myself, he is amazing!!!!

Today though was the day I told my mom how i really feel, it is a new chapter in my life finally coming to terms with it. She was heartbroken to hear it but she understood and i knew she would she is an amazing mother I could never ask for a better one. I love you mom cause i know you will read this. I know it hurts her to watch me go through this but I have her there and many other people so I will be fine.

The only thing left is for me to work on being comfortable in my own skin. I wish i had the courage that most girls on this site have to not be ashamed and be free and bald. That is something i have to work on.