Alopecia World
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Dating problems, rejection insecurity, where I go again!
Hello, everyone, my name is Jorge am currently 31 years old Portuguese guy living in Melbourne Australia.
I have alopecia universalis since I can remember, the patches started when I was 8 years old and involved to AU when I was about 15 I guess. I don't remember myself with hair, to be honest. Its 3 am here in Melbourne 3 degrees Celsius outside and it's the first time in posting something here besides some photos a long time ago.
I would like to say that I never felt excluded and I always had an amazing group of friends that never let me down. Saying things like "you are one of a kind", "you look great its or trademark image", "you should be more confident with a woman they like you". You know the kind of things your true friends say but deep inside me, I know they were just being amazing and trying to give me some self-esteem boost. And I do thank them for that!
I always was a funny guy the one with confidence and the guy that makes everyone else laugh all the time. Now that I think about it, at the start it was the way that I found to break the ice and interact with everyone and make them laugh instead of focusing on my alopecia, they were too entertained to thing about hair!!!.
I though I was confident enough to don't care about AU, I even helped some people with AU giving them kind of motivational speech, cause at the time I was being successful in my professional life and imagine in my love life too! Can you imagine I had the most beautiful and hot girlfriend for 5 years, and she approached me (i never approach a girl first, to scare of rejection) crazy I know!! A beautiful girl how the hell that happened!
So basically all fall apart after she broke up with me 5 years later. And all of the daemons of AU come back to me, all the insecurity, fear and sadness, anger, asking why me... crying alone. Yeah, men do cry sometimes!
Basically, I was depressed 1 year at home, without even realizing that I was in some kind of depression! Me the one who makes everyone laugh, the guy that help the others all the time and the guy that says the life is a wonderful present! It couldn't be possible I should be the last person in the world to be depressed.
Anyway and don't want to write my memories yet so I'm gonna resume.
I know I had to change my life so I left country, family and my friends and came to Australia to start a new life.
And here Alopecia strikes again, and here it hurts the most, being rejected from the woman. I feel that here more than ever. When I go to one bar or a club and I'm dancing I just see how fast I'm rejected, I have the impression they look at me like an alien sometimes. Sorry to be so raw with the words.
Maybe I need to work on my self-esteem again, but for me having a girl was my way to say "In your face Alopecia". It's stupid but makes me feel good, makes me feel desired and accepted, normal in some away, starting with alopecia with 8 years is too much of a burden sometimes.
Sorry for the long and nonsense post maybe. It was a good opportunity to train my English anyway, my writing skills are not good yet. I'm much better in Portuguese!
I would like to know how you deal with this dating thing? Any suggestion?!! how do you approach opposite sex?
ps: The thing that upsets me more is not having eyebrows
pps: Thank yours for your time I felt better after throwing some words here.
Sincerely,
Jorge
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Permalink Reply by Photolic on
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Fadi thanks for your comment! 100% agree the right woman come at the right time regardless AU or not. I would say more, they always come when you are not looking for them. Every time I focus on my work and my hobbies and I don't care about the woman, someone crosses my path.
I really liked your tone and how you speak to me! It felt like was coming from a would experienced brother! thank you, man!
Regarding your advice, I'm gonna hit the gym for sure sooner or later. Because I felt better about myself, and exercise leads to a healthy mind! It helped me before when I was down. And you hit the jackpot attitude is the right word and I know that's the one thing I'm missing! Easy to say then to change but I'm gonna do my best!
cheers
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Permalink Reply by Sad1995 on
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It's a shame that you have alopecia because you have elite model tier facial structure. If you had hair, eyelashes, eyebrows, and a beard you would be an 8/10 with a different girl everyday.
But yes being honest you are very ugly right now. You need to hit the gym and take steroids. You are way to skinny. Definitely get some eyesbrows ans eyelashes tattooed on or get some fake ones.
Don't listen to any women on here who tell you that you look good. Women are dishonest and they would ignore/reject you in real life.
To summarize.
1. Roid up get a sick physique
2. Get fake brows and lashes.
3. Take xeljanz If you can afford it.
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You don't actually find him attractive. If you met him at a bar or club you would reject him immediately. I don't understand what you women get out of lying to a man over the internet. If he was actually attractive he wouldn't be in the pit that he is right now.
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Permalink Reply by Tom on
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Well said. We are all doing the best we can like every other human being out there. And we don't need someone with a bad attitude to pull us down to their level.
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Hey, Sad1995.
Thank you for your opinion, it is raw I deal with that easily!
