Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sharan on February 14, 2009 at 5:15pm

hey steph, you r cool no matter what and if you did have hair, you would have to consider cut, colour, washing, conditioning, gel or mousse, straightening spray, hairdryer, straightening irons, brushes and combs, clasps and bobbles omg I loove my smooth, uncomplicated life. Stay positive and be kind to yourself. My mum really loves me wearing a wig but I have stopped cause I dont. I used to wear one to please her but that done me no good whatsoever. Be who you are, Im a very proud alopecian.

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Permalink Reply by Zoey on February 14, 2009 at 9:29pm

Stephaine,
I can totally relate- I always want hair and wonder why me. Why did this happen to me.. But, we have to try and think of the positives.
I wish I had the courage is go without my hair outside, I either wear my scarves or my wigs outside. I can not manage to go without my wig. (I know I need help)
But, we all struggle all the time, we just need to keep positive thougths :o)

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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on February 15, 2009 at 11:04pm

Sometimes people don't have a clue what to say so they mumble out anything or miss the point. They like to hear themselves talk, and feel like noble Florence Nightengales when they think they have said something medical or helpful. But very few of US know anyone else with Alopecia, so those haired people are even MORE clueless. Just keep coming on this site to really talk, and politely ignor those who say hurtful things. They will only be informed of the conditions that actually affect their own family members or themselves. You do your own self affirmation, because they don't know how.

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Permalink Reply by Buddy Daniels Friedman on February 24, 2009 at 3:53am

hello there to you stephanie, Buddy is the name and I understand your inner feeling as you are expressing it, I go thru it too. It has been since I was 36 that in 3 month I was A.U. BACK IN 1985, I am 60 now look a lot younger than the other 60 year old friends, but it is ok, I have learned to cope with it and all the feelings that come with it. All I can say is when we want hair we just have to put it on and get on with it, i DO THIS THING IN MY HEAD WHEN THINGS GET TO MUCH, here it is..... I DO THE PROCESS REMOVE THE EMOTION, sounds easy, & when you do it enough it works , & I just get on with it & get more done.
I would like to add you to my list of friends would you do that?
Thanks Buddy I hope to add more picyures soon.

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Permalink Reply by Dominique on February 24, 2009 at 7:33pm

Hey Stephani,

I completely empathise with what you're going through. I've been bald since I can remember, and I'm now 23 years old.

I went through some really hard periods when I was a teenager, hiding under hats, not knowing whether to take it as a compliment that people couldn't imagine me any other way. If your hair grows back - people won't like you less. I sometimes find it helpful to turn that around and challenge the thought - for example - would you think worse of your friend if they lost their hair and chose not to wear a wig (or did something that changed their outwards appearance?) The answer is probabaly no - they'd still be your close friend. So - it is unlikely they would treat you any differently.

Your self esteem and confidence will return... Going through what we all have around here - usually makes you a really strong person - and most people are alot stronger than they think they are. You've gotten this far - it's a daily decision to step out of the house in the morning and challenge the world to open their eyes to the diversity of humanity. You're probably at the point where it's automatic now... like me ... but tis still a decision and challenge you take up every day.

One thing I've done in the past to boost my self confidence was getting a friend to do a photo shoot of me. Nothing better than having beautiful photos of yourself to look at. It also through me out of my comfort zone - which is a great way to force yourself to look at your personality and who you are and realise how incredible and unique you are.


I recently bought my first wig - and your words:
"somehow i love being unique and when i wear it and i fit in the crowd it drives me crazy inside and i cant deal with it" - struck me as so true. I'm so used to people doing a double take, or looking at me with curiosity - that when they don't - It feels really really weird to not be noticed. I barely wear my wig now - it makes me more self concious than not, and isn't worth it.

Those days you wake up and want hair - they are tough. I dont' think (for me at least) those days have anything to do with people outside of you - they are just a 'This is not fair! I want hair, for me! -- It almost just this unquenchable desire to touch, brush, play with and own your own head of hair. An experience you've never had, but that you really want. There is nothing to substitute it (even the best wigs).

*hugs* You were okay once, you will be again. Listen to your friends/family when they say you are beautiful - they know you better than anyone. When they say they can't imagine you any other way - think rationally about it - remember when you first put on a wig - how bizarre it looked to have something around your face - they're just trying to express that they love you exactly the way you are - and perhaps can't understand how you can feel so strongly about something they take for granted.

ahh.. hun. What you have said resonates so strongly with my own fears and concerns from a few years past. Hang in there.

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Permalink Reply by Ted Michael Morgan on February 24, 2009 at 9:02pm

You are feeling what you feel. You are being honest with yourself. My longings come in other ways, but I feel pain about my own unfulfilled desires--to look other than I do, to realize dreams other than those I have realized so far. Keep being honest with what you feel and what you desire.

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