As with most females, my hair looking attractive has always been important to me as far back as I can remember. Even as a young girl I didn't mind the discomfort of sleeping with a headful of pink styrofoam hair rollers if it meant I'd have pretty curls to show off at elementry school the next day. I loved my long hair and thought all girls were supposed to have long hair until I saw the wedding of Princess Diana and Prince Charles. I was eleven years old and now wanted my hair to be cut like a "real" princess. The short feathery hairdo did nothing for me. Being too young to wear make-up or to have any femenine curves I looked like a little Dutch boy and felt very self-concious. I couldn't wait for my hair to grow out. I vowed to never have it short again and to this day I haven't.

In junior-high and high-school my hair-styles reflected my various musical tastes. At first it was touselled, highlighted blonde locks resembling madonna's, then Bon Jovi's permed, layered look and then my much more subdued version of Lita Ford's straight, layered, heavily teased on top and hairsprayed hair. I dreamed of being a bleach bond or dying my hair some vibrant color like purple but that was something my mom would never allow and when I was old enough to do as I pleased the desire for wild had passed.

Sometime in my early twenties I developed a strong aversion to hairspray and wanted my hair to look very natural. I started waiting tables and found it easiest to keep my now very long hair in a braid. Everyone would admire and comment on how pretty and rare such long hair had become and it would make me feel so happy and proud. For nearly too decades I have kept it the same only getting it trimed and occasionally highlighted and can't imagine being without it.

One morning last summer, after a shower, I was combing out my wet hair and to my horror found not one, but two circular bald patches! I couldn't believe my eyes and touched them and they were smooth as could be. I called out to my husband to come look and he said "Maybe it's ringworm from one of our cats". About 15 years ago we both had to be treated for ringworn, which is actually a skin fungal infection despite it's name, that we caught from a kitten we adopted, but I didn't see how that was possible. When he had it before it had only been on our legs and was very itchy. My bald spots didn't itch or feel strange in any way. I looked up ringwom on Google and my bald spots didn't look anything like the photos I saw.

I immediately made an appointment with my family doctor. He saw me right away and did extensive bloodwork trying to figure out why this might be happening to me. My blood work all turned out well except for a B-12 deficiency. He started me on B-12 pills and helped me set up an appointment with a dermatologist that same week. The dermatolagist looked at my scalp for a few seconds and announced to me that I had a disease called Alopecia Areata. She said "There is no cure for this disease, we don't know why it happens and we never know when it might strike again but it always does. The good news is steroid injections into the scalp usually stimulate new hair grown and aside from the hairloss there are no other known complications from this disease". I started crying intensely. The thought of knowing I could wake up again to more bald spots was very unsetteling to me. I pulled myself together enough to ask her to please try the steroid injections. After being given approximetly fifty tiny injections in my scalp and several handouts about my disease I left to go home.

I cried the whole way home. I was dreading telling my husband, mostly because I knew he would never understand why this was so traumatic for me. He was relieved, for his own hair's sake, that it wasn't ringworm. Since my hair is down to my waist and rather thick, those two bald spots were completely hidden unless my hair was wet but even if nobody else could see them, I knew they were there. Since they weren't easily visible my husband seemed to think it was no big deal and told me not to be upset or to worry about. Much easier said than done.

I became very depressed and wondered why I had been cursed with this disease. The uncertainty of when it would happen again started to drive me crazy Every morning for a few weeks I became obcessed with checking my scalp for new bald spots and seeing if my hair was growing back. Before long there were little hairs coming out and I was thrilled but I was still worried about new spots. With each day that passed I became a little more relaxed. Now it's something I rarely worry or think about but I now have a small collection of hats and have picked out a wig online just in case I need it someday. Uncertainty is something all of us must face and accept at different points in our lives. Nothing is guaranteed

by Tish Ali

.