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Old memories resurfacing
I found out today that my brother is moving from Ontario to here in Alberta. My mom has been discussing with him for a while now about making the move. I'm truly happy about having him closer as its been many years since I have seen him. But with this move comes old memories and securities. You see he was the kindest when I was first diagnosed with alopecia and in fact he was the one that told all the kids at school that I was Bald and wore a wig. I know we are now adults and have fought our own personal battles. But that little girl inside me is still on edge. Today was the first day in five months that I put on a wig when I went out for the day. My confidence was definitely shaken today and he is expected in on Wednesday.
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Comment by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on May 14, 2011 at 9:21pm
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Oops that should have been insecurities and wasn't the kindest.
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Comment by Tallgirl on May 15, 2011 at 7:42pm
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Talk to him about it before he gets here.
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Comment by Norm on May 16, 2011 at 6:46pm
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Or alternatively, keep a handy length of 2-by-4 behind the door, and make sure he sees it when he arrives... and tell him you're no longer the pushover he might think you are :)
But seriously.... that Little Kid is there in all of us, and it doesn't take much for him/her to put in an appearance.... especially regarding old fears that you thought were long buried. But sometimes, that fear is bigger than the situation warrants - we're our own worst enemies when it comes to assessing that sort of thing, and come Thursday you might well be wondering why you were so worried!
Maybe you need to talk to yourself instead - examine who you are, where you're at, and just where did Big Strong Terri, who's fine with being bald, go to??? Tell her to take the Little Girl out and buy her an ice cream, cos who can love her better than you yourself?? :)
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Comment by Lisa Santer on May 16, 2011 at 10:11pm
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I'm with Norm here.
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Yah.... we are our own worst enemies and I guess a step in the right direction is realizing that. The anticipation is alot worse than the reality, as Im sure everything will work out. Til then I will have to keep that little girl happy and distracted. Well at least I dont have to worry about the stress of the situation resulting in more hair loss. :-O LOL
Thank guys, I will keep you posted.
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Comment by David B327 on May 19, 2011 at 10:01pm
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I’m sorry to hear that Terri. Nevertheless I am sure that the strong, confident Terri will return.
I have problems in dealing with the past sometimes. I have learned to cope with my blindness, though it took me a long time to do so. I occasionally come across people that I’ve not seen for years, who knew me when I was able bodied. It makes me feel sad that I know when I last met this person there was stuff I could do then I can’t do now. Of course I know that all the time, but in these cases I always feel really sad - though of course I always bounce back.
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Hiya Jayne - you OK in That London? Gimme Berwick any day.... or a day out in the Spanish City in Whitley Bay! Errrrm.... OK.... maybe not.... :)
That response you have to being spoken to (at?) in a certain way is Pavlovian - no, I don't mean you have the urge to eat a creamy, fruity dessert, I mean it's learned - so when "X" happens, you respond with "Y". And yes, it's really hard to unlearn stuff like that, but it can be done - you just need to put yourself in that position over and over, and you can begin to break the association. So, are ya gonna do it, Punk?? :)
Terri - how'd it go? Is Big Bruv now welcome Chez Tez, or have you hospitalized him???? Do tell.... :)
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Oh Norm....I so enjoy reading your comments. You have such a wonderful sense of humor. Well let's see what happened on Wednesday. Well got the voicemail from mom telling me she was on the to the airport to pick up my brother. She wanted to find out when I thought I was getting off work and to go out for dinner. Explained that I would contact her as soon as I knew as to when I was close to being done and it was her call or my brothers as to if they wanted to wait around. About an hour later I got a text from my brother saying he was tired and heading straight to mom's. (BTW mom is 3 1/2 hrs away from me) Told him to stop by my work for a quick hi on their way out of town. No reply. Got a message the next day to when I was going to make the trip out of town to see him now. So to answer your question Norm about the hospitalization ..... after that call..I just might hurt him. LOL. They couldn't make a 15 minute detour but I can make a 6 hr return trip visit.
Question......Why do we love our families?????? ROFL
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What's that expression? "We can choose our friends, but we can't choose our families"? Well, maybe.... but we can also choose whether or not we drive 6 or 7 hours on our day off to see 'em....
OK, send a text arranging to meet half way. Make sure it's late at night in a deserted diner (just a minute, this sounds a bit like a certain long-running '60's sci-fi series...), and don't forget the 2-by-4 I mentioned earlier. Result: stress, anxiety, years of frustration all melted away.
See? Who said life had to be hard? :)
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I wouldn't make excuses about the mileage or time. I'd just text, "Oh, too bad you couldn't swing by. Hope you'll find a way to visit me here sometime soon." Just make sure you make the visit, if he does, memorable in a sweet way, so YOU are remembered kindly! I bowed out of traveling to my son's basic training graduation, but wished him well. Sometimes you just have to love the ones you're with, the peace you're with, rather than go where stress may reside!
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