A girl stares into her bathroom mirror and doesn't recognize the face she sees. Putting up her hood she hopes that the covering will bring back some form of recognition. Next she tries a hat followed by jewelry, make-up, a scarf. Nothing she places in the reflection can help her to give the girl in the mirror a name. Who is this girl? When did she lose the ability to recognize herself? Is that girl in the mirror really her? She watched tears slowly run the the cheeks of that girl, the one in the mirror that looks just like her but completely different. With her head down and her spirits shattered she walks away with the question of what her future holds.
Alopecia is a life changing occurrence. People look at you different, treat you different, view you different. Chances are you have been asked if you were dying or why you would cut your hair so funny. People can be harsh. It is easy for them to judge us based on what they see rather than who we are. They don't need to know anything about us for their assumptions. The names and insults slide easily off their tongues. Some people are so cruel that it can be difficult to leave the house or try new things because the thought of facing new people is so off-putting.
Even harder than facing other people is facing ourselves in the mirror. Alopecia changes our perspective on the world along with our perspective on ourselves. We grow up seeing a face in the mirror assuming that it will always be that face we see. As Alopecia makes itself present in our lives the face in the mirror changes. We lose track of who we are while we learn to deal with the events in our lives. Along with typical trials of life we must learn how to cope with something that makes us unique from our peers. Depending on who you are you may face self loathing, disappointment, fear, insecurity, and any number of emotions that can tear us down and break us.
While we deal with all this we can begin to lose who we really are based on how the people around us are perceiving who we are. What happened to that girl who was surrounded by friends in school or the man who had a line of women waiting for a conversation if nothing else? Are we still confident, beautiful, or attractive? Our reflections lose part of ourselves as our appearance changes. We don't recognize the face so why would anyone else. We begin to draw back from the people around us and lose touch with society and the people around us.
Through my experience I have hit a low of my depression, wanting to lock myself away so that I may never need deal with such horrible situations again. I spent my childhood with my caretakers pretending that my hair wasn't falling out and my teen years being harassed to the point that I was unwilling to go to school. It was so bad that I risked failing school just so I could avoid the classmates who accused me of being a lesbian, a satanist, and diseased because of who I looked. After all this I felt like there was no choice but to live my life feeling as though I would always be ostracized from my peers. At some point, after I saw how much worse my life could be, I decided enough was enough.
I was sick of the harassment and the abuse. I realized that my life was worth more than how I was treated by the people around me. I was more and will always be. My Alopecia, something that made my life hard, helped to make me who I am. I look back now knowing that I was given a gift. I learned first hand what it was like to be treated badly and misunderstood. I will always have a kindness and understanding that a lot of people lack. I can make a difference in my world and hopefully the kind words and actions effect the people around me in such a way that they continue to positively effect the people in their lives. I will always have a unique understanding that a lot of my peers lack. I will be stronger, wiser, and braver then the people who hide behind mean words and actions.
When I look into the mirror I don't shed tears for the person that I used to be. I stopped crying over who I might have been if I had a full head of hair. I realized that I am so much more. Now, after all the heartache I know that I can make a difference in someone's life. My Alopecia is a badge of honor. It helped to make me who I am. Without my Alopecia I would have been a completely different person, someone that I might not be proud to be. Just like the scars and wrinkles that freckle my body my Alopecia is a reminder of all that I have gone through, another part of the map to my life. With it I am stronger than I could ever have dreamed of.
Instead of living our lives hurt and upset because we are different we should celebrate that we are blessed with such a unique perspective on the world. We are all beautiful inside and out. We are so much more. Now when I look in the mirror I can no longer see myself with a full head of hair. As my hair slowly grows back I become more uncomfortable with the acceptance so easily given to me when I look "normal". I look in the mirror with a smile on my face tears filled with my gratitude that I was given the life I have. As I walk away I think about that girl I used to be and while I miss her innocence I wouldn't change who I am, a reflection of the survival of our society and the fight against ourselves.
When you look into the mirror I pray that you don't see the hardest parts of life reflected back. I have hope that you may see the opportunities that are presented to you. Faith that you know you are more than the fear which may hold you back. More than anything I have pride that we are in this together, that we may rely on each other for support and kind words, that we have comrades to help us wade our way through life.
For each person who has had tears in their eyes, fear of rejection. To all the people who need a hand to hold or a shoulder to lean on. For each child that is scared of what lies ahead of them. Remember. You're not alone.