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Dating problems, rejection insecurity, where I go again!
Hello, everyone, my name is Jorge am currently 31 years old Portuguese guy living in Melbourne Australia.
I have alopecia universalis since I can remember, the patches started when I was 8 years old and involved to AU when I was about 15 I guess. I don't remember myself with hair, to be honest. Its 3 am here in Melbourne 3 degrees Celsius outside and it's the first time in posting something here besides some photos a long time ago.
I would like to say that I never felt excluded and I always had an amazing group of friends that never let me down. Saying things like "you are one of a kind", "you look great its or trademark image", "you should be more confident with a woman they like you". You know the kind of things your true friends say but deep inside me, I know they were just being amazing and trying to give me some self-esteem boost. And I do thank them for that!
I always was a funny guy the one with confidence and the guy that makes everyone else laugh all the time. Now that I think about it, at the start it was the way that I found to break the ice and interact with everyone and make them laugh instead of focusing on my alopecia, they were too entertained to thing about hair!!!.
I though I was confident enough to don't care about AU, I even helped some people with AU giving them kind of motivational speech, cause at the time I was being successful in my professional life and imagine in my love life too! Can you imagine I had the most beautiful and hot girlfriend for 5 years, and she approached me (i never approach a girl first, to scare of rejection) crazy I know!! A beautiful girl how the hell that happened!
So basically all fall apart after she broke up with me 5 years later. And all of the daemons of AU come back to me, all the insecurity, fear and sadness, anger, asking why me... crying alone. Yeah, men do cry sometimes!
Basically, I was depressed 1 year at home, without even realizing that I was in some kind of depression! Me the one who makes everyone laugh, the guy that help the others all the time and the guy that says the life is a wonderful present! It couldn't be possible I should be the last person in the world to be depressed.
Anyway and don't want to write my memories yet so I'm gonna resume.
I know I had to change my life so I left country, family and my friends and came to Australia to start a new life.
And here Alopecia strikes again, and here it hurts the most, being rejected from the woman. I feel that here more than ever. When I go to one bar or a club and I'm dancing I just see how fast I'm rejected, I have the impression they look at me like an alien sometimes. Sorry to be so raw with the words.
Maybe I need to work on my self-esteem again, but for me having a girl was my way to say "In your face Alopecia". It's stupid but makes me feel good, makes me feel desired and accepted, normal in some away, starting with alopecia with 8 years is too much of a burden sometimes.
Sorry for the long and nonsense post maybe. It was a good opportunity to train my English anyway, my writing skills are not good yet. I'm much better in Portuguese!
I would like to know how you deal with this dating thing? Any suggestion?!! how do you approach opposite sex?
ps: The thing that upsets me more is not having eyebrows
pps: Thank yours for your time I felt better after throwing some words here.
Sincerely,
Jorge
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Permalink Reply by Paris on
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Thank you for sharing. Have you tried dancing classes? Where you get to know the other dancers and there is less pressure when meeting others ? I find people who participate in social couple dancing are more accepting of others. All the best Jorge
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Permalink Reply by Photolic on
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Thank for the reply! That's a good idea, I think my random movements dancing skills are not the problem! ahaha! But I though about that already and maybe the dance classes would help with my disguised shyness!
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Permalink Reply by gt on
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Hi Jorge, You can certainly have some eyebrows tattooed in and I would recommend it. We all look a bit different without eyebrows! Other than that I have found women love bald heads on a man! More than one with hair! Get some eyebrows put on a go get em! Greg
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Cheers, Greg! Thanks! I hope you are right, I had some girlfriends in the past. but still, I feel insecure! The eyebrow tattooed was always in my mind but I'm really afraid of it, cause I think I may look even weird with them, I don't know I have to think about it really well. But the eyebrows are my problem now, I wouldn't care to be bald all of my life if I only get eyebrows I would be happy!
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No Fear man! It's a standard procedure here in the states. Women do it mainly when there's thin out. Try getting a eyebrow pencil and paint them in yourself. You will get an idea of what they will look like. They have tattoo pro's here that specialize in this and get big money, 400-600 dollars, but of course worth it! Google for some in your area that perform this procedure. When my son was 11 years old he shaved his off. He did look funny so we used an eyebrow pencil and painted them in until his grew back. It looked fine. You know the old story, folks are more concerned with how they look to you and not the other way around. You are a cool looking dude and if your funny and confidant the right lady is gonna be all about you. Traditional beauty in a woman also can be a bit of a trap, for them and you. A woman that takes care of herself physically and emotionally is what you want, then she will do the same for you! Get those eyebrow and go be yourself, she will find you! Then play hard to get! :) G
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Take a look at "microblading". It is the newest fad in eyebrow tattoos. Many women and celebrities do it and they look very natural.
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Jorge
I would highly recommend mircoblading your eyebrows in
They will draw in first then when your happy they will mircoblade them in
Really women do not mind bald men at all. On the other hand bald women , are very much judged by men & women here in BC.
I did my eyebrows and really I feel much better a lot people said it just bright in the face and smiles !
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Permalink Reply by terri on
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Hi Jorge, You are very nice looking. The alopecia shouldn't be an issue with finding women. I have been married for 28 years and being confident is the best way to attract a woman. Your confidence was shaken up when your girlfriend broke up with you. No different than if you get fired from a job. We start to second guess our worth and wonder if anyone wants us.
Don't tattoo eyebrows, they look odd. You are hot and sexy and look amazing just the way you are. I would recommend faking confidence and start to flirt with women you are interested in meeting. Whatever you do, don't act wounded or vulnerable in front of a girl you want to date.
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Thank you for your words, Rose at the moment I don't feel that away, but a compliment it's a compliment, and made me smille!
Never the less I'm not that innocent, I had some girlfriends in the past. And when I'm down that's what my friends try to remind me! "Hey, man you already had X and Y with you do you think they picked because of what?!" So yeah maybe it's a problem of attitude and cofidence right now!
About microblading I'm still unsure of it I'm afraid that will look unnatural and is permanent right? xxXx
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Permalink Reply by FADI DIAB on
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The right woman will come in the right place, at the right time. Alopecia or non alopecia. the people you are dealing with are superficial people who want eye candy. you want my advice?
A. HIT THE GYM AND WORK ON YOUR PHYSIQUE. Women are attracted to wide shoulders and Biceps way more than faces.
B. Work so hard that you have enough money to act like a millionaire with a regular guy's income. (fight fire with fire) Being rich is an attitude.
C. I have universalis (no brows or lashes)
If you do these things, and you are still in the same boat, your problem is not the Alopecia.
P.S. I say these things as if I am advising a little brother. I was in the EXACT same situation you are going through now 9 years ago. Do steps A and B, and you can thank me later.
btw, my profile pic was before i lost all hair on face.
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He said: When I go to one bar or a club and I'm dancing I just see how fast I'm rejected. I agree 1000 % with you about hobbies and interests. My advice to him is for the nightlife scene to "put him on par with the Head and Shoulders guys". The foot in the door if you will. Alopecian Universalis guys need something to level the field. That is all i meant.
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