Alopecia World
www.alopeciaworld.com
So miserable!
Hi guys, I have been trying to focus on school rather than on my hair seeing as finals are right around the corner...I am absolutely miserable about my hair, I think I have been in a state of denial for quite some time now...I am not sure I can find my way with this...I fly off the handle to friends and family without even wanting to and feel bad afterwards..I know there is nothing in this world they can do to help me, but I dont even know what I wanna hear anymore, I mean words that will even comfort me..At this point I am not sure anything will make me feel better unless my hair grows back and I can go back to my normal life where I was happy..I can't sleep at night nor can I concentrate during the day..My hair is consuming my whole daily life, morning, noon, and night. My brain is fluttered with thoughts of my hair..It is the most horrible thing I have ever been through in my life..I use to be a vibrant, goal oriented, and confident person, and have lost all of that due to AA..I know coping and dealing with this is a process and takes time, as do other things in life, but this is by far hard to cope with for me..Ever since I found my first patch I have been trying to do my best to cope..I cried alot at first and the crying came to a sudden halt where I thought I was going into the acceptance phase after I seen some regrowth, but than bam my hair is still falling out in the same three patches just getting bigger and bigger..I feel like my body is trying to escape itself if that sounds right, almost like I am fighting within myself to calm down and look at the better things in life, and how this should not consume my life, but than I have that part that says in order for me to try and cope I need to understand how this happen and how I can fix it..Although, that is merely impossible those are my thoughts..I also feel like I need to gain my confindence back that I use to have when I had hair in order to move forward, but my personality is so obsessive that I think this is gonna take a while to come to grips with, and personally it scares me...My family is always telling me its just hair it will get better...I hate when they say this to me, I know they are trying to help, but it does absolutely nothing to help for me..The other day my sister was telling my mother, "I hate the color of my hair I wish I can get it back to my original color", really!! Im thinking at least you have hair, and said it out loud and it caused a fight, but seriously watch what you say around people..I have to say this though, I would have been the same way if this had never happen to me, so I almost cant blame her or people because if you have never experienced something that was traumatizing in one particular situation there is noway you can actually understand what someone is going through without going through the same exact thing yourself.. I lost my Nan last year and have never lost someone that I truly care about, and miss her everyday that passes by, and wishes she was still here as she would have been the perfect candidate to make me feel so much better..Being a nursing student and my Nan being sick made me feel so helpless being unable to help while knowing exactly what was going on the whole time, and truly being able to help, but not liability wise, how sickening..May my precious Nan that is now an angel rest in peace..I am sorry I am venting and everything is coming out, but I know AW is the perfect place to do it because you are all beautiful, understanding people..I appreciate all of you, and thank you..
P.S. I guess I can be the best nurse I can be because I love helping people, and it is so rewarding to be able to ease someones pain, and be there to help at their most critical state and watch them smile as they feel better. Knowing you were part of there recovery is in itself rewarding and an accomplishment for me...But I must say I would probably make the worst patient known to man..Just thought I would put that out there...Lol
Hope you are all well!!! Hugs :)
P.S. I guess I can be the best nurse I can be because I love helping people, and it is so rewarding to be able to ease someones pain, and be there to help at their most critical state and watch them smile as they feel better. Knowing you were part of there recovery is in itself rewarding and an accomplishment for me...But I must say I would probably make the worst patient known to man..Just thought I would put that out there...Lol
Hope you are all well!!! Hugs :)
-
Comment by Trish on November 17, 2010 at 6:14pm
-
Thank you so much Rosy...I try my absolutel best to stay focused and not let AA flutter my thoughts, but I think I may have to figure something else out as nothing has helped as of yet...Hugs
-
Comment by Kristi Kelly on November 17, 2010 at 6:57pm
-
You sound just like me. I have the same exact thoughts. I can't think about anything else without thinking about my hair. I can't study because I don't learn anything. I constantly look in the mirror and check to see if it's worse. Everyone tells me that it is just hair too. "Oh well, if it all falls out at least you can wear a wig". That's what I have heard over and over. I just lost my grandmother in August and I think she would have been able to make me feel better. I feel like I'm in the same place as you. I know that our situations are a little bit different but I know exactly how you feel. Are you doing any treatments? I decided today to just leave it alone. My hair dresser suggested rogaine but I don't feel like trying anything else. I just don't know what to do.
