Comment by Aponi HF on July 26, 2014 at 9:50pm

Bonsoir amina, je sais que c'est vraiment dur pour toi d'avouer ça a ton mari, moi aussi ça m'arrive avec mon petit copain, d'ailleurs la seule personne à qui je parle aisement sur ça est ma soeur, jaime pas avouer que j'ai mal devant mes soeurs aussi. mais fallait  que je parle a mon petit copain sur ça, tu sais, rien qu'en parlant je me sentais trop embrassée, j'avais tellement peur qu'il me lâche à cause de ça, mais j'ai pris mon courage et je lui ai raconté tout, mais il n'a jamais vu les parties vides de ma chevelure, parfois j'essaie de lui parler lui dire combien ça me fait mal, et crois moi il a toujours était la pour me soutenir, quand je lui dit imagine moi sans cheveux ( chauve la téte) il me dit : yoo c'est trop style ça, on est a distance moi et lui, mais sinon j'aurai lui montrer ma chevelure vide, souvent je pense à ça et je me demande comment va etre ma vie avec lui un jour !!

Je te conseille de parler avec ton mari d'abord, de lui dire ce que tu sens envers ta chute, il va te comprendre certainement, ne te cache pas , montre lui parce que tu vas pas vivre avec la perruque tout le temps, d'ailleurs c'est ton mari et ta moitié c'est la première personne à qui tu racontes tes soucis, et dit toi qu'au pire ce n'est que des poils.

tout mes voeux de bonheur pour toi.

Comment by Amouna on July 26, 2014 at 10:31pm

I talked with him and when I lose all my hair I said for him "" if I lose all my hair you'll still love me ?
He just looked at me and never answered !but his eyes told me good answer .
But the main problem I don't want him to see me ugly ! Because I lose my hair eyelashes and the left eyebrow . When I clean the make up and take off the wig I look ugly ..
I don't want him to see me ugly ..
The problem in me inside me .

Comment by Tommy on July 27, 2014 at 7:25am

Hi Amina. You shouldn't feel insecure about showing or telling your husband about your alopecia. If he truly loves you, he will love you with or without hair. That said, I understand that you are afraid of how he will react when you either tell or show him. I think that this has a lot to do with maturity, and his own insecurities. If he is mature and if he 'rests in himself' (hope you know what I mean). Then he will accept and love you for the 'whole you'. Now regarding ugliness, in my opinion 'ugly people' doesn't exist :)

You need to learn to accept and love yourself, for who you are (meaning the whole you, including alopecia and please do not say bad things about yourself. Also stress and frustrations only make this condition worse, believe me I know.)

To get back to your question about your husband, you could test his reactions by showing him some people with alopecia on the internet, google alopecia and show him, see how he reacts, and then ask him if he know about this disease. Tell him that the reason you show him, is because you know someone very close to you who has alopecia. See how he reacts and take it from there..

Kind regards,

Tommy

Comment by Amouna on July 27, 2014 at 9:40pm

Thank you tommy about your advice
I know every singl words that you said its true , but in practice it will be bit hard , because the closer people to me are influence on me so much .. Also
Sometime I feel peace with my self and I feel i accpted all things , but people around me make me feel my hair problem by thire question .

Comment by Janet Morris on July 28, 2014 at 1:16am

Hi Amina, 

Sharing our secret can be scary. It would be good at this time to remember why he married you - all the things he loves about you - that only you possess. Maybe it's your smile, your laughter, your wit, your sensual ways, your beautiful heart your selfless demeanor, your sense of humor and … your beautiful face. These are the things he fell in love with. That doesn't suddenly disappear when you lose an eyebrow - which you can easily learn draw on beautifully.  It helped me in the beginning to tell my man at the time that - "I have this issue - I don't know if my hair will grow back or not, but you never have to worry because I'll always look the same for you - wigs are so great nowadays you won't be able to tell the difference between my own hair and the wig."

However at the same time, you do want a man who is going to support you regardless of your hair,

I told my man, "you know in this life - if we got married, there will many things that we will have to live through together as life ahas a way of throwing you many curves and it's vital we are on the same page - as one. And if a little thing like hair is going to throw you in the opposite direction then we will NEVER make it. There is so much that we have that is extraordinary or we would have never taken our vows. We can work with this out together, It would mean a lot to me to know you can handle this and that you are there for me. I want you to be involved in my process not alienate yourself from it. If you need time to process this it's ok. I won't judge you I'll be right here. Who knows we could make it fun. Just think I can be a different woman every night!"

It will be okay. Just remember how special you are and HE IS LUCKY TO HAVE YOU! YOU ARE THE PRIZE _ regardless of hair!   Janet       

Comment by Garden Girl on July 29, 2014 at 8:55am

Amina,

If all goes well, marriage is for a long time....I have AU.  I have been married to a wonderful man for 30 years.  In the beginning of our marriage, I too slept with a wig.  As time went on, and I found the courage to dialogue with him, I realized I wasn't giving him a full chance.  He knew all about me when we married.  I think I needed to get over myself and trust him to be the man I thought he was when we married and he proved to be.  My husband is very shy yet as time went on he fully supported me in my decision to come out to the world.  His love has inspired me to a new level of self acceptance.  It started with trusting him and not projecting my own fears that he would reject me onto him. 

Peace

Comment by Amouna on July 29, 2014 at 7:09pm

Hi Janet Morries
Thank you for your advice,
Your words is so helpful to me .

Amina

Comment by Amouna on July 29, 2014 at 7:16pm

Hi Garden girl
Im happy because I found who where same situation like me . And her life is goes on with successfully .
That exactly what I need .
Because my husband always support me but I've fear inside me from future .
Thank you
Amina

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