i just recently came back from visiting my parents. i was a little self concious about my parents seeing me for the first time bald so i put on a hat before getting off the plane. as i was waiting for my dad to drive around to pick me up, i saw him and waved. he looked at me and drove right by! i called him on his cell and told him to drive around again because he missed me. so at the house my dad told me to take off my hat so he could see me. he told me i dont look bad with a bald head and that he might need to join me if his hair keeps falling out.

now my mom is another story. she did not like it at all and brought in several scarfs and even some of her wigs for me to try on to see how they would look on me! i politely told her no thank you. she was not happy. she was clearly uncomfortable being around me bald, so in her presence(not my dad's) i put on a hat. i hate the fact that i wore the hat to make someone else feel comfortable. she asked my dad to tell me to cover up because "it looks so bad!" since i shaved my head that was the first time i ever cried about it. i wasnt crying because i was bald, but because i was hurt that the one person who i thought would understand (my mom is bald from alopecia) didnt.

i told my mom all of the reasons why i chose not to wear a wig (other than at work)and she just blew it off. in retrospect, i understand her feelings and actions. i am a reminder to her of herself. i look like my mom. she was not in a place come to terms with her own hairloss.

Views: 2

Comment by Shannon on September 13, 2009 at 11:42pm
dear pat, you are so strong. how sad for your mom to still not be able to accept herself and the beauty of a bald woman. you are gorgeous, by the way! thank you so much for the compliment on the photo of me and my father. i am very blessed in that my parents have always been supportive of me doing whatever made me feel best--bald, wig, scarf, etc. best to you!
Comment by Dominique Cleopatra on September 14, 2009 at 2:28am
At least you understand. People often reject in others that which they cannot tolerate in themselves. She may even feel guilty for giving you "bald genes." Definitely don't take it personally. Your acceptance of your own alopecia will probably, in time, fascilitate your mother's own healing journey toward self-love and away from self-loathing.
Comment by Mary on September 14, 2009 at 3:41pm
Pat, it's so sad that your mother is acting this way. My brother (and only sibling) rejected my choice to appear in public bald at first.

Has your mother seen any of the videos with proudly bald alopecian women, or any of the beautiful photos on AW? Maybe if she saw some, it would bring her to a place of understanding and acceptance. Of course, she has to watch them, and she might refuse to do that. Let us know how it's going.
Comment by Trixie on September 14, 2009 at 6:24pm
Pat
my mother cringed when she first saw me with a shaved head. It was when I first did it and I was still very(still am to an extent) self conscious about it my son didnt mind (he rubs my head when I tuck in at night) my friends have told me repeatedly that Im still the same person, and when I happened to show my mom she physically cringes. I felt very low after that.
Comment by Libby on September 15, 2009 at 8:39am
Rosy,

You're one heck of a mum! Wish we had more like you....keep up the good work and thank you for being there for your daughter.

Libby
Comment by Galvin on September 15, 2009 at 12:52pm
Thanks for sharing your story Pat.
God bless you.
Comment by Pat on September 15, 2009 at 5:46pm
thanks for all of the kind words and the encouragement! i do understand my mom. i know how long it took me to come to terms with alopecia and what i had to mentally go through. i know how i felt seeing my mom with no hair when i had hair and how i prayed that alopecia would not be my lot. while her actions hurt me i understand and forgive her. thanks so much and i am so glad i found aw because you all have given me strength.
Comment by Mary on September 16, 2009 at 2:08pm
Well said, Sandy!
Comment by Elith Williams on July 17, 2010 at 3:20pm
A truly inspiring story. Thank you for sharing. God bless you. Great photos by the way

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