Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Mary on July 13, 2013 at 6:31pm

Well said - I love your attitude! Yes, I go everywhere bald and have had so many similar experiences. The hardest part for me is that after finally becoming completely comfortable with my appearance, I'll be out shopping or something,not thinking at all about my bald head, then I get the question or comment and it's like a GIANT rubber band snapping me back to the reality of my "differentness".

Take a look at this blog I wrote almost 3 years ago: "Why I'll never again be upset when people assume I have cancer: Experiences as a bald woman in Indonesia"

http://www.alopeciaworld.com/profiles/blogs/why-ill-never-again-be-...

Someday, if enough of us go out in public bald, maybe we won't be such a rarity and attract these reactions. Until then, all we can do is hold our beautiful bald heads up.

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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on July 13, 2013 at 9:25pm

The bottom line is that humans are curious creatures. They are ALWAYS going to look at someone who is different - for whatever reason. If you expect that you can pass unnoticed when you go out without hair it is being totally unrealistic. When you explain to people that you are basically healthy and that your hair loss is not from chemo treatments, it is an opportunity to teach people about alopecia. If you don't want people to ask questions or wonder if you are well,then you need to reconsider. When I go to the gym, I don't wear hair. I used to wear a scarf, but the women there know about my alopecia and they have approached me and asked me to go without the scarf (they like my tattoos). I want people to question me as it gives me the chance to explain about AU and I can be a teacher (which I used to be). I do wear hair a lot of the time - not to hide my alopecia (which I am totally willing to talk about with pretty much anyone), but because life is busy, I have stuff to do, and it's just simpler sometimes to go around incognito but I love that a lot of you don't bother with it. You do have to accept the reality though, that people are going to be curious. It's just human nature and you can't get away from that. Hair can be a fashion accessory. That's how I look at it. I AM vain. I admit it. I love hair when I am in the mood for it. It's a free country and we can choose to go bald or not and it's nobody's business either way.

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Permalink Reply by Cinder B. Rand on July 16, 2013 at 2:22pm

Hi Debbi, it's been a while. I was pleased to see your reply to this as I completely agree. I do not think that most people are looking to be mean or intrusive to us...they are just curious about what might be going on. Although I do usually wear a piece at times now I do not. It is an excellent way of teaching people about alopecia as many many many people just do not know what it is OR they have someone that is in their family OR they know someone (who has no one to talk to about this). So...then we can turn them on to some of the sites, good pieces if they are so in need of one and the list goes on. All the best Peace!!! Cinder

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Permalink Reply by Andrea on July 13, 2013 at 7:06pm

Hehe this makes me giggle. After enduring wigs for 2 1/2 years I recently decided to go bald instead after a big (and i mean big) a-ha realisation moment that told me 'there is actually nothing wrong with me'. And so this is the source of my confidence and every day energy.

So my reaction to people who ask if I have cancer is either laugh and 'say no, no i have alopecia I'm fine, thanks for asking'. Or if they are being dramatic and borderline rude about it is 'no I don't have cancer, thanks goodness, do you?'

It's an education and curiosity thing that people have. I have accepted I will get looks, just like I would if I got a crazy hair cut.

At least once a week I get what I call a 'cancer smile' which is when people give me this sympathetic, kind of ignorant grin. I haven't sorted out a response to this one yet without feeling defensive. I'm sure something will come though.

Thanks for opening the thread and go you!

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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on July 14, 2013 at 8:46am

You can say, "I can tell that you think I'm not well, but actually, I'm just bald! I have alopecia. Do you know what that is?" I hate it when people feel bad for me when I'm healthy, so I put them out of their misery by telling them. They are usually relieved, because almost everyone has lost someone to cancer and it is a frightening thing. No need to feel defensive, just grab the bull by the horns and tell them.

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Permalink Reply by Rici* on July 14, 2013 at 2:38am

hej,
it is so interesting to read all these experiences, I can find myself in a lot of them, too.
Where I studied everyone knew I am bold, all my friends new why coz we talked about it. I lived there for four years and then I started a zine-project on hair loss. I printed posters and wrote mails with a call for submissions where I briefly explained alopecia and my idea. Attracted from my openness many of my friends, and people I oten met but never really talked to suddenly approached me and opened up with stories of them they wanted to talk about, stuff they never taled about with me before, may it be hair loss, cancer, chronical conditions of pain, rheuma, problems with their thyroids, burn out, study pressure, love problems...

