Comment by Tallgirl on September 23, 2009 at 12:29am

Well, when the lights are out you can't experience more than you can touch...or smell...so SEEING hair then isn't the problem. I think some men just want the daylight arm candy, or bragging rights to a long-haired blond, and can't own up to other guys that a bald gal is dynamite at home. But our problem is getting someone to the point of love AND chemistry without becoming a floozy who just jumps in sacks to prove things. Then we would cheapen ourselves, and risk disease and disrespect, right? So, I guess the waiting and luck games are on...and on, and on....for finding that brave man who doesn't care about the other MEN and who can shout their love to the world!!! Worth waiting for, yes?

Comment by kimberly dean on September 23, 2009 at 8:03am

That theory only works if you plan on my making love in the dark! And if we can feel, then we can feel a bald head too. One thing that tends to happen when one is kissing another, is that hair gets stroked. When this happens to me, I feel very insecure that my wig is going to be detached, which in the heat of the moment, could easily happen!
I won't speculate about what men might want or what other women want for that matter. But I do know what I look for in a male and what I admire about both genders both physically and personably.
My problem is not about 'becoming a floozy' and I don't sit in judgement about how people wish to conduct and satisy their sexual lives. If one wishes to gain sexual satisfaction through a meaningless one-night stand then that is their choice, one that they can hopefully feel good about, rather than 'cheapened, disresepcted or diseased'. And you never know, love might just follow from their one casual, so-called meaningless, night of sex.
Love is what happens to you when you're busy living your life, when you least expect it and when you're not looking for it, waiting for it, and hoping you'll get lucky.
I guess my final point here could be that my life can't wait just because I have alopecia. The way to live my life is to do just exactly that; live it. Do the things I want to do, stop procrastinating, take charge and don't think that a love life is the only thing that can make me happy

Comment by Dominique Cleopatra on September 23, 2009 at 3:09pm

Kimberly, Since you are completely bald you might want to look into a vacuum wig. They are very secure and only come off when you want them to. Or look into semi-permanant hair bonding. Hair is glued onto your scalp and you can sleep, shower, swim, screw, whatever with it on. If my hair doesn't grow back soon that's what I'm going to do. If that will make you feel sexy and confident and allow you to just get on with it, you may want to look into those or other options. Keep you head up!

Comment by Mary on September 23, 2009 at 3:54pm

Ditto Susan and Aimee. I'm fortunate that my husband loves me the way I am. He sometimes describes my look as "exotic", and he encourages me to be bald in public when I want to. If I were single, I'd only want to be with a man who accepted and loved my bald head.

As I've posted elsewhere, I was standing on a busy sidewalk in downtown San Diego a few days ago, waiting for my husband, and a nice-looking man stopped and told me I'm beautiful. He really seemed to mean it. There ARE men out there who appreciate and can deal with a bald woman, and I don't mean the bald fetishists! Attitude is everything. As Aimee says, hold your head up, be confident, and other people respond to you that way. Big earrings help. "Fake it til you make it"!

Comment by MiNAH on September 23, 2009 at 4:30pm

It's somehow so true..that it appears to be "Mirrored" Behaviour.
If we are insecure and feel inadequate about our self.
Then it reflects onto others.
Even if we aren't trying to..it somehow "Radiates" off us, in the form of energy!
Others in our path are susceptible to our uncomfortable Demeanor.
This does not mean, excuses for those with harsh Criticism's or Personal Insecurities.
Yet...no matter which way we approach the behaviour..the reaction.
In some cases...not all...but most....in fact!
The way we see our self...actually is Reciprocated.
This should not excuse ignorance or arrogant perceptions or opinons.
We, do not have to stand for ugliness!
Even if we are sometimes, the one who Generates the Mood of Feeling "Awkward"
It does not give anyone the right to feel better and above us.
So the conclusion here is...I have found this to be the case in most cases.
I approach people full of confidence and Postitive Energy.
Even when my "World is Falling Down" around me.
I have the ability to stand above all that is Devouring my Spirit.
It's my Innate ability to Survive!
I wont let myself or anyone take my Power Away......how's about that?

Comment by Jennifer Krahn on September 24, 2009 at 9:03am

hey Kimberly,
I have had alopecia since Jan of this year and have gone to universalis. You wll be okay. I think you are gorgeous. Your pictures without hair are beautiful. Wear whatever look you have with confidence. I just wanted to let you know how stunning you are. once you begin to know and believe this...the men will come...they can't help themselves around beautiful girls:)

Comment by Marie on October 1, 2009 at 1:03am

Regarding men, I don't think being bald or wearing a wig is a problem. I've had no trouble getting positive, healthy attention from men I like and with whom I wanted to pusue a relationship. The men I've talked to say that finding out a woman had Alopecia and wore a wig might be a little awkward at first, but if the WOMAN was confident, easy, and upbeat about it, they would be too. They all agreed that the biggest factor would be the woman's self-confidence about her situation. They would take her lead. (I suppose that bald women who do not wear wigs have the advantage that they never have to "reveal" that they have Alopecia.)

I once asked my guy if he missed running his fingers through my hair (I wear a wig). He said that with all of the styling products in use, most woman do not have hair one can run their fingers though! Really, the truth is that couples negotiate these intimate things themselves in their own way based on their affection for one another.

I think that when one looses their hair, they stand on the brink of a decision: Allow it to be the vehicle to greater confidence and self-worth, or let it take away confidence and self-worth; there's not a whole lot of neutral ground. It's hard to realize that Alopecia has no face, it has no spirit, it has no intention. It is not the enemy. It just IS. But, WE have faces, we have spirits, we have intentions! Your hair is a part of you, but your hair is not you.

Faith, love, and happiness are all conscious choices.

Comment by Mary on October 1, 2009 at 1:19am

Beautiful, Marie.

Comment