Alopecia World
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A question of transparency - and summer wig suggestions?
Hello AW, I would love to know how wig-wearers "come out" to the outside world. All my hair fell out in about 3 weeks back in Aug/Sept, so I'm still new at navigating how to explain this to people. I have two jobs. One "professional" job in an office, where I have only told 2 people (not my boss) and I only told one of those people because she kept commenting on my hair and how good it looked all the time. (thanks, Jon Renau!) My other job is as a yoga teacher, and I am *very* open in that community - I teach in a shorter wig, and practice bald. Then, there is my personal life.
Questions - three sides - same coin:
1. Should I tell my boss and co-workers about my alopecia? I'd love the option to mix it up and wear all these great wigs I've been collecting. However, it would also mean having to tell people in my building, etc. etc. It's a lot of openness for a person who is constantly trying to hide.
2. In my yoga job, I work with one person who, whenever I see her, makes comments about my appearance. She told me I looked like Barbie in my new blonde wig, keeps asking me if my eyebrows are really that color, and what my real hair color is, etc. etc. It isn't intentional, she is very sweet, just immature. I took a leap, and made a choice to be very open in this community, but the result is definitely being tarnished by this weekly encounter. Is there a kind way to tell her that I'm not comfortable having my appearance be the topic of every conversation? Or, should I tell her nicely, just that?
3. My personal life. I've been in a relationship with the most wonderful man for almost a year. He has told some of his good friends and family members (who I have met) about my alopecia, which I was surprised to hear, but now I feel weird about them knowing about it and not having the discussion with them myself. For some reason, not having control of the situation makes me feel, well, out of control.
Is there a "right" way to be open about it? What's ironic, is that I know, with absolute certainty, not a single person thinks or cares about my hair. At all. It's all just my perception because all I can see is WIG WIG WIG whenever I look at myself.
While I'm up here, I'd love to know what to do about how to manage wig wearing in the summer. My wigs aren't nice enough to put up in a ponytail, and it gets CRAZY hot and humid here.
Insight and advice welcome and appreciated!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by MagPie on
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Nope - not hot yoga, but still sweaty and fun! Practicing bald is amaaaaaazing. Not having to move around my giant ponytail and my scalp is so cool and breezy. I like your approach to Miss Curious :-)
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Permalink Reply by suz on
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I say go bald and proud. I think the more people that do so, the more it will be accepted. It is easy for me to say though, since it is my daughter that has been bald since she was 2 and is now 22, not me. She wears a baseball cap. People often think she has cancer and she has to explain to them she doesn't.
Really it is whatever you are comfortable with though that is important.
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Permalink Reply by Holly on
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I just "came out" at work last week. I've been wearing the same wig style & color for the last 5 years and just got a new wig with a different color and is longer. It's a big enough difference that I knew people would ask questions. Some people notice something is different but not sure what. Like you said, no one notices the wig except us that are wearing it. When I came to work last week the typical question was "what did you do to your hair?" My answer was "I got a new one" then explained simply that I wear a wig or went deeper and explained alopecia. Most people commented on how great the last one and new one look. They would have never guessed. Then, it was on to business as usual. No big deal. I'm happy that it was much easier than I thought.
As far as your boyfriend telling others. I'm okay when a friend or family member tells someone before me. Some people can be shocked and say something stupid (not on purpose) to you if you tell them directly. This gives the 3rd party an opportunity to talk to someone else about any concerns they have. Then they can come to you with any additional questions.
Next step is for me is to try all-natural. I will take a bit more self esteem for that but feel it's the right step for me.
I wish you all the best!!!
~Holly
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Hi
I think this is an a learning journey and telling people about yourself and your alopecia is a very personal choice.
My advise would be to work on what you actually want to happen and how you can achieve this. Do you want to be absolutely open about your alopecia in all circumstances??? Or do you want to have control over who knows and when they know?
I've watched my daughter grapple with this over the last 11 years. It has been something that she has definately grown through and continues to do so. For a few years she was quite secretive about her alopecia. Then she realised that wasn't working so well for her, so she began to tell people that she trusted. That was a learning experience in it self as she had to work out what best suited her when telling people. (I advised her at the time never to minimise what she has and continues to go through and to make sure that she supports the person she is telling so they know how to support her).
When she was attending university she really came into her own. Like you she prefers to wear a her Freedom Wigs in different styles...so often looked very different from day to day. This was when she became very confident with how she wanted to present herself and learnt how to explain her alopecia in a way that suited her.
She is now a Chemistry High School Teacher at a school with over 2,000 boys. She is open about her alopecia in that environment and is totally support by the staff and the boys at her school. She prefers to wear wigs and doesn't show the boys or staff her head (her view is that is personal and not something she feels everybody needs to see). At home and with her boyfriend, family etc. she often doesn't wear her hair.
I hope what I have passed on helps a little as I know that this is a personal choice and something that you will work out for yourself. Just take your time....and look after you.
Rosy
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Hi Also my recommendation for summer would always be a Freedom Wig ... but I am biased, I love this option for hair.
Hope you find something that works well for you.
Rosy
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Oh Freedom wigs are so lovely! I met a woman with one a few weeks ago, and I got wig envy. I'm still working it out with my health insurance to see how much of a wig they will cover. I'm also growing in a lot of fuzz (white, but still, hooray for fuzz!) so I'm not sure a silicon grippy-style would work in the long run. If it turns out I'm bald for the long haul, I think I'll go that route. It seems like once you go silicon, you never go back!
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Hi
The silicone is pretty amazing stuff. Good luck with your regrowth!!!!
Rosy
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What is a beaubeau? I wear a wig all day at work and mine is off the minute I come into my house. I usually wear baseball caps for errands on weekends and when I'm outside around my house. Only inside the safety of my home do expose my fine, see thru to the scalp, sad hair. I'm always looking for cool, comfortable alternatives to wigs as I have hot flashes and I really do get hot and itchy up there, lol. Clue me in, please!
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Permalink Reply by Kimberly on
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Do whatever works for you... For the longest time, I was very private about my condition. I found the more I opened up about it, the better I felt. Even though it's nerve wrecking at first to open up, at least you can feel better knowing you aren't hiding anything. I do feel more comforable wearing wigs in public and always will, I don't have anything to prove to anyone. I just try to live my life the best I know how. I honestly can say today, if hair loss is the worst I deal with, then I am so sooo blessed. There are so many things way worse that could happen. I have had some form of alopecia for 32 years now - been AU for the last 18 years. I am praising God for my health and family. Best of Luck and God Bless!
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Permalink Reply by Lexi on
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You are from MA and it is hot? I am in FL and you don't understand hot and humid and for so long....Part of the reason I still wear my straggly locks to work and always seem to wear a baseball cap every where else. .Question, how did your coworkers not know you were wearing a wig in the start? I never understand that one.
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Hi,
I have been away from this support site and have really missed it!
I live in FL and want to try swimming again!!
Has anyone had any experience with a Water Wig by CreatedHair?
I'd appreciate pros and cons on this wig.
Thanks
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