I asked the question why me Lord?
This Alopecia has caused me to fall and have no reason to live!!!! My hair is growing and falling out! I have been to several doctors and so many treatments. I'm so tried of people looking at me and having to pay money for hair that sometimes does not look rt! It's not a good feeling at all!!!! I hate the way I look now and finding it hard everyday do look myself in the face or even leave the house!!!!

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Comment by BTB (John) on December 2, 2011 at 8:07am

A fair question to ask if your a believer in an interventionist deity, but if any deity does not have the time to save 35000 children a day dying of malnutrition then I recall cant see him having time to fix someones hair problems. PS I guess you can tell i am a dedicated born again Atheist.

Comment by Joshua on November 30, 2011 at 9:28am

I would like to add that God works in mysterious ways...:) and that is demonstrated in my life over and over again through the people the I would never meet if not for alopecia...:)

Comment by Joshua on November 30, 2011 at 9:26am

Hi Pam,

I cannot agree more with what others have said. You're not alone, I've been through that phase where I hate to leave house, occasionally I still do, the stares are like bullets/ammunition being fired on your self-esteem/ confidence. Being an alopecian is like a journey, a marathon rather a sprint... but I'm glad to know that in this "marathon of alopecia", I am not alone, if I fall down, I can be rest assurred that I will be "picked up" or be provided comfort and encouragement by some really nice people along the way. Do take care and keep us updated...we are always here to listen...

Comment by PJ on November 26, 2011 at 10:40pm

Hi Pam..I too was spending a lot and listening to those who wanted money by telling me this and that. If you're wearing the wigs, try styling as if your own hair. I had some nice wigs some didn't know I was wearing, but got tired of wearing, spending money. I am delivered, free indeed and I am loving me and my new versatility. Hold your head up, walk strong. You will be amazed how bold you will be and helping others dealing with the loss of hair. You will make an impact on others. You hair is not you. I know that now...look at your heart. Love yourself. It took me a long time, 20 years or more, so I know how you feel but you can overcome it, trust me, most of all trust Jesus.

Comment by Pamela McGruder on November 26, 2011 at 9:56am

Thank you Tallgirl, I'm still trying to process your article and get an understanding how can I apply it to my life!!!!!!
slow sometimes at processing and understanding things !!!!

Comment by Tallgirl on November 26, 2011 at 9:46am

I also gave you a response on my blog.

Comment by Pamela McGruder on November 26, 2011 at 9:35am

I understand what everyone is saying and thank u for the LOVE!!!!

Comment by Pamela McGruder on November 26, 2011 at 9:34am

Wow! I will do that hang on!!!! fun u said that I had a very interesting conversation about life. It's sometimes I have these feelings that last a few hours!!! then I get listen to a song or get on facebook! do a quick weave and go out start to feel better and keep moving!!!!

Comment by Kycie on November 26, 2011 at 6:43am
I for one appreciate your honest vulnerability. The fact that you found the courage to be real, completely real with what your experiences have been, how they are effecting your sense of diminished self. I personaly feel the anger you are in touch with is good for you and not against you. Why not feel betrayed by physiological reactions you have no control over. Why not experience feeling like life is unfair. And feeling ripped off within your self makes sense to me. You see your hair growing, start to have some hope.., and then hair starts falling and hope feels like it has been ripped away. I get you. I really do. The not feeling emotionaly safe to go outside.; the anxious anticipation of expecting and/ or fearing dreaded glances, stares from anyone known or unknown is enough to throw anyone into a panic attack, deplete your serotonin and have through no fault of your own a nother chemical imbalance known as the normal depressive respondse to stress. Please consider talking to some type of counselor that will listen with unconditional positive regard for who you are and what you are experiencing. I believe life is a process , and I for one no longer keep any finishing lines. No one knows what it is like to be you inside of your private self- space. ( Yes we can have similar lufe experiences, yet I do not believe the individual' s human condition of internal pain is solved with a " formula of success . I believe in holding onto( not in) my feelings as I get in touch with each one. It is when I can hold and feel two opposite feelings at the same time ( e.g., anger and sadness) that I am giving myself the gift of knowing me more, even if more feels fragile. Life is not supposed to be fair, or just, or always kind, pretty, a straight determined line of " this is my life" ( How about, Why me, why now, why not " her" ( she has not had much pain in her life. Why did you pass her up? What did I do to deserve this? These are gut level heart cries that many people do not want to admit experiencing, or maybe re- experiencing throughout their " real moments) , I admire you and you have me in your fan club! So since I an your first officiak member to your club you did not authorize, I need you to hang onto your breathing, ok, even when it feels shallow; breathe in slowly the sense of what pains you in that moment you need to hide from the outside and then breathe out as if you are oushing your will to see the pain in front of you. In those fearful times I sit in a corner on the floor of my darkened bathroom. I do this breathing exercise 5 times. Then I just allow myself to feel whatever I feel and know that I am honoring the self I may hate, by honoring the pain I am feeling. I am here anytime you want to be heard, no matter where your pain may take you. ( as for me my fear of cancer on Thanksgiving landed me on the bathroom floor.., and in that I am also in my own sense of loss with my lost hair. You are ok just where you are.
Comment by lovelyjan on November 24, 2011 at 9:20pm

Alopecia Areata is not about people accepting you,it about you accepting you!!! Hair does not define who you are. You are beautiful with/without hair. If you find the inner beauty within oneself, the outer beauty will show also.

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