My 5 cents about your 3 points are:
1- About the physique, I agree it helps but most important because it helps ME in the first place to feel better about myself and it's a good for my health and for my mind.
2-About tattoo eyebrows I'm not so sure, the word fake is hard to digest for me! I will rather accept myself and work my confidence rather than live a lie my whole life.
3- About Xeljanz, I think it is not safe yet. I wish we all had a cure, but at the moment I don't feel its a good gamble to risk a possible severe disease like cancer or other secondary possible effects of Xeljanz just to get some facial hair! I would rather be hairless and have a good heart and liver if you know what I mean! I'm waiting for the results of the clinical trial of the CTP-543 with some hope!
Thank you again for your reply! Cheers mate
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Permalink Reply by Nicolas on
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is ctp-543 no Dangerous??? i'm afraid to use inibitors for a estethic patology
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Permalink Reply by paula on
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jorge....my heart goes out to you, but i sense a great spirit in you and i know you will prevail. when i was 28 and started losing my gorgeous thick hair, my then fiance said.....i don't love your hair, i love you. this was coming from a man who was a bit "into looks" but he said it, meant it, and i could not believe that. but it was true.
alopecia, as we all know, is so much more than losing hair. the sadness, fear, grieving....so many others do not know how deep our emotions run.
i have a friend who is bald...not from alopecia....but women are attracted to him because of his personality, love of life, respect for women, etc. and don't forget, men broke up with me long before i lost my hair....it happens to all of us. don't let alopecia step in your way. embrace it. accept it. what else can we do? a woman who loves YOU and not what you have or don't have, on your head., is out there. go conquer the world.....i see love in your future!
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You are right what else can I do, besides embrace it and change my attitude.
About your friend being bald, I do agree that some woman finds bald guys ok or even attractive the thing is not being bald I'm used to it, I like it, it's my trade mark! My problem always was the eyebrows cause people relate it to cancer patients and that's horrible.
I'm happy for you, that you actually find someone able to love you, love and affection are the best treatment for alopecia right now in the "market". Thank for your words. Kisses
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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on
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Dear Photolic,
I'm still reeling after reading Sad1995's comments. I think whoever it is needs serious psychological help. To suggest taking steroids or Xeljanz is really sick. There are horrible side effects to both and as a woman I'd much rather have a man who is kind and gentle and bald as opposed to a guy who is ripped but has a temper problem from taking steroids or who has ruined his health by taking a drug which will only grow hair until you stop taking the drug! CRAZY!! The answer to all physical differences, whether they be alopecia or any other issue is self-confidence. If you love yourself and project confidence then others will love you too. This isn't even arguable because I have known over 500 people in my 30 year career who have found love and married and had kids while having alopecia. The people they have married have been, in general, SUPER people who knew about the issue from the get go and who are not superficial shallow people. None of us want those types of people in our lives so if you get rejected by someone who is a shallow person, you wouldn't want them in your life anyway, so you are ahead of the game. You can decide to get eyebrows microbladed or not. It doesn't matter. Just be healthy, happy and real and you will attract the same type of women. Real women who are whole, happy and self-confident themselves WILL be attracted to you. There is NO doubt in my mind.
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You can save your worthless platitudes along with your worthless therap They mean nothing. Self confidence means nothing if a women thinks you are ugly. He says he goes out to bars and clubs and gets rejected. If he is confident enough to go out and approach women he is confident enough. His problem is that he is unattractive. Taking steroids to get an acceptional physique and xeljanz to grow back his hair will do far more for his dating life than your worthless platitudes.
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I know a woman in Australia with AU and she just married the HOTTEST fire fighter! She's very pretty AND confident and you are very good-looking so all you need is the CONFIDENCE part. Not sure how to get there other than to just go out and fake it till you make it, but women WILL respond. I'd be curious to know why your 5 year relationship broke up? There might be some insight there that you could look at and work on for the future. It wasn't your alopecia so what was it?
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Thank you, Debbi, for sharing! and thank you for the compliment you are too sweet :)
Deeply I know that Alopecia wasn't the reason for the break up my long term relationship it was a problem in the end cause I was using it as a shield and as an excuse for other things. Its so easy to blame alopecia for relationship failures cause AU its always in the corner waiting for you.
At some point, she even faced me with the bullshit alopecia talk saying: "Do you think I'm with you because I feel sorry for you? If I did not find you attractive why would I be 5 years with you?"
And I got disarmed, AU did have a role cause my self-esteem could be much better. But yeah not AU fault to be honest.
Thank for sharing, Xxx
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