Whispers in the Playground...

Hi,

As i was in the playground to collect my son today in the extreme wind I was quite shocked to have one of the women in the 'circle' of people i stand with say quietly....'i keep expecting to see it just fly off in this wind' then say more quietly....'i really should learn when to keep my trap shut' before the knowing eyes look was exchanged between a couple of others.

Now I know I should be old enough and tough enough to let it 'blow over my head' but I can't help but feel hurt at the comments...which I am sure were about me.

Only the other week, one of the women had her hair changed dramatically, I said I was thinking of having some off mine....so which there was no comment, but the knowing eyes between them again.

Not sure how to handle it at all really. I never thought I would be in a playground situation like this again now.

I have never openly said that I wear a wig to them and I thought it was un-obvious to others that it was one.

Just had to get it off my chest......

Emma xx

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Carol on October 23, 2008 at 12:17pm
I understand how you feel because similar events have happened to me in the past. All I can suggest is that first you find your sense of humour, people are very releived when you can speak openly about things that are usually swept under the rug. It may answer questions that they were afraid to ask or encourage an open doorway of communication so that they may better be able to understand you. A little comment in return to theirs such as "yeah, I know, I had to get out the contact cement for today" or "I just love getting my hair done, I can just drop it off and go grocery shopping at the same time too." Think about getting a few wigs and changing them up, in no time at all your friends will be jealous that they can't change their look as quickly and efficiently as you can! If this doesn't work, try finding friends whose appearance isn't the "be all" of everyday life. As nice as it is to fit in, not every fish belongs to a school! :)
Permalink Reply by Amber on October 23, 2008 at 12:54pm
i have learned this lesson the hard way. people suck. they always have and always will. people just can't help but hate on the different. I often hear people whispering and such and then when they realize that I can hear them they stop talking and all look extremely embarrassed. I just can't comprehend how grown adults sometimes act more childish then a group of school kids.
Permalink Reply by Skin on October 23, 2008 at 2:37pm
Hi Emma.
Carol's advice is absolutely spot on. If you can make light of the situation, others will too & you will've quelled any likelihood of embarassment. - I've had AU for 26 years & have never worn a wig. I appreciate that different people cope with it in different ways & if you're more comfortable in a wig, that's fine.

The only potential problem with wearing one, is the stigma attached to other people finding out. - If you take Carol's advice, as hard as it might be to carry it out, you'll not only silence the ignorant but feel better in yourself too.
Permalink Reply by Reen on October 23, 2008 at 10:28pm
Carols advice is dead on.

this is my favorite part "I just love getting my hair done, I can just drop it off and go grocery shopping at the same time too."

i wish i had advice, but i don't. i'm sorry people are SO stupid!
Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on October 24, 2008 at 2:16pm
Hi

I really hate that this lady spoke behind your back but I guess they may be waiting for you to talk to them. People are curious and if you don't fill in the blanks they will for you. As wrong and intrusive as this is, it seems to be one of the things dealing with alopecia brings. Wigs are a great alternative for those that like them but they just don't take away the fact that alopecia still has to be dealt with. A sense of humour is a great thing and probably will make those around you feel more comfortable. In this case I don't know if they should be made more comfortable. They have acted pretty shoddily and I think that you need to talk to the lady that made the comment ( by herself). I don't know how you feel about doing that, but education may stop the rumours and get these lady into a supportive, caring friendship, rather than what is going on now. Obviously she will pass on your information to the others.

I feel annoyed that they made you feel uncomfortable and don't feel that they should be moddy coddled to make this better for them. I'm not suggesting that you be aggressive, but assertive and forthright information will stop the rubbish in my mind.

Rosy
Permalink Reply by Gemma on October 24, 2008 at 7:31pm
Hello!! I'm a teacher and know from my own observations just how cliquey and unpleasantness the playground can be. This coven of hags sound pathetic and if your hairloss is all they have to talk about then they're pretty sad. I'm afraid i have no words of wisdom because I'm not even at the stage of wearing a wig or other cover up- I'd like a topper but will have to save up! Take care. xxx
Permalink Reply by Emma on October 26, 2008 at 7:29pm
Thank you for the replies :)

On the Friday, the mum was quiet with me as if she didn't know what to say. I just kept myself to myself.
It is now half term here so I won't be seeing the mums for a week. I won't be talking to them about it, don't want to sound mean...but they are the sort that wouldn't take in what I said and would then gossip about it and blow it all out of everything.

I wear a wig as it makes me feel comfortable in myself. I am not one to be shouting about the fact I wear one and most certainly not one to chop and change them as often as my socks.

Emma xx
Permalink Reply by Emma on October 27, 2008 at 5:16am
I think it's great that you were able to 'come out'.

I assure you I am not seen a stuck up! I keep myself to myself about the Alopecia as I don't see that it is any of their business. I do talk to them about other things tho and join in the conversation if I feel i have something to say.

Only my close friends and my family know about it. That's my choice.

Emma x

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