Comment by GardenJess on November 1, 2014 at 11:59am

I'm surprised that no one seems to have responded to your post. It sounds like you have a healthy attitude about being yourself, and I think that is so much more likely to lead to long term happiness than marketing yourself according to what you think others want. I get that not every guy would react well to a gal with hair loss, but it seems like you know that you don't want to establish a pretense of beautiful hair that would eventually interfere with being comfortable in your own skin in a major relationship. I am in a very different place in life than you, having met my husband 10 years ago when I had a full head of hair, so I can only offer my own perspective. I can too easily see how, especially since we first met online, my husband could have ruled me out before getting to know me had I been mostly bald then. Yet, in the end, what brought us together was certainly not my hair. It was a mutual interest in forming a couple and a family with someone from a compatible background and with compatible life interests. From my perspective, 22 is very young, and what matters to guys in their 20's may not be what matters to them when they are a bit older and more ready to become lifetime partners and fathers. On the other hand, it might not be fair to the guys to not meet in person and never give them a chance. If you don't want to wear a wig, would you wear a cute hat or scarf so that your hair doesn't attract attention up front? I am very torn myself between "looking good" by dressing up in a wig and telling myself and the world that, this is me, accept me as I am. When I think back to the care I put into my appearance when I was dating my husband, I know I would have worn a wig at least to go out with him if my head looked like it does now. But if you still have a bunch of hair, and if you don't like your wig, well, that's a different situation. I know my husband prefers me with hair, and I have thought back to at least a couple of other men I dated who I know wouldn't really have cared at all. They do exist. The superficial is just that, and a relationship is built on so much more. Smile sweetly at your mother, and then go about your life, because you have plenty of time to find Mr. Right, and get some practice in along the way.

Comment by PamFitros@boldlybaldwomen.com on November 2, 2014 at 10:27am

Natasha,

The men you are looking for are definitely out there. I find it ironic that when I was your age and not overweight I was mostly invisible until I started interacting with someone and they saw my smile and sense of humor. Now that I am older, larger and totally hairless I get told often that I am beautiful. How funny is that!

When my hair got patchy and thinned, I shaved it off. I felt so much better - my thinning hair was no longer in charge. I was. I wore a wig for awhile because of my job, but I hated it. It was hot and itchy and more alien than my bald head. I didn't feel like me with it on and for a while felt like an alien with it off.

What I learned is that the more comfortable I am with myself, the more comfortable people around me are. Now? Now I never wear a wig, and only wear hats in the Michigan winter when it's really cold. And I love it, love it, love it.

My approach isn't for everyone, but having tried it both ways, I know shining up my bald head, throwing on a pair of interestingly blingly earrings and strutting my stuff is the most freeing and happiest solution to hair loss for me.

My husband, though initially startled, now loves my bald head. My granddaughter looks at the picture on the wall of my husband and I when I had hair and says "Yia Yia, I like you better without hair." And I hug her and can honestly tell her I do too.

You are way too young to worry about providing your mom with grandchildren. And you certainly don't want any man who doesn't love you for yourself rather than for the box (body) you come in. Look around, be picky. Don't settle for anyone who makes you feel less-than or flawed. You're neither of those. You are a unique, one of a kind woman who is in this life at this time for a reason - a reason it doesn't matter that you don't know.

You have work to do. People's lives to touch. Things to learn and things to teach. And while you are living and learning, remember your value as a unique being - only you will live your life. Only you will have perspective on that life you have been given to live. Only you can determine to live that life with an attitude of gratitude for all that you are, all that you have - most importantly the people in your life who love you - and for what you choose to do with that life. 

Meanwhile (as if that's not a tall enough mandate), get comfortable in your own skin. Whether you choose wigs, or a shaved head, or letting things run whatever course they will, love yourself. Claim your joy. When people see you are full of confidence and love and light, they will be drawn to you - no matter how many hairs you have or don't have on your head.

I wish you well. If I can do anything to help, please get in touch with me.

Pam Fitros, author
Boldly Bald Women

Comment