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Stress-related. Really?
Just curious...what, in your opinion, was the cause of the beginning of your hair loss?
For me...I was under a tremendous amount of stress. One thing came after the other for a number of years (including a strenuous marriage and owning a hair salon/spa...a whole other story). Towards the end, things became quietly unbearable for me...from getting a divorce to buying a house and moving into the house on the same weekend as switching jobs.
I met my boyfriend one month after moving into my 2 bedroom house (which I bought for my teenage son and myself). Eight months after that, I found out that I was pregnant and I had to "break the news" to my son (and my parents for that matter). He then took this opportunity to rebel hardcore, in my opinion, breaking my heart everyday.
My body did not agree with pregnancy in many ways but hairloss began one week BEFORE child birth. I knew this was different than hormonal pregnancy hair loss because that usually happens 3 months after childbirth. The missing circles grew back. One year later, when my teenager took up smoking, partying, being rude and moving out before his 18th birthday it came out again. This time way worse. It started to grow back again but only on the top. The back and sides were shiny. Anyway, after that, it was over. AU all the way.
For added fun, throughout the saga, I was excommunicated from my childhood religion for my "out of wedlock" behavior/situation. As if the guilt instilled in me was not enough to make my hair fall out, I found myself hiding in my house and avoiding phone calls in order to dodge the inevitable visit from the elders. One beautiful day, my older son had our front door opened. I was BUSTED with my newborn baby and 3/4 of my hair attached. They came to personally inform me of my new "status" with the congregation. This religion is a way of life for my parents and my only brother who are now technically not allowed to associate with me. I don't blame them for their beliefs but it is saddening on both ends. Don't get me wrong, my parents remain very parental and lovingly helpful to me when I am in distress or need them for my children.
During and after pregnancy (even up until now), the truth about my "other half's" continuing dependencies and habits have become more and more revealed to me. The stress that foreign world of his has been causing me is in-explainable. I have given him over 4 years to make different choices. Recently, I asked him to leave our home in hopes of him wanting to make the changes on his own. This was an extremely hard thing for me to do given my new physical situation. I really really wanted it to work out!
When getting my divorce and looking towards my future I'd imagined things to be much different. I never wanted to be a single mom, nevertheless, a single mom with AU. I can't help but to wonder...if I had made different choices all along, would my hair have stuck around a few more years? Maybe for my whole life? Only the future can tell if, by making changes to relieve stress, it may grow back :-/
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Comment by Tallgirl on November 17, 2011 at 1:05am
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Well, I am wondering if someone isn't putting a guilt trip on you and telling you that your choices caused your alopecia...religiously speaking. Naw...even atheists get alopecia. Even a pastor's wife on this site has alopecia. It is in the genes (see latest research), so you inherited the tendency from someone in your religious family tree who carried genes for asthma, diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, or one of the other diseases in that gene group. The only people of concern now are that innocent baby and the adoring mom. The rest are old enough to know better, and to practice true faith and care. Anything less is not worth your...and your child's...time.
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Comment by Deana on November 17, 2011 at 1:37am
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Thank you for your comment. I believe the gene is there in certain people, but my dermatologist from Johns Hopkins University, an alopecia specialist, informed me that there are many people who have the gene for alopocia and it never gets triggered by their "stressful situations". They could go their whole lives never even knowing they had that gene. My mother has some form of hair loss. It resembles alopecia areata but it comes back all of the time although never as thick as before. She used to pull her hair out from the top of her head once a month since the time she started her menstrual cycle. When she was in her 30's she got a permanent which broke her hair off. She became so distraught over that and her hair has never been right since then. I definitely don't think the gene is a result of religion...LOL. I have just had a little too much at once for me to handle, but I am not complaining...just saying. I am still curious if anyone else had higher than normal stress related issues just before the onset of their alopecia.
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correction...or maybe she said that "it is beleived" that many people have the gene.
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Comment by laura on November 17, 2011 at 3:16am
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yep deana im positive my aa was kicked off by stress,i left my husband of 11 years,3 months later met my partner and 6 months into the relationship got pregnant with my little boy....my hair sterted in 2 big patches halfway through my pregnancy....5 months after my baby came we moved house then 2 months later my partners boy came to live with us and we had lots of social work meetings to attend to fight the boys mother to keep him as she was neglecting him.......anyway theres been lots of little stressfull things inbetween all those things so its been continued stress for 2 years and im 100 percent positive it has caused my hairloss x
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Comment by Susan Innes on November 17, 2011 at 12:18pm
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Deana - It very well could be stress just because if we have a vulnerable part of our system that can't resist bad diets, lack of sleep, and the lifestyle turmoils, that physical area of weakness will develop complications. As you say, these things "trigger" the symptoms. You know how some of us lose our voices (always think of former President Clinton), succumb to chest colds, or have stomach problems more often than others? Personally, I think genes predict a lot of these weaknesses; but without the stress, perhaps they could be avoided. I'm not really sure as we all have stress in one form or another. You certainly would qualify for the stress-related conditions for hair loss....sorry to say.
