Comment by BTB (John) on June 14, 2012 at 1:11pm

I think what your feeling is perfectly valid, the loss of your hair is a traumatic loss and any loss should be grieved. People do notice because a bald woman stands out way more than a bald man, we husbands don't notice love blinds us. For a long time I was somewhat dismissive of what Pat was feeling and it took a lot of talking for me to understand what the consequences of Pats alopecia were, plus also chatting in here helped as well. Hang in there it might not get better but it will get easier.

Comment by Alison on June 14, 2012 at 1:31pm

thanks so much for your kind words

Comment by Amanda on June 14, 2012 at 8:42pm

Alison, it is like I wrote your blog post, that's how similar we are. I am often late for work because I am doing and redoing my hair over and over. I cry and get really frustrated. I have so many products and mirrors and lights. It's like a movie set! I feel so ashamed to admit that I am obsessed with and hate seeing others with nice hair. There I wrote it. My husband also doesn't notice my thinning hair. I know that by nature he is not hair or woman-style savy but i feel deep down that he is just being nice and i am so afraid that i will leave the house with my thinning crown visible. I wish I could shave my head but lately my head is all bumpy due to the needles. I pray it goes away in case I have to shave. I am always hot and am so afraid of wigs and overheating. So confusing! Should I start wearing them now? Should I start wearing more scarves and hats? Ugh. Sometimes I want to shave my head and move away and start over so I don't have to deal with people and my own issues. I am sad that I only have a couple of hair styles that I can get away with now. I am pretty sure my scarring alopecia has not slowed down. Wish I was balding on the sides and could pull of one of those cool punky do's! Thanks for posting and letting me vent. Nice to know we are not alone. :)

Comment by Devin on June 16, 2012 at 1:41pm

I agree with you Amanda on everything. I try and do my hair to but it just don't work and I cry and get frustrated to. I get up for school and have to fix my hair and try to cover the spots. Its so hard. Bit I thank god that we have this website because we all can talk to each other and we know exactly what each and one of us is feeling because we have been in each others shoes. I don't think I could shave my head. Idk. It is very hot to wear a wig. I wear one. I can't go out of the house without it on because I don't want anyone making fun of me or statri. It is hard most of the time. I agree also when you want to move away and start all over and don't have to deal with your own issues. I agree hun I sometimes want to too. I feel like its so hard to go through this, I cried constantly when my hair started falling out. Each time it does. Idk.

Comment by Alison on June 16, 2012 at 4:09pm

I had the same feeling of wanting to move away.... I could shave my head and then wear a wig (or not) but nobody would know me so it wouldn't matter!! I am grateful for this arena to just vent it all out of my system...sometimes you just want to feel a little sorry for yourself around people who will understand and help you over the hump!

Comment by caroline on June 16, 2012 at 9:04pm

maybe a topper would be the answer.....i know i felt so much beter when i just stoped trying to hide my patches n got a wig!!! x

Comment by alamogirl/ aka Judy on June 18, 2012 at 7:31am

Oh Amanda,you are going through one of the roughest times with alopecia! I know, understand and validate your agony right now. And the "understanding" of friends and loved ones with whom you share this situation, while well meant, does not help. First, do NOT beat yourself up about what you are feeling. Just because it is not life threatening, it IS life changing and it hurts. Also, when (or IF) you do get to the point of "needing" to wear a wig (and you may NOT get there!), you will find it liberating in a way. Wigs can be affordable, beautiful and very comfortable. I know it is not your hair ( well it IS since you bought it!). but you will adjust and probably more quickly than you can imaging. And finally, I relate to your wanting to "go away"---my greatest thinning happened while I was on vacation and this was easier being among strangers. Your next hurdle will be telling others in the concentric circles of those closest to you. And this will be easier than you imagine as well. May God bless you, Amanda. This is a road no one wants to be on, but strangely, blessing will result. And have a little cry ( or a big tantrum!) now and then. You are allowed!

Comment by Louis on June 19, 2012 at 1:43pm

Just wanted to let you know that your words do NOT fall upon deaf ears....as a man, it is easier for me to deal with because i can shave it but i still deal with the feelings that come from lossing my hair! If i see someone who hasnt seen me in a while, they ask why i shaved it and then comes the alopecia convo and funny ?'s about it.... Its just awkward and it seems like its hard for people to grasp! People dont tend to accept what they dont understand but still we must push on and remain positive about our situation. I belive judy winkle^^^ offered great advice, as well as others and i am thankful for this site and the people on it! Since this was your worst day, that means they can only get better! Try staying busy with fun activities and people/things you enjoy!

Comment by Amanda on June 19, 2012 at 8:11pm

Thanks Judy for the advice and kind words. They made me smile. Louis, you are right in that if this was Alison's worst day....it has to get better! I love that perspective! Devin, we are lucky to have each other as we are all traveling down a shared path. Alison, hope today was a good one!

Comment by Devin on June 22, 2012 at 3:08am

We are very lucky. We all are walking in the same shoes, we all know or have a feeling of each of us are going through, it may not be as severe but we both have some idea of what each one of us is going through. I admit its hard for me sometimes especially when.my hair started getting worse and worse all I did was cry and cry because of everything that was happening. But I just have to pray that god will make everything work out because everything happens for a reason

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