I have always been lucky. I grew up in a supporting, loving family. When I lost my hair I lived in a social surrounding that very critically looked at falsely imposed norms and needs, people that tried to care for each other, that allowed individuality without making individuality the norm, that just didn't care how someone looks as long as that person is fine with it. That allowed to to start showing off my bald head only 3 months after I lost my hair. It always was of great importance for me to show everyone that bald people, especially wome nexist...
I studied Environmental Sciences and now I study Human Ecology. Both studies thought me a lot, made me strong and heavily influences my philosophical and political standpoint. This combination grew a s strong interest in the topic of future development, equity, fainess, communities of care, healing justice and similar issues.

So now that text already sounds as I am talking with a therapist/ social worker to get over my past ;) , but the point that I wand to make is that all these experiences somehow put me in a position where I feel the urge to say what I am thinking. I make this zine project because I want people to get ideas that differ from: "oh poor you lost your hair-will never be happy again- won't be a woman- but you can pretend to be a women and feel as if you're normal with this nice piece of standard nice-girl haircut wig...." ( I have nothing against wigs except heavy scepticisim towards their unsustainable production process - I love my wigs). So maybe I want to be a social worker.

Especially in this forum I got often suprised by the chats I had. Here as well people approach me because I am showing my bald head. I guess many of you share this experience with me. But that is what I like so much about alopeciaworld: I can support people that ask for support, and I also find support when I need it. (And of course I do need it sometimes)

And just as you said Maudy: every conversation I have gives me something as well and I learn a lot :)

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Permalink Reply by Brandy on July 14, 2013 at 5:59am

All of you are so brave. I have not found the courage or strength to go out in the world bald yet. I don't even like to be bald when I am home. I wear the gripper and have it in on all the time and I never get hot when I have this on. It's too bad people don't realize how hurtful they can be with their comments. Keep your head up and I always have to remind d myself too it could be worse.

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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on July 14, 2013 at 8:51am

Hi Brandy, I wear my vacuum when I go out mostly, but I also just wear a ball cap or a doo rag when I'm in the garden or hanging around the house. I've learned to be really happy with how I look with hair or without. Try to think of your hair as a fashion aid rather than a crutch. It's like adding a cute purse or a great pair of shoes to your outfit. If you accept yourself, others will too. Don't be a slave to it.

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Permalink Reply by Cindie on July 14, 2013 at 11:43am

I agree, Brandy. These ladies ARE brave. At my age (almost 60), I've not yet gotten the courage to do what they do, although I LOVE my shaved head......Life -- at least mine -- is stressful enough, and I maneuver through the world better by wearing "hair" when I am out in it.

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Permalink Reply by Simone on July 14, 2013 at 5:07pm

I recently just in the last month I suppose went completely bald myself. After wearing wigs an weaves I made the decision to just "go with it" as the extensions and camouflages were just as as taxing as the lack of hair. I too get the sympathetic looks and sometimes the mean spirited frown (due to their ignorance of course) as well as the what made you do it and when I respond I has Alopecia here it comes.... The childhood stories or the "my mothers friend has that too, you're brave to come out like that" *blankstare* I do prefer hair on my head no doubt but this is who I am that's it that's all. Stay encouraged : )

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Permalink Reply by Brandy on July 14, 2013 at 9:21pm

Hi Maudy,

Women with alopecia have tbree choices:

1) Wear nothing on your head. Boldly declare that bald is beautiful, and if anyone has a problem with you being bald, than the problem is that person's not yours.

2) Middle path - wear a head scarf, bandana, turbin, or other type of hat.

3) Wear a wig or hair piece.

Over a decade ago, I developed androgenic alopecia. The doctors told me that my hair would never come back and that I should get a hair piece. I found option 1) impossible because people would mistake me for a male, and the hostility from men thinking I was a feminine man and women calling the police when I tried to use a bathroom, was unbearable. So, I gave into society's prejudices and wore a hairpiece for over a decade.

I have recently discovered that option 2) head scarf / bandana / hat is just as effective at keeping me safe in the world. I get mistaken for a male less often when wearing a bandana than I did when wearing a hair piece. It's also much more comfortable and less financially traumatic.

So, I recommend getting a collection of bandanas that blend in with your clothes. Since I've switched to bandanas and hats, everyone now knows that I'm bald, I have not encountered any hostility, and I feel that I am being true to my ideals. I am no longer destroying my finances to create the illusion that I have hair.

Hope this helps.

Brandy

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Permalink Reply by Rici* on July 15, 2013 at 2:45am

Hej Brandy,

I agree with you, especially the point that whatever is on your had : try to think of it as a fashion, and you have all these choices on what to waer and how to wear it and you can mix them up depending on how you feel today, or just at the moment. Sometimes I start a day without anything on my had and go to class, later for the super market I fell like wearing a wig so I put it on, and when I can't concentrate in home office: maybe that wig that makes me feel like a secretary helps concentrating... the important thing is that you feel well with whatever is on your head. My very favorite always is either nothing or: a cozy double Beani for extra warmth :)

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