Should you feel that you have to explain? NO but I do

A couple of years ago I was on holiday in the Dominican. One night,in the restaurant, the man on the table next to ours started asking me about my hair! Wig. He asked me how I had got it curly and if it was permed. I replied that it wasn't naturally curly and smiled hoping that would be that. But his wife kicked him under the table and apologised to me for her inquisitive husband. He told her 'shut up -you don't know it could be a WIG', enough was enough so I said 'well yes actually it is a wig'. He carried on asking questions, it dawned on me that it didn't occur to him that I was wearing it for a reason other than I fancied a new 'do' for the night. So, I then found myself explaining (god knows why) that I didn't have any choice and I had to wear one for medical reasons. In fact he was a hairdresser.

In my younger days I was extremely slim and strangers used to think it was acceptable behaviour to tell me how thin I was! I used to eat like a horse and would have to HATE explaining that it wasn't through choice. I doubt the same people would go up to obese people and point out how fat they are!

What makes people think it is acceptable to make comments to strangers about their appearance?

 

Views: 1668

Comment by Mavia Carpe on July 23, 2014 at 5:45pm

 Only uneducated people  and very ignorant will do something like that.

Comment by LucAlex on July 23, 2014 at 5:46pm

Wow. But you know though, I wish more people WOULD go around and explain that alopecia exists! I just "came out" to a few people at work this week, and it actually felt liberating.

People tell me all sorts of things! They complain about their husbands, mention their parents who are battling cancer, bitch about their weight or some partner's inability to "make them happy," or complain about their health.

For example, just last week my boss started crying because she hurt her shoulder and will need to wait before continuing her cross-fit routine. All I wanted to do was yell at her and say YOU STILL HAVE YOUR HAIR. And so I decided enough is enough, that I too deserve to share something difficult in my life. That it's not fair to me to hide something that is so freaking difficult. How can I possibly accept my situation, if I can't even talk about it? If I'm constantly afraid of what others will think of me? Others, might I add...that don't ever have to live my life or make my decisions. I've been battling Androgenetic Alopecia for 4 years, and it has sucked the life out of me...and damnit, people are going to start hearing about it LOL

So good on you, good on everyone with the guts to speak out.

L

Comment by Dorothy on July 23, 2014 at 5:50pm

DO NOT think that strangers think they have any boundries.  I am over weight and I used to get comments like you are to pretty to be carrying all that extra.  Because I do not have lashes or brows they make comments.  Even had a stranger come up to me and tell me I had the same nervous condition she has, she pull her lashes and brows out.  I tried to tell her no, but she insisted.  Then I had one very nice old man compliment me on the shade of hair color I had and he went on to tell me it was natural unlike other people.  I had to laugh, not only was it not natural, but it was synthetic.  Yes, I had to tell him it was a wig, not telling just seems like lying by omission.  Sometimes I just want to clap my hand over my mouth.

Comment by Michelle on July 23, 2014 at 6:02pm
I usually just say thank you when someone nicely comments on my hair. I'm African American so most think my hair is extensions. I Judge coming out on a person by person and situation. I feel like this. If I had another autoimmune that was not maybe as obvious I wouldn't go Round explaining to others. I feel if so some is asking to genuinely be educated then I tell. Otherwise I don't waste my time. Also if anyone asks is that your hair in a somewhat offensive why I usually respond with sure is it cost me enough. Lol
Comment by Michelle on July 23, 2014 at 6:03pm
Sorry for the typos.
Comment by sallylwess on July 23, 2014 at 6:04pm

Some people have no social skills. Others are just plain rude. 

Comment by hoofpick on July 23, 2014 at 6:31pm

The other day, I saw a woman walking proudly with no hair on her head into WalMart.    I looked at her in awe,as I was wearing a wig with a hat.   I wanted to walk up and give her a hug, ask her if she had AA or some other....mostly because I wanted so badly to connect with someone like myself.   Other than on here, I do not see anyone like me, it would be so nice to have someone visible or close to connect with, talk with about how it feels.  I held back because I didn’t know whether she would appreciate it or be offended.  

Comment by LucAlex on July 23, 2014 at 6:41pm

hoofpick, I feel the same way. But I keep thinking of the amount of women who are probably wearing wigs, hats, scarves and I simply can't tell. Again, this is why it's important to let people know. It feels isolating because everyone is hiding.

Comment by Kelly on July 23, 2014 at 7:21pm
I have worked at a place for 14 years & I just started wearing hair toppers about a year ago. The rogaine stopped working after 8 years of using it. I am so self conscious about my hair loss and feel like some of my coworkers can tell. So, I try to talk about my hair loss and make light of the subject. I eventually told a few people I trust and am close too. I actually felt better telling someone, just because I felt like I was hiding something that was bothering me very much. I am getting used to being more open about it because there is nothing I can do about it and live with it. This is who I am. I do have people here & there telling me they like my hair & the color. I have not told any strangers that I'm wearing a hairpiece. I just say thank you & try & get away from the subject. but your right, I don't feel like I should have to explain myself & some people are just plain rude.
Comment by Todd on July 23, 2014 at 7:37pm

You should have just pulled it off and gently placed it upon his head.  End of conversation and nosey questions!

Be strong and don't give up hope.  I have AG and have had some luck growing hair back on my head and even some parts of my body.  I've spent a lot of money on stuff that didn't work and not enough on stuff that does.  As a guy, I have it easy since it's OK for us to go bald.  But, I really miss my eye lashes and brows!  They do serve a purpose!

Does anyone else have issues with skin color?  It seems like I turned pale since my AG started as a small spot on my head.  Just yesterday I had someone that knows me commented that I should "Get those legs out in the sun".  The only place on my legs where I have pigmented hair growing is where I had a surgical infection after knee surgery.  Woo Hoo on that!  How many folks with alopecia have to shave to keep from looking strange!

Anyway, life is hard, but it can always be harder.  Be thankful for what you don't have. 

Todd

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