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Permalink Reply by Char on August 14, 2008 at 6:15pm

Just be there for her and don't pressure her into any social event that would make her uncomfortable and cause more stress. It takes a while for some people to accept what is happening to their body. Sometimes speaking to a medical professional or religous leader can help. It's hard to lose something that you once took for granted. I have three way older brothers and they like to make me laugh and smile. They don't make me feel like I'm "different" just because I have no hair. They still treat me like their little sister and tease me and pick on me like they always have.

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Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on August 15, 2008 at 1:36am

Hi

I meet and deal on a daily basis with many people who have alopecia. There are many different ways that people like to deal with this condition but the thing that saddens me the most is when people make there life very small and very controllable. Life isn't meant to be lived like that it is about taking risks, failing and succeeding. I think that is what is worrying you - you see your sister stopping life.

If I were you I would talk, talk, talk , talk , talk etc. LOL to her. Don't let her fob you off with leave me alone I'm fine. Keep getting to know her find out her loves, her fears and help her be all she can be. There is no quick fix for this condition and I don't believe this will be a quick thing for you to be able to help. But I know that love and support and unconditional acceptance by a kind brother will go a long way to making her understand that she is ok.

Just from my heart, brothers are the best at helping sisters understand they are ok. I have two and they are the best. You sound like a bit of a star as well.

Rosy

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Permalink Reply by Lori D. on August 15, 2008 at 9:18am

I agree with the others. Talk to her. I have two sisters who never, in all the time I've dealt with this, asked me about it or how I was feeling about any of it; (I've had this for 36 yrs). We definitely could be closer. And self-confidence is a tough thing to regain after one is hit with this. Maybe counselling would help. It helped me. About dating, I've learned that anyone worth anything has his priorities in order and views the hair loss as the cosmetic issue that it is. Good Luck.

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Permalink Reply by James H on August 15, 2008 at 10:44am

Thanks for all the responses -- these suggestions are helpful.

She's had alopecia for 12 years, and over that time we have not had much contact other than holidays and occasional family get-togethers. From my perspective, she has withdrawn, but I suppose that I haven't really reached out to her either, and it's time for me to be more pro-active.

And I agree on the dating point that anyone worthwhile will treat the cosmetic issue as only that, but getting started has been a challenge.

One obstacle is that she has not shown much interest in alopecia networking or support groups. I don't think that I could persuade her to join a site like this, but she's not much of a computer person anyway. One idea I had was offering to go with her to the annual NAAF patient conference (that I just learned of yesterday via google). Can anyone who has attended share their experience and weigh in on whether it would be worthwhile?

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Permalink Reply by kastababy on August 16, 2008 at 8:12pm

I have to commend you for loving your sister so much that you are reaching out to us here in AW for advice on how to help your sister live with AA. My own brother is 8 years younger than I am, and he was taught from birth that whether I had hair or not, I was just me. He too is very protective of me and my feelings, and would give me his own hair if he could. He is very intuitive, like our father, and has no hesitation in removing me from a situation if he thinks that I am uncomfortable in any way. We still play the dozens and check each other just as if AA didn't exist too!

Just talk to your sister. Ask her about what she is feeling, or how she is feeling about certain things. Listen to what she is telling you, and then formulate a plan based upon her responses. And keep visiting and talking to us here in AW -- we are all here for you and for her too!

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Permalink Reply by Zoey on August 18, 2008 at 12:19pm

James, Be very supporting. Show her that she is beautiful and can do anything, if she puts her mind to it.
My brother's have always been there for me.. They are sometimes a little too over protective. But, thats sometimes nice to know.

Do you know why she is not dating? Is she on this site? I would love to talk to her :)

Zoey

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