I'm feeling pretty frustrated right now, so sorry for ranting. I'm just really confused by all of the reactions to my hair loss. My mother is acting like it's the end of the world and keeps telling me how sorry she is, even my dad keeps muttering things like, "it's not fair," and then my friends (the few who know) are acting like I'm a huge, to quote them directly, "drama bomb." I excitedly told my friend that I got a hair piece, and she responded by saying, "Yeah, I know. What's the big deal, it's just hair. Stop being vain." My guidance counselor wanted to seem me about college applications, and when she saw a spot on my head, she asked about it. I told her and then she asked me if she should email teachers and support me socially. I almost laughed because it seemed like a preposterous proposal. People have warned me about dating, etc. Why does it seem like everyone thinks this will ruin my life? Is it going to ruin my life? Do people honestly care that much?

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Comment by Dgine on June 3, 2013 at 3:03pm

Jennifer: she will. My son has piedbaldism. He's going on 6. We never mention his big white (non pigmented) spots on his legs. We've told him that he's lucky for being different. As for me, I should try to learn from my own lessons!! Obviously, this has nothing to do with you, unless you never gave her Orea cookies, in which case you're an awful mother! ;-)

Comment by Weston D on June 3, 2013 at 3:08pm
Life isn't ruined so much as changed by alopecia. I had some hard times with it as a boy but as a man I lead a pretty normal lifestyle. Men get different reactions then women. Many felt I was sick, kids would ask moms why I was bald and some would openly say I was sick. Also some made allogations or even confrontions with me because they thought I was a skinhead.

I have two tips.

1: if allogations of being sick bother you, consider adding a stronger fitness plan to your lifestyle. The more fit you are, the less likely people will think you are sick. In my case people started thinking I chose to be bald. Many ask me If I'm a soldier these days instead of asking if I'm sick.

2: Just remember what should be obvious to you, those who gossip about you are wrong. Odds are they don't know what alopecia is. You are stronger than they think you are if they think your sick. You are healthier and more free in their choices then they think you areif they think your life is ruined. You are most likely a better person then they think you are If they think your a white supermist. It is their failure at interpretation that is at fault.
Comment by Raquel on June 3, 2013 at 3:10pm

It will change your life only if you choose too. Own it! Live it like a trend! So that all haryheads will a
Envy you.

Comment by Michelle on June 3, 2013 at 3:11pm

I agree with many of the members here that "people do not know how to react." Shortly I after I was diagnosed (two months ago), I was telling my mother, in an effort to prepare for what might POSSIBLY happen, that I may eventually need to wear head scarves or a wig, she immediately jumped into denial mode and told me not to think that way and to be more positive. How can I possibly prepare myself for the bad stuff IF it happens if she won't even admit that it could happen? That's why I stopped telling her and others much of what's going on and how I feel about it - I've got my husband and my new friends at Alopecia World to understand me and share my feelings! :) Stay strong and hang in there!

Comment by Vanessa A. on June 3, 2013 at 3:48pm
Don't worry too much about it. If those people tell you that you are vain they probably really just don't know what to say. Your mom doesn't know how to handle it herself and honestly is probably blaming herself for the situation so she doesn't want to come to terms with the whole idea of it. She wants your head to grow naturally and have you not worry about the worst case scenario in her eyes. I have a big spot on the top of my head and a couple around the sides and back. I also just ordered some wigs last night and I'm very excited! I think that you she be positive about the things and the people who support you in your decisions to honestly do what you want! I mean you live in Oregon! I do too btw lol this place has all sorts of people! Stay strong and stay weird :)
Comment by Nicole on June 3, 2013 at 3:55pm

It hasn't ruined my life, but certainly changed it. Don't listen to people who tell you about dating. It hasn't been as awful as I originally thought. I was so scared at first that I didn't bother with it. Come to find out men do look past it. Sometimes we, unfortunately, become too self conscious about it and insecure; AND that shows on the outside. In time, you learn how to deal. It's no longer a thought in the forefront of your mind.Your friends may just not know what to say at times but I'm sure they are trying to make you feel comfortable about the whole thing.... Your counselor, in my opinion, kind of overstepped her boundaries, but again it sounds as though she was trying to be supportive. Take it from me, your life is so NOT over... Enjoy it and don't sweat the ignorant comments because they're just that.. People don't know any better (hugs)

Comment by willow on June 3, 2013 at 4:01pm

It sounds to me like you are accepting it better than those around you. Sometimes friends do not get it, or stupidly say...it's just hair...ask them to shave theirs off and see the table turn. This will make you stronger. Parents often feel helpless. Like any other disease, they are probably wondering what they did wrong. My daughter has some health issues, and I've felt guilty thinking I may have caused it, lack of care, but that in itself shows how much a parent does care. You'll do just fine, you sound like you have some great courage. Also sounds like you will do very well. Be proud!

Comment by Jo-Anne on June 3, 2013 at 4:03pm

No hunni it will not ruin your life unless you let it. Everyone deals with it differently my way is tell people and I have found people are supportive, some people are shy about it and feel awkward but I am open and encourage people to ask questions. I have never found it a problem with the wigs and hair pieces these days, I feel lucky. Your friends reaction reminded me of years ago when I was at school a friend of mine acted simliar....years later she admitted funny as it sounds she was actually jealous as my hair piece made me look like I had long,thick, glossy locks and she hated her own hair lol xxx

Comment by Lovely butterfly on June 3, 2013 at 4:31pm
Hey Madeline, no, it's not going to ruin your life!! I rock my baldness with pride. As far as your friends comments and the guidance counselors question...I think that's cool! Think about it...change is harder on other people. If they see you sweating, they'll worry about you. The guidance counselor was just trying to make sure you're comfortable around the many knuckle heads who could potentially say something hurtful. Sounds like she was just trying to extinguish drama and make people aware. A lot of people really don't know what alopecia is, so it's up to us to educate! We were specially chosen for a reason!!
Once you become comfortable with it, it takes the power away from the others.
Good luck alopecia sister...stay strong-be proud! It's all about choice!!
Comment by MaddiiBoo on June 3, 2013 at 4:47pm

I've recently started telling people about my alopecia and went bald a couple of times. No one cares. They follow your attitude about your appearance. Life does change but it is by no eans ruined.

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