It's funny how we can see our friends and families making some bad choices but are blind to our own; I keep giving advice to everyone and no one listens...and sure enough, they succumb to their illnesses...aaaah, wisdom is found in so few of us (tongue in cheek). Maybe the people like me who can't think of any stressful reason for hair loss are in denial?:). With all of your hurdles, I'd not only have AU but be 6 feet under.
Seriously, I hope you will find some peace in your life soon; you certainly deserve a whole lot better!!! No need to apologize for the complaining; we women really do understand...not sure about the men. According to an article in this morning's paper, women are 7.5 times more likely to suffer "broken heart syndrome" which I think comes from the fact that we open up our hearts more easily and often. I don't like the idea of changing lovely Venus but you did give this Mars figure 4 years to make some "corrections". Peace be with You, Susan
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I think stressors can be little weird things, too. I found out later in life that I am allergic to peanuts and cocktail shrimp, but when I first noticed a bald spot at age ten, my mother used to order birthday cakes from a friend's bakery that had crushed peanuts on the sides, and schoolmates brought peanut butter sandwiches to lunch in third grade. These may have caused some allergic reaction.
There were other changes. I had chicken pox in third grade and probably immunizations for Girl Scout camp in fourth grade, sister had pets I was allergic to, and I was upset that my good grades put me in a social category that I didn't like among my old pals. The music teacher stressed me out when she made me sing first in front of the class. Also, my parents didn't want me to be a tomboy anymore, and stopped me from building forts with the boys (who also wanted to play "doctor"), so I had to put up with stupid Barbie doll play. Hormones were also changing. Now...which of these might my body might have seen as "stressors?" I don't know. I just started to get some spots. Years later, after regrowth, I lost it all a short time after my mother-in-law was nasty to me at Thanksgiving...like, all gone on top within two days, and all gone everywhere by June. Emotional stress. So...who knows?
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Yes, Susan, alopecia is definitely far from the worse thing stress can cause (like being 6 feet under... LOL)! Thanks for the vote of support on the Mars decision. Today he said he's going to make the changes and move back in because he doesn't like being without me. (Awwww) I said "Wouldn't that be nice?" but I meant "That would have been nice." It's all in his court now, at least the part about taking necessary positive steps and proving himself. (I know this is not a relationship blog)
Tallgirl...it's funny you mentioned those allergies. My "would've been sister-in-law" is a dietician with celiac disease who told me of a child patient with alopecia. Thus, I have been gluten free for at least a year and a half now. No hair growth but my sure feels better! She took her off of gluten and I think it was within 6 weeks, she began to sprout new hair! You really never know. It could be the simplest thing for each individual one of us. That is what probably makes this such a random and confusing disorder!
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Comment by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on November 19, 2011 at 11:45am
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In my case stress triggered TE which become Chronic TE then FPB - my derm says the FPB would have been something that I would have had happen anyway - but the start of it could have been decades off - in her opinion the stress triggered it to happen much earlier, The TE was most definitely stress. I was physically assaulted, then had major reconstructive surgery then my Dad died - it was after my Dad passed that the hair loss began but I am sure it was the combined stress of all those events so closely packed together that did it.
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Comment by Molly on November 23, 2011 at 1:55am
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Your situation was very much like mine I went through a heart breaking divorce and then was also disfellowshipped from what seems to be the same religion. Then my hair fell out. But it was the second time that it happened. First I was AA now I'm AU, so I don't know how stress effects it but I did have it before the major stress. I know guilt is a horrible feeling when you get booted out and I know the loss of those close friends as a result of my decisions but we can't undo what we've done. If it's in your heart you'll go back if it's not move forward. I'm still working on that now.. The hair loss is something else though it's tough to accept and work around. But I wish you the best!
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Molly. WOW... When you are going through it it seems so lonely! Definitely the same religion. What a small world! Are you attempting the "reinstatement"? If it weren't for my parents and my brother the thought would never cross my mind but I know those are the wrong reasons so I have not put forth the effort. I love them so much but cant feel what they feel. They feel sad for me and I feel sad for them. You must have had something different trigger the first hairloss episode.
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