Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Mary on August 5, 2008 at 7:17pm

I shaved my head for several months while I still had patches, and I felt much better with nothing there than with patchy hair. Now I don't have to shave. I know it's a hard thing to do, but after the first few times I went out "in public" with my shiny bald head, it felt more normal to me. My attitude is "I'm bald, get over it!"

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Permalink Reply by kastababy on August 6, 2008 at 7:49pm

Growing up with alopecia, I always went bare-headed at home (even though I fought with my grandmother and mother about it quite a bit -- my tales about that are legendary!). My beloved father is the one who made me feel comfortable about going bare in public. He would frequently take me on little excursions around town -- to the park, to the museum, anywhere the mood took him. He would always ask me if I wanted to go with him. If I stopped because my head wasn't covered, he would ask me if I wanted to wear something on my head. If I said no, then his answer was simple -- "Well come on then, let's go!" Not once did he ever ask me to cover my head; the choice was always mine.

The only obstacles I have ever encountered with going without anything on my head have been in the workplace. For some reason, being myself seems to be a "disruptive" thing -- but to my eyes that is being nothing short of discriminatory -- to me, that's like saying being black or being Hispanic or being fat in the workplace is being "disruptive" too.

Because my goal is to finish law school, and because I always wanted to be a lawyer, I decided to research my options. Thank goodness for the ADA! Now, whenever my AA is active (like it is now; progressed totally to AT, and moving rapidly to AU), I make for damn sure that a letter of diagnosis is in my HR file with an original signature from my dermatologist. I also kindly but firmly advise HR that to ask me to cover my head is a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act as well as the company harrassment-free workplace. I then ask them if they would treat someone with cancer who was going through chemotherapy the same way. Ever since the first time I was asked to cover my head, this approach has led whatever company I'm working for at the time to leave me be.

I think it surprises most HR professionals and management at all levels that I am very much aware of my rights in the workplace and am not afraid to assert them. As a lawyer, I'm quite surprised that you haven't researched those areas of employment law to find ways to make the law work for you. Even in a professional environment, you can wear your wig or be your beautifully bald self -- the choice is up to you. By the same token, if YOU feel more comfortable wearing a wig, then do what makes YOU feel comfortable. You never know -- if you are in a courtroom in front of a jury you might get the sympathy vote and therefore a verdict in your favor!

Please keep me posted on how things go for you -- I'll be graduating from law school in a couple of years and I want to know very much how being in a professional legal environment without a wig works for you -- if I have to put one of those damn things on my head then I'll do what I must -- but I want the precedent of a fellow attorney to be my basis of judgment.

Have a great day!

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Permalink Reply by Maidie on August 7, 2008 at 9:25am

I agree with you that we are protected by the ADA to choose to go without our wigs but there is that legality versus the reality of working in the corporate world/legal profession. That "reality" includes the perception--warranted or not--that you may be deemed a "high maintenance" employee. Another reality is how you are perceived by management, colleagues and opposing counsel. I definitely don't think it is fair but after 7 years of legal practice, I do think those are all practical considerations that must be weighed before the decision to go wig-free is made in a professional setting.

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Permalink Reply by kastababy on August 9, 2008 at 5:01pm

I would totally agree with you on that statement, which is why it was years before I made the decision to go wigless, scarfless, you name it. It was also the reason why I researched it and made sure the law was on my side and there were no loopholes for the scallywags to jump through (Tennessee being a right-to-work state). With my current company, with whom I've been working for the past 3 1/2 years, everyone got used to me with scarves during the first episode of AA before it progressed to AT. Luckily for me in this regard, Comcast has been very supportive of my needs and so it hasn't been a big issue. Occasionally, there is the jackass manager or supervisor who wants to try to use me to make an example, and my only response to that is that in almost 4 years, I am still working for the company and they aren't. I don't think that because of my outspokenness and my determination to live my life and be comfortable in my job on my terms that I am seen to be a "high maintenance" employee in that sense. If I'm seen to be high-maintenance, it's because intellectually I run circles around many of the people I work with everyday, so the repetitive nature of my job holds no challenge whatsoever, and boredom leads to trouble.

