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Still Worried
You'd think after all these years of living with alopecia, I'd be used to it by now. In a lot of ways, I actually am. I've come to accept that I'll never know what it's like to have long hair blowing in the wind, never understand the literal meaning of a "bad hair day", nor will I ever feel like I'm completely normal (whatever that is). I'm just glad that I've found this place. Now, at least, I can feel like I belong somewhere.
I've chosen to live without wearing wigs for my entire adult life so far. I did have a wig when I was a child for a few years, but ended up being teased and almost attracting hostility from the other kids. Once I gave up the wig and went natural, I killed their ammunition and was suddenly left alone and sometimes even treated like any other girl.
Now, at 40 years old, I find myself jobless (the company I was working for decided to outsource my job), back in school (thankfully, almost done with this), and looking at the grim possibility of not being able to find a new job. My career counselor believes very firmly that having a wig will increase my chances of being looked at as a serious candidate for jobs. I, myself, as well as those closest to me believe that it shouldn't make any difference in the grand scheme of things. After all, I'm missing hair! It's not something that's essential to a job in an office environment, therefore, it shouldn't be a stigma if I don't have it, should it?
After a long discussion with my career counselor, we decided to that it would be best to buy a wig since most people have problems with looking past appearances. So, now I have a new wig (bought for me by the same program that's putting me through school) and it's nice, but I can't help feeling like I look ridiculous with it. It doesn't feel like me and, when I look in the mirror, I can't really see *me* reflected.
So, what do I do? Stay true to myself, refuse to wear the wig and risk not getting a decent job? Or, do I suck it up, use the wig and, hopefully, create a more professional appearance in hopes of it helping me get a job?
There's a part of me that can see wigs as being a fun thing. That part of me keeps saying that there's no reason to hide that I wear wigs and wants to have a different color/style/length for every day of the week. But, of course, doing that leads us full circle to that whole "Are you on chemo?" question.
So far, I can't even get past the resume mailing stage of the job search, so I think I'll just leave the actual decision for when I'm actually called for an interview.
I've chosen to live without wearing wigs for my entire adult life so far. I did have a wig when I was a child for a few years, but ended up being teased and almost attracting hostility from the other kids. Once I gave up the wig and went natural, I killed their ammunition and was suddenly left alone and sometimes even treated like any other girl.
Now, at 40 years old, I find myself jobless (the company I was working for decided to outsource my job), back in school (thankfully, almost done with this), and looking at the grim possibility of not being able to find a new job. My career counselor believes very firmly that having a wig will increase my chances of being looked at as a serious candidate for jobs. I, myself, as well as those closest to me believe that it shouldn't make any difference in the grand scheme of things. After all, I'm missing hair! It's not something that's essential to a job in an office environment, therefore, it shouldn't be a stigma if I don't have it, should it?
After a long discussion with my career counselor, we decided to that it would be best to buy a wig since most people have problems with looking past appearances. So, now I have a new wig (bought for me by the same program that's putting me through school) and it's nice, but I can't help feeling like I look ridiculous with it. It doesn't feel like me and, when I look in the mirror, I can't really see *me* reflected.
So, what do I do? Stay true to myself, refuse to wear the wig and risk not getting a decent job? Or, do I suck it up, use the wig and, hopefully, create a more professional appearance in hopes of it helping me get a job?
There's a part of me that can see wigs as being a fun thing. That part of me keeps saying that there's no reason to hide that I wear wigs and wants to have a different color/style/length for every day of the week. But, of course, doing that leads us full circle to that whole "Are you on chemo?" question.
So far, I can't even get past the resume mailing stage of the job search, so I think I'll just leave the actual decision for when I'm actually called for an interview.
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Comment by Lee on May 13, 2009 at 11:22pm
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I would be yourself. MAYBE if its a job working with the public, they can get away with telling you to wear a wig, but still, you would have to wear it everday then! I would just be you. You will find a job. Its too bad people discriminate against such things.
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Comment by Kathie Nietenhoefer on May 14, 2009 at 7:04am
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Thanks for the comment, Lee. I agree with you that it's too bad about the discrimination aspect of this. The unfortunate truth is that it happens, though. It's hard for me to believe that in this day when we're *supposed* to be enlightened people, there is still so much emphasis on the outer shell rather than on inner personality and knowledge. I was actually told flat out once that my appearance was the reason I didn't get a particular job. I still ask myself what my looks have to do with my ability to operate computers and teach the ability to teenage girls.
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Comment by Dominique on May 14, 2009 at 8:55am
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Hi Kathie,
Reading your blog reminded me of something I went through recently. I've never worn a wig and I've been bald since I was about 5 years old. I just never felt the need.
I started experimenting with them (bought one) about a year ago and I only wear it very very rarely. Mostly if its cold, or I feel like I really need a change. I think it creates more anxiety for me (worrying about how its sitting, what it looks like, do people know etc) than wandering around without hair does
Anyways - there is one time I definitely wear it - and that's when I'm doing a Bellydance performance. I've been bellydancing for about 4 years, and do a few performances a year. My first solo performance was this year, and to be honest - - I was very happy to have a wig for it.
Wearing a wig in these situations does 1 major thing:
- Stops the audience from being distracted by a very obvious part of my appearance, that has nothing what so ever to do with my performance
I know that going for a job and doing a job should be no way compromised by your lack of hair, but we live in a very un-empathetic and sometimes cruel world, inconsiderate and ignorant people abound (and seem to pop up when we are in a position to appreciate them least).
I also realise that it's a very different situation than my bellydance example, but if you think of you job as something you are trying to perform well at, impress people in etc. It sucks, but seeing it from their point of view, and giving them less things that may distract them from what they should really be looking at -- you're abilities, skills and personality -- It might make things easier for you as well.
Hope I haven't belittled your concerns and worries, its just a point of view that maybe you hadn't considered.
I'm still not comfortable wearing a wig - and would love to find a way to do my Bellydance without needing it as a prop (one day I'm sure I will) - but for now - it solves a problem.
Cheers and hang in there, good luck with the job hunting :)
-Dominiquea
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Comment by JeffreySF on May 16, 2009 at 1:21pm
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I hope you can be you and not your wig.
Do whatever feels right and good luck!!!
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