-
-
Hi Kristi, First I wanna say I am sorry for your loss, may your grandmother rest in peace..I am doing the treatments...I started with the olux cream with no results and hair was still falling out, but once I got my biopsy results back I started the injections..This month will be my second dose of injections, but my hair still continues to fall out..I am getting to the point where I just wanna leave it alone and not do anything about it anymore..I am just so drained everyday from the worry, it feels like my body and mind are being tortured by some evil being..
-
-
Thanks so much Paul!!! I truly think I have been in denial and just have to focus on the good rather than the bad, but its tough..I am trying to get to that point in life as I need too...Def not tequila to sleep lol..:)
-
Comment by Diana Carter on November 17, 2010 at 10:03pm
-
Trish...you go to that party girl, and have fun!! I know you are having a hard time with this, and I am so sorry!! Try to focus on how MUCH you have going for you!! You have a very promising future as a nurse..and what a great blessing to be able to help so many others! You KNOW I love ya hon, and you have a big heart for people!! I don't know why we had to get this, and I know firsthand how unfair it seems, but I feel so blessed just having you for a friend!! I would have never met you otherwise. Please try to stay strong. I need you! GIANT TEXAS SIZED HUGS coming your way dear friend!!!! You have helped me so much through a very horrible past two months, and I hope that I can always do the same for you!! I think you are AMAZING!
-
-
Diana, I love you too..You are an incredible woman that has endured so much pain and got through all of it with extreme strenghth...You are amazing and have helped me in the last two months as well, and you are correct in saying without this I would not have met a beautiful, loving person like yourself..I appreciate you and thank you so much for being there..:) Huge hugs to you
P.S. I need you too!!! xo
-
Comment by Kimberly Duncan on November 17, 2010 at 10:29pm
-
Trish, I have been wondering how you were, I wish it was getting better for you. Just wanted You to know you being angry, you are not alone. A couple weeks ago I was crying after I brushed my hair, my husband told me to stop brushing my hair to keep so much hair from falling out. Like that is going to stop my hair from falling out. I know he means well just like your family. I know it is hard to focus on school when your mind keeps thinking about your hair. You do not have to accept or like your hair loss but do not let it consume your life. You are doing a great thing becoming a nurse your are a wonderfull and caring person do not allow your hair to take that away. When you think about your Nan think how proud she would be you being a nurse. You, Diana and I strarted this journey around the same time and we will be by your side as long as we have to. Love and hugs :):)
-
Comment by soniamarry on November 18, 2010 at 5:11am
-
Trish,
You are not alone. I too feel as though alopecia consumes me. I get drained from all the researching and the worrying and the wondering and sometimes i just think i should let it take its course. When i first got diagnosed i was frantic about it. I asked myself why and searched for answers that i never got. I have possible causes but no real answers. I live in fear that it will get worse and somehow have hope that it will get better as that's what we all really have is just hope. I think the party is going to do us both a world of good and i am so excited that i can't wait! I think with alop it's just one of those things where we will have some good days/some bad days/ some so -so days. We will just have to take the good with the bad. I often hear people complaining about their hair and think the same, "at least you have hair", but i think this is normal. Most times, people don't know what they have until they lose it. It is only then that we learn to appreciate it. Until friday, big hugs and stay strong!
-
-
Thank you to all of you for being there and listening to me vent!!! You are all amazing beautiful people...
-
-
Dom, everytime you write its like your in my head knowing exactly how I feel...You are absolutely right..
© 2024 Created by Alopecia World.
Powered by
You need to be a member of Alopecia World to add comments!
Join Alopecia World