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Oprah got it wrong...
I love me some Oprah, I do. She struggles with her weight. I struggle with my weight. She motivates people. I motivate people. She has a passion for sharing information that can help us improve our lives. I have a passion for sharing such information (though I’ve done it on a much smaller scale). When Oprah ran a marathon, I wanted to run a marathon. And I did run a marathon. Because Oprah inspired me. Because Oprah made me think it was possible.
Oprah usually gets it right. But for the breast cancer show with Christina Applegate, Oprah got it wrong. Okay, the breast cancer stuff was great. And “Breast Cancer Battles” was the topic. She got that right. Of course she did.
But then she made an off-hand comment that made my heart sink. I’ve searched all over the Internet for the exact verbiage but can’t find it. (Note: Oprah really needs to get her show online. Seriously.) So I’m forced to paraphrase.
I think it was during the Maimah segment. God, I hope I’m getting this right. Maimah is this beautiful, thirty-something, African American breast cancer survivor. She is talking about a moment when she’s in the bathroom, crying softly, the water running in the shower so her Mom won’t hear. She’s naked, and bald from the chemo, and she’s thinking that nobody will ever want her again, nobody will ever love her again, not without breasts, not without hair.
Oprah is being compassionate and supportive. She is nodding. But the hair grows back, she says, the hair always grows back.
I cringe.
Yes, the hair grows back after chemotherapy. But with that one comment, Oprah has just perpetuated the belief that you’re only okay with hair.
She gets that you can be okay after a double mastectomy. She gets that you can be strong and courageous and beautiful without breasts, and with scars, but she doesn’t get that you can be strong and courageous and beautiful without hair.
I want to grab her shoulders and shake her.
Maimah gets it.
"I had this whole facade of being superwoman, always being perfect. Breast cancer strips you of that because you realize that's not important," she says. "All that matters is what's inside.”
And she specifically mentioned the hair.
Am I the only one who gets hot and bothered by things like this?!
Oprah usually gets it right. But for the breast cancer show with Christina Applegate, Oprah got it wrong. Okay, the breast cancer stuff was great. And “Breast Cancer Battles” was the topic. She got that right. Of course she did.
But then she made an off-hand comment that made my heart sink. I’ve searched all over the Internet for the exact verbiage but can’t find it. (Note: Oprah really needs to get her show online. Seriously.) So I’m forced to paraphrase.
I think it was during the Maimah segment. God, I hope I’m getting this right. Maimah is this beautiful, thirty-something, African American breast cancer survivor. She is talking about a moment when she’s in the bathroom, crying softly, the water running in the shower so her Mom won’t hear. She’s naked, and bald from the chemo, and she’s thinking that nobody will ever want her again, nobody will ever love her again, not without breasts, not without hair.
Oprah is being compassionate and supportive. She is nodding. But the hair grows back, she says, the hair always grows back.
I cringe.
Yes, the hair grows back after chemotherapy. But with that one comment, Oprah has just perpetuated the belief that you’re only okay with hair.
She gets that you can be okay after a double mastectomy. She gets that you can be strong and courageous and beautiful without breasts, and with scars, but she doesn’t get that you can be strong and courageous and beautiful without hair.
I want to grab her shoulders and shake her.
Maimah gets it.
"I had this whole facade of being superwoman, always being perfect. Breast cancer strips you of that because you realize that's not important," she says. "All that matters is what's inside.”
And she specifically mentioned the hair.
Am I the only one who gets hot and bothered by things like this?!
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Comment by Mary on June 18, 2009 at 7:03pm
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Thanks for posting this. You are SO right! I didn't see the show, but it makes me really angry. I (and other women with alopecia) have been writing to Oprah for quite awhile, trying to interest her in a show about US. NOT a "make-over" show where we get the beauty help we "need", i.e. wigs, but a show about proudly bald women. I've never had a response. This is just adding insult to injury. Maybe this is a way to get her (or her producers') attention...protest this and suggest again that she make it right by doing a show about aa.
Mary
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Comment by panuelo girl on June 18, 2009 at 7:47pm
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I've been tweeting her producers but so far no response. I really think Oprah could learn a few things from us. One day!
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Comment by Carol on June 18, 2009 at 8:28pm
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You should so spam her, we all should! Mary's right this does piss some of us off to put it bluntly. It doesn't surprise me that Oprah hasn't done a show on proud bald women though simply because it wouldn't tear at the hearts of Americans everywhere, albeit liberating the network plays the heart strings! Perhaps we should focus on a better celeb to get our message across from now on (get Obama to visit a NAAF conference or something???). It's partially due to these little media ignorances that I've stopped watching cable altogether. I watched an episode of American Dad once where the teenage daughter went bald and the dad told her that she looked like a male body part - now that's rude!!! I just put a comic up on my page of Ziggy and he asks the bank teller (or whatever she is) when they added the short and bald surcharge. Keep on it and try to right the wrongs, maybe you'll open someone's eyes. :)
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But spam in a nice way, right? We want her support and understanding. I still think she'd do the show if she just understood! Sigh. Speaking of positive coverage, did anyone see True Life with Rebecca who has alopecia? I thought it was GREAT. It's an MTV show, one that I am probably too old to watch, but sooo well done. I cried, and I don't cry about my hair much anymore. I wish I could link to it. Maybe it's here somewhere. Awesome.
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I'm thinking lots of tweets. That's my version of nice spam. They'll probably block me!
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Hey Lois, can you put the link up to where you can log in and leave a comment for those interested?? I wouldn't mind giving her something to think about LOL
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Yes, we should definitely remain polite, respectful, positive, helpful...all that jazz. We can and should register our displeasure with what we understand to have been said on that show. But, there's nothing to be gained by being angry and negative and confrontational.
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Ladies...After my initial reaction of anger, I just had what I think is an important insight...a different way to view Oprah's comment. I don't excuse it, or condone it, and I still think we could use it to do a little consciousness-raising on Oprah's part.
BUT, I had lunch today with my friend who's going through chemo - the one I posted about giving one of my wigs to. She's devastated by her cancer recurrance and scared for her life. She wouldn't leave the house in a scarf because she felt she looked "sick". There's no way on earth she could bring herself to go out in public bald, even though she's seen me bald at dance class for a year and a half. I myself have comforted her by saying...your hair will grow back!
Oprah was talking with a woman in this situation. What she said WAS true for a cancer patient, and it WAS comforting to the woman in that moment.
I agree that it was a very negative message for bald women like us, or for cancer patients who might consider going out bald. But, it seems to me that most women with cancer can't deal with the chemo, fear, loss of breast(s), AND being bald.
I didn't see the show, so maybe I'm not getting it the way it was said - but, does this make sense to anyone?
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Lois, you do know that I am bandanna girl, don't you? LOL...I even have a blog about my experiences, thoughts and observations. I always have some kind of scarf on - and quite a collection. So I am not saying everyone should wear scarves or go bald or wear wigs, we're all different. I just wish that ONE SHOW would do an angle other than the wigs, so these poor baldies can have hair and be normal again. Okay, now I'm sounding angry but it just seems like all the shows want to show how supportive they are by putting wigs on people and though yes there is a place for that, it still sends the message that you're NOT okay without hair. I want to live in a world where you're okay without hair. I'll stop my rant now. Just getting all hot and bothered again.
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Comment by Kat on June 19, 2009 at 1:06am
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Wow thanks for posting this!
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