We are not our hair!

I was diagnosed last week with Androgenetic Alopecia by a doctor with the worst bedside manner I've ever come across. He basically said "You have Alopecia and you're gonna go bald, but you'll keep a ring around the back like a balding man and there's really not much you can do about it."

As you can imagine, I was mortified and walked around shell-shocked all the rest of the day. The thing is, it actually wasn't that much of a surprise diagnosis, because I have had thinning hair since I was about 17 years old which has been getting progressively worse, but I kept putting it down to pregnancies and breastfeeding (I have 3 kids aged 7, 5 and 19 months, so have basically been preggers of feeding continuously for 8 years!). For me the shock was firstly the doctor's complete lack of empathy and understanding and secondly, the realisation that I'd been counting on a magic pill that would make the hair all grow back. The story in my head had a "happily ever after" and he was telling me something quite different.

I am now, a week later, surprisingly okay with this. Maybe it's denial? But I don't think so. I have been virtually attached to my computer and reading up on this non-stop and this site has been so wonderful. What I have seen is AMAZING women who are bald and proud and surprisingly beautiful. And then there are the other women who wear the most magnificent wigs and look phenomenal. And I realise that we are not our hair. I AM NOT MY HAIR! Wow - how liberating is that!

I asked my 7 year old daughter (who is very into Disney princesses and the Little Mermaid etc - all characters with flowing locks...) what she would think if Mummy had no hair. Her response completely blew me away. Without a moment's hesitation, she said "Mum, you would look so pretty if you were bald because your hair wouldn't distract from your pretty face." WOW. And kids are honest. It made me realise that the people who love us don't love us for our hair or our eyes or our boobs or our teeth. They don't love us for our fingernails or our bums or our noses. They love us for us. We are more than our hair.

So, here's my pledge. When I get to the point when I look a bit sad and I have a ring of old-man hair around my head, I'm gonna shave it off and I hope I'll have the courage to go bald. If not, I'm gonna have fun with wigs and get to enjoy the kind of thick beautiful hair I have never had.

You are all an inspiration and I love you for making me realise that this can be turned on its head and that there is a bright, beautiful light at the end of the tunnel.

xoxo

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Comment by margaret staib on March 25, 2010 at 9:38pm
Michelle, I too have a daughter (three). I have been loosing my hair for four years now, kind of like chinese water torture or a hot wired car from one small spot. I am now almost bald. My seven year old looked at me about a year ago when the baldness really came through and said, "mommy, your still the mommy that I love and that loves me even if you don't have hair. It was my ah ha moment. Kids really put it in the best words that you can take to your soul. No we are not our hair. Amen. all the best to you. Margaret
Comment by Mary on March 25, 2010 at 5:33pm
Wonderful post, Michelle! You said it so well. With the attitude you have, I think you won't have any problem adjusting and accepting when it becomes time to shave. I thought my life would be over if I lost my hair. Then when it got to the point in these photos (taken the night before)I shaved it all off and moved on.

http://www.alopeciaworld.net/photo/night-before-shaving-it-all?cont...

Laurie, in my opinion, your doctor is wrong! As soon as I shaved, I felt much better. I felt in charge again and didn't have to keep watching the bald areas expand, didn't have to pick up the hair off the floor and cry every night. Check out my photos of the night before and this one of the day I shaved. My expression says it all:

http://www.alopeciaworld.net/photo/just-after-shaving-my-head?conte...

I haven't looked back. This is me now - healthy, and bald.
Mary
Comment by Laurie Blundell on March 25, 2010 at 4:49pm
Such an amazing testimony. You are right, this site has been very empowering to me and I just started last week! My hair loss came very quickly. I noticed it in December, and now just few months later I am basically that Old man around my head" person. My doctor said I shouldn't shave it because of the negative impact it would have on me psychologically, but it can't be worse than what I see in the mirror and in my comb every day. After reading your message, I think I am going to go for it and shave it off this weekend! Thank you for sharing.
Comment by Lisa Santer on March 25, 2010 at 2:00pm
india.arie has a song called "I am not my hair." Her specific social pressures about hair are different than mine now, but I like the song.

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