Too many hair options...same old decision

I believe i wrote on my page a few weeks ago about getting a topper. Well, I opted for a different set of extensions again. I think I decided to hold off on a topper out of pure fear. Deep down I feel that getting a topper or wig means that I will be giving up on hope that my hair will just decide to grow back healthy and strong. I don't know why I just can't take the plunge and do it. I see so many woman on this wonderful site with their pieces and they all look gorgeous; like they are having a ball just going on living and it makes me feel like I can do it too. But it all changes when I talk to my stylist. She was sooooo happy that I was thinking of getting a topper, not that I'm showing that drastically YET but just so I could get used to them early on. As we started trying them on all I wanted to do was cry. So, in the meantime, she set me up with "invisible hair extensions". They are sooo much better than the ones I was using previously. They feel a lot better on my scalp too. But, I will soon HAVE to get a topper. It will not be long before I cannot hide these as well. But, i have a loving family, and great friends who are willing to support me in anything i decide to do. They will be there when i do finally get the courage. I know this may not be a big deal for some who have gone all the way and shaved or wear wigs all the time, but i guess we all must go through this at our own pace. As far as hair goes; does anyone have suggestions about where to get toppers? My main concern is that they look as realistic as possible. The ones my stylist provided seemed too fake to me, despite the fact that they were all real hair. I think the problem for me was the part; it seemed TOO tight and artificial. I would love to hear from you. I just dont want people to know it is not real.

I do have one great fear from all of this. Believe it or not, it is not so much that I'm losing my hair; although I would love to make it stop as we all would, but I REALLY don't want this to affect my personal life. I date, but have not found anything lasting. I sometimes wonder if I push men away for fear they will know "my truth", that he will try to run his fingers through my "hair" to then look at me in disgust. I am so desperate to keep this "secret" hidden because it makes me feel normal. What if he does not want to be with me knowing that the physical me is changing, literally on a weekly basis. Or what happens the day I cant attract anyone anymore once the loss becomes really severe? Or what if he doesn't realize what I'm hiding but I get soooo tired of feeling like a fraud, and what if he is angry with me for lying to him? I want a happy relationship, and maybe one day a family...im just so terrified that this is going to keep me from something that comes to easily to others. I find it sooo unfair sometimes. I would love to feel that someone could care about be despite this. I would love to know that I can live a normal life. I just have so many questions with very little answers. I don't know anyone in my hometown going through this, hence why i am on this site. I'm accepting this pretty well. I just want to make sure i remain a well-balanced person before I move to washington d.c in august. I'm going to be a travel nurse; a goal i have had for some time now, and i refuse to let this stop me. I just want to have fun, live a normal life, make great memories, and just be happy. I still want to feel like a woman, i still want to feel sexy, i still want to feel confident. I just dont want this to keep me from living it all.

Views: 23

Comment by Joy on May 2, 2010 at 6:18pm
Im not sure my answer will cover the spectrum of things you wrote about but i did wear toppers for three years and when you first go to a consult to see one..they most likely have not been styled and parted and even washed yet so they tend to look a little scary. once they are washed styled, cut and blended with your hair they look great. as far as the part goes that also looks better with washing and drying. if its a skin top part like i have always had i used a flat matte white eyeshadow (long wear) to make the part look better...worked great! i now wear a full wig..a Follea and love that too as much as the toppers. i think one thing i did to help was i got supplemental hair before anyone noticed as i knew it was going to fall out anyway. nobody but a few people even know i wear hair. i realize this isnt the right approach for everyone but it eased my fears and struggles alot. when i was wearing my topper i would brush my hair forward...clip the topper in and pull the hair back and add a headband...instant real looking hairline (filled in by the topper too) and then wneh it was time for a full wig i got the best i could afford and the same colors and length and then stopped wearing the headband and "got bangs". it all worked out for me and just the people i wanted to know i told. i know this doesnt cover everything in your blog but just thought i would share my story.
Comment by Krissie on May 2, 2010 at 9:01pm
Thanks so much. all advice is helpful. that is what i'm tryin to do. wear hair while i still have some so no one will suspect. they will just think i like to do different things with my hair.
Comment by Karen Grevious on May 3, 2010 at 4:40pm
Your fears are shared by all of us. What you will find is that over time your comfort levels will change. I lost my hair almost 3 years ago and went out for drinks last night without my wig for the first time (no hat) with my boyfriend of 4 years. It was rather liberating. No one stared. I have gradually begun to share with people about my hair loss so more and more people know. I've had spotty regrowth so I've just started shaving my head completely. I still wear wigs to work (I'm a nurse), but have pretty much ditched the wig all other times. Wigs can be hot and uncomfortable. My boyfriend like rubbing my bald head and has been very supportive. Allow yourself time to adjust and don't be too hard on yourself. Everything you are feeling is part of the process.
Comment by Kari M on May 4, 2010 at 1:18am
It is indeed a process. I have been without hair for 15 years, and three years ago found myself divorced and on the dating scene (ugh) again. I have't worn wigs for over a decade . . . they don't fit my lifestyle and I was wearing them to make everyone else feel more comfortable.

Now, I'm pretty unapologetic about being bald . . . it's me, take me or leave me. And if you leave me, you aren;t really worthy to be a part of my circle anyway.

I realize that my look is not for everyone . . . however last weekend I decided to try an experiment. I wore a VERY good wig that a wigmaker friend of mine had given me while travelling to Philadelphia. It TOTALLY bugged me that no one really noticed me. I realized how much I ENJOY standing out in a crowd . . .

AND, on the way home, when I was wearing one of my cammo hats (stylishnoggins.com) I got asked twice if I was a model, and then a guy with alopecia came over to talk to meand share experiences.

It sounds cavalier, but I am at a point in my life where I like who I am, everything (well, ok, ALMOST everything . . . the booty could be smaller lol), and if someone has a problem or is uncomfortable with my bald noggin, don't waste my time . . .

But it WAS a process, and it took time to get to this point . . .
Comment by Clara S. on May 4, 2010 at 9:23pm
Hi Krissy, everyone has to go through their pace of acceptance. It was really hard for me as well. I struggled with it just like you did and had the same fears. Especially when it came to dating but I can tell you that it doesn't seem like guys really care that much. When i first started dating my bf, i was so afraid for him to get to close. I remember he tried to kiss me and I would move away..eventually he asked why I was pulling away from him and I just decided to tell him there and then about my alopecia. And he was totally cool with that. He told me he didn't care and we've been together ever since. He also went out of his way to make me super comfortable. he's the only one who's seen me without my wig (he shaved my hair off for me) and when i come home from work, he will take it off for me because he wants me to be comfortable. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if it can happen to me, it can happen to you too! We are more than our hair and we're attractive for so many reasons! You will find a ton of support here and i hope that it will help you along your journey. Hugs
Comment by Krissie on May 5, 2010 at 12:36am
Thank you all for such wonderful words. You have no idea how this helps. hugs and kisses to you all!
Comment by Allie on May 12, 2010 at 1:19am
You will be ready for hair changes when you're ready don't force it. Go with your gut. -Allie

Comment

You need to be a member of Alopecia World to add comments!

Join Alopecia World

Disclaimer

Any mention of products and services on Alopecia World is for informational purposes only; it does not imply a recommendation or endorsement by Alopecia World. Nor should any statement or representation on this site be construed as professional, medical or expert advice, or as pre-screened or endorsed by Alopecia World. Alopecia World is not responsible or liable for any of the views, opinions or conduct, online or offline, of any user or member of Alopecia World.

© 2024   Created by Alopecia World.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service