If you are working in a firm (and judging by the wording of your dilemma I can only presume that you are), then I would approach the matter with the senior partners and managing partners and get their input. I still think you will find them to be a lot more supportive than you would think. And pardon my ruthless and competitive nature, but somehow anything that would intimidate my opposing counsel and give me the advantage in the boardroom or courtroom can't be all that bad, can't it?

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Permalink Reply by christy murphy on August 10, 2008 at 5:37pm

I work in an office setting, and right from the start, everyone has been supportive. Now that I go totally bald at work, I can't imagine someone coming up to me and dare ask me to cover up my head. I would pull every bald man I work with in with me and say if I have to cover up, then so do they! We really need to try to stop this insanity! You know, Dove's real beauty campaign is great, and I wish somehow we bald (beautiful) women could get in out that campaign. I cannot stop stop stating the quote, "change the way you see, not the way you look".

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Permalink Reply by Maidie on August 20, 2008 at 10:30am

Yes, I agree there should be more marketing/advertising featuring bald women. I have to confess that since returning to the big city, I haven't gone wig-free at all. I had hoped to be able to do so at least with my friends but since most of them in Houston don't know about my AU, I haven't pulled the trigger. I guess I kinda feel like I need a place where I can have a fresh start as a bald woman...

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Permalink Reply by Mary on August 12, 2008 at 12:05am

Hi all,

I just got back from a big family wedding - my first such event since losing my hair. I thought I'd share my experiences. I wore one of my Turkish scarves for the party the night before the wedding. Although I go "out" regularly without any head covering at home, I decided to wear my wig for the outdoor wedding ceremony and reception (the same short wig I'm wearing in my video). The reception was in a very warm room and involved a great deal of dancing - which I love to do. I kept the wig on for most of the reception because I didn't want to draw attention away from the bride and groom on their big day. I just about died! When I finally took it off near the end of the reception/dance party, the inside was so wet it dripped. This was the first time I've done anything physically excertive while wearing a wig, and I don't think I'll ever do it again! When I finally did take it off, everyone was great and I had some nice conversations about alopecia. I instantly felt SOOO much more comfortable and cool. I commend everyone who can wear a wig when it's warm and/or during exercise, but I just can't.

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Permalink Reply by Mary on August 13, 2008 at 7:24pm

Thanks - but I'm married.

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Permalink Reply by Anna on September 10, 2008 at 3:09pm

I hope that it has continued to go well for you without your wig.

I went wigfree in about 5 years ago and I love it! The step was a bit hard to make, I started by going wig-free at home and gradually took my first steps outside the house. At first just to throw garbage or get the mail, but after a few days I went to the woods. Noone could see me there and it was cool feeling the breeze on my head!
I still remember the first time I went to work, I was nervous but was welcomed by my co-workers. Since then, I have had no problems at all despite the fact that I meet a lot of people, or that I used to live in i a small town.

I think it's easier in some countries than in others. I live in Sweden and most people is tolerable towards different looks, we have laws that don't allow workplaces to discriminate employees due to looks and such. I've never been worse treated than others.

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Permalink Reply by Mary on September 10, 2008 at 3:21pm

Thank you for your supportive words. Even since I made my YouTube video last month, I'm more and more comfortable "out" and bald. Aside from one little kid at the zoo saying "that lady doesn't have any hair!", nothing has happened.

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Permalink Reply by Anna on September 11, 2008 at 9:50am

Oh, the kid-comments! Yes, I have gotten them alot! I have two children myself and their friends often look a bit wide-eyed at me... ;-) But so far I haven't heard of any teasing of them.

When the kids went to day-care-center, there was a boy who always wanted to feel my head in search of hair. Every afternoon he came to me and said "Don't you have any hair today?". It was his parents who were ashamed but I talked to them that it was okay. I also explained to every personnell and most parents about Alopecia and feel that I raised some awareness around the disease.

I hope you continue to feel good about your baldness. :-)

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Permalink Reply by DesertAngel on September 20, 2008 at 2:52pm

I wonder when I'll reach this point? I still have quite a bit of hair (scarring alopecia) but it's getting to the point where I may as well shave (bald spots just getting wider). I hate my wig and dream of this day...when I walk in the sunshine wig free! I also dream of the day when I walk the street and see bald men, women, and children and it makes no difference. No one stares or cares.

Until then, I think I can understand employers being more comfortable with us (I said us) wearing our wigs. But one day, one day they'll have to accept our decisions to go wig less!

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