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Voluntary hairloss
Nothing warms my heart more than someone wanting to shave their head to support people with medical hairloss. I was thinking of a simple enough event I could hold in honour of alopecia awareness month. Needless to say my time is running short for planning an event but if not in September, it will be done at least in time for me to fundraise for my missionary venture to Guatemala in February. My issue comes not from planning an event but from an extraordinary request from my 9 year old daughter. She is desperately begging me to shave her head. Why????
She understands the implications of being laughed at and singled out. She knows that people will stare at her wherever she goes and that people will mistake her for a boy as they've done previously with very short haircuts. Her reply was simple and sincere: "Because YOU look pretty bald!" I've obviously done a good job at teaching her that beauty comes in many different forms and as much as I inspire her I have a hard time accepting that she wants to get rid of her beautiful blond hair. Her hair isn't long enough to donate, not to mention it's been dyed once and is quite thin (but curly) so they'd never use it for a wig. She's willing to talk about why she wants to shave her head at school and tell them about alopecia and that she's supporting the idea that bald is beautiful and I think that she's awefully sweet for this gesture.
As a child I did not have the option to keep my hair but my daughter is choosing to get rid of hers. I support my children in being free to make certain decisions, especially regarding what they do with their hair - its theirs, why would I tell them what to do with it? So why do I have an issue with my daughter wanting to get rid of it? Is this my own selfish want for her, knowing the pain and suffering I went through with my own hairloss? Torn between sides I told her to talk to her father about it, I was sure he'd convince her otherwise but he didn't. From his side of the story he doesn't want her to but fears losing her acceptance right now as he's having problems of his own that prevent him from spending much time with them (something she's bitter about).
I told her to wait until I have my event, asked her to wait until after picture day. She replied in tears "I wanna do it before then". I just cut her bangs, she looks like a cute little china doll and I'm sure she'd be just as beautiful without hair I don't want to deal with any drama that may follow in lieu of her decision. We all make mistakes, do I shave her head and let her learn a lesson? There may not even be any lesson to learn if her explanation is accepted. Do I let her make her statement, rebel if in fact this is rebellion?
I turn to my fellow alopecians and parents of, what is your opinion on this manner? Am I being selfish? Is her request foolish? If your 9 year old desperately wanted to shave their hair (and not suddenly, she's been asking for awhile), how would you handle the situation?
She understands the implications of being laughed at and singled out. She knows that people will stare at her wherever she goes and that people will mistake her for a boy as they've done previously with very short haircuts. Her reply was simple and sincere: "Because YOU look pretty bald!" I've obviously done a good job at teaching her that beauty comes in many different forms and as much as I inspire her I have a hard time accepting that she wants to get rid of her beautiful blond hair. Her hair isn't long enough to donate, not to mention it's been dyed once and is quite thin (but curly) so they'd never use it for a wig. She's willing to talk about why she wants to shave her head at school and tell them about alopecia and that she's supporting the idea that bald is beautiful and I think that she's awefully sweet for this gesture.
As a child I did not have the option to keep my hair but my daughter is choosing to get rid of hers. I support my children in being free to make certain decisions, especially regarding what they do with their hair - its theirs, why would I tell them what to do with it? So why do I have an issue with my daughter wanting to get rid of it? Is this my own selfish want for her, knowing the pain and suffering I went through with my own hairloss? Torn between sides I told her to talk to her father about it, I was sure he'd convince her otherwise but he didn't. From his side of the story he doesn't want her to but fears losing her acceptance right now as he's having problems of his own that prevent him from spending much time with them (something she's bitter about).
I told her to wait until I have my event, asked her to wait until after picture day. She replied in tears "I wanna do it before then". I just cut her bangs, she looks like a cute little china doll and I'm sure she'd be just as beautiful without hair I don't want to deal with any drama that may follow in lieu of her decision. We all make mistakes, do I shave her head and let her learn a lesson? There may not even be any lesson to learn if her explanation is accepted. Do I let her make her statement, rebel if in fact this is rebellion?
I turn to my fellow alopecians and parents of, what is your opinion on this manner? Am I being selfish? Is her request foolish? If your 9 year old desperately wanted to shave their hair (and not suddenly, she's been asking for awhile), how would you handle the situation?
Comment
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Comment by Chefpam on September 5, 2010 at 3:24pm
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This made me cry. What an angel you have! Congrats on teaching her what beauty really is. I guess it's our Mothering instinct that wants to protect them at all costs. I think she is trying to show you that what you would do for her, she would for you. That is precious! I don't know what the right decision for you would be personally but it sounds like whatever the result-you already have what matters most-unconditional love!!
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Comment by Dominique Cleopatra on September 5, 2010 at 1:08pm
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I don't know, I'm not a parent, but my gut instinct tells me that at just 9 years old she may not be mature enough to understand the ramifications of such a decision (not that it would be the end of the world, or that it wouldn't grow back.) Also, Fall and Winter are coming up is she willing to wear heavy hats all the time? Will she be cold? I'd love for other parents to chime in on this one. I think you should at least make her wait several months to be sure this is what she wants to do.
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Comment by kastababy on September 5, 2010 at 10:20am
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Girl if she wants to cut her hair off then let her do it -- she's adorable regardless and knows it and is comfortable with her own image enough to take such a drastic step -- she's my new hero!!!
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Carol --
Knowing the pain and hurt we went through ourselves growing up, you have to be commended for having a daughter who at age 9 is much stronger than we were! It's a true testament to the strength of her character (and yours, BTW) that she is voluntarily giving her hair up. By teaching her that true beauty comes from the inside and having her internalize that, she is doing nothing more than practicing what we all preach. That she has been wanting to do this for quite some time is even more remarkable. That means she has very carefully thought about it, judged the pros and cons, and has decided that being bald is worth whatever risk. It's a remarkable show of maturity for someone so young, so I am wholeheartedly in favor of you honoring her wishes.
I wish I had been bold enough to forgo the wig and force my parents to let me be just as I am when I was her age -- perhaps it would have been much less of a struggle then, and not as much of a struggle now as an adult. And in the worst case scenario -- if she cuts it off and doesn't like it -- you can always get her a hat or scarf or wig until it grows back!!
Give your daughter a big hug for me and tell her she has a supporter in Tennessee backing her up on this one!!
Hugs to you both!!!
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Comment by Carol on September 5, 2010 at 10:12am
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This is how she looks now...
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