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Does it ever get easier?
I'm 22 years old, I've had all stages of alopecia since I was 9. I'm completely bald, no body hair, no eyelashes, eyebrows or anything. It's amazing that I'm still standing. I've wanted to give up many times. Growing up with alopecia was horrible. I didn't know how to make friends (still don't). I would go home everyday crying because I want to be normal. I still wake up & wish I could magically be normal. I've tried every treatment possible & I guess I wasn't meant to be normal. I'm in a serious relationship (talks of marriage & moving in) & I'm afraid. I've never allowed anyone to see me without something on my head. Does it ever get easier? I'm tired of worrying what other people think. I'm tired of stares, and questions. I used to want to be a teacher but now I'm afraid of the children asking me questions. Is there anyone who can help me through this? Suggestions?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Nicola on
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Hi Kelsey,
It definitely gets easier! When I was your age I had most of my hair but was balding on top and was combing it over. I was very self conscious about my appearance and my alopecia just grew gradually worse and worse. I came to realize that there is NO normal. That's just a theoretical concept our society throws around so we'll buy more crap like diet pills or cortizone injections or whatever. Now I'm 30 and I look back and realize how low my self esteem was and how much it's improved. I shave my head now and I love myself. Let go of what you think others want from you if you can and love yourself for who you are and the people who were meant to be friends in your life will see through the no hair to the person you are under that. And go be a teacher! Blessings.
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Permalink Reply by Gale Moorman on
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Yep it does get easier. Alopecia at 10 round spots off &on lost more hair. Went from the comb-over to bandana. Tomboy...college learned tennis, ran track etc. Played tennis in NYC courts. Met & married husband. 1st son alopecia no change. 2 yrs later twin sons. 2 mos after giving birth all jead hair fell out. Only told one twin son. Worked for a college. Laid off. Started apt cleaning service. Excuses about dust allergies why I wear scarf & cap, lol. Found alop support. Only know I have alop at meetings. Stop playing tennis but work NY tennis tourney in Flushing. Gets better. Kids grown. Gotta like what u do. That makes it much better!
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Permalink Reply by Mark S. Hansen on
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Hi. My name is Mark and I live in MIlw WI. Im 57, S, nevr married, and Iv had alopecia univseralis what u have, 4 over 40 yrs. I started losing all my hair in about 7th grade. Soon it was all gone. My parents bought me a wig when I was 15. and even though that was a good thing at the time, I ended up hiding under one for 35 yrs un til I finally took it off about 9 yrs ago. And I still never took the chances I should have to meet more people, especialy women because I always assumed that they would be turned off when I told them about my condition. To this day I have never had a girlfriend or relationship. Now I wear a baseball cap every where bec I am so used to having somnething on my head. But where being bald is one thing, having no eyebrows or eye lashes is tricky. U can't cover it up. I get double takes every day, to this day, on the bus, at places I've worked, because people think that I look strange or different. But they usually dont know why they think that until I tell them it's bec I have no eye brows or eye lashes. But there r two kinds of ignorance in the world, one is natural curiousty the other is where pep associate derogatory terms about you behind your back or disassociate with you because of the way you look, even though, in many circumstances they dont know why you look like you do, until you get the chance to tell them. In any case, sweetheart, there are no easy answers. All I can say is that, even though we cannot stop and explain to every one why we look the way we do, do tell people about you when you can, some times education and confrontation is the best ally. I think that if I would have done that I might be way better off, as in not all alone, than I am today.
Later,
With love and kindness, Mark
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Permalink Reply by The Victor Book on
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I'm 53 and started losing my hair in my early 20s. It finally got so embarrassing I got a wig 3 years ago. It is not one I can take on or off as I wish since it is sewn into a corn row of what little hair I have left. Even though I "look normal" on the outside, it still hurts a lot on the inside because I know what I "really" look like without it and how humiliated I would feel if anyone (including my husband) ever saw me without it so I understand completely what you are going thru. I thought I would feel more attractive once I got it and in a way I do because I know all people can see is the outside. A woman's hair is her "glory" and one of the hardest things to lose. There's no easy way to deal with this. One of the things I look forward to most when I get to heaven (besides being with Jesus, etc.) is not having to wear this wig!
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Permalink Reply by Brenna on
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Hey - just got to say as a bald woman who does NOT wear a wig and has an awesome bald life, your post is amazingly insensitive. I think its far easier to lose my hair than, say, my leg. or liver, or lung. . . all i have to deal with is my vanity.
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Permalink Reply by Vahishta on
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Yes it does get better. I got alopecia at 18 and was almost universalis in my 30s. I have no eyebrows and upper lashes in only 1 eye. I got eyebrows tatooed and eyeliner tatooed a few years ago. I wear a wig when I go out. All my friends and family know about my alopecia and have to honestly say that no one ever has made me feel bad. They have all been interested in the condition and have asked questions and that has been that. I have been married since I was 21 and have 2 daughters who probably dont even see a difference anymore when I have a wig on or not. I also have vitiligo which means lots of white spots on my skin. I try and hide that on my face with makeup but cannot really do anything about them on the rest of my body. I have been in the same job for the last 20 years. Here too a lot of people know about my alopecia - never been a problem. Its something that is a part of you. Will probably always be a part of you. It is not cancer and you are not sick. You just dont have hair. Better that than 90% of the other things in the world that you may have had but do not. Be happy in your relationship. Show the guy your scalp. After a few time he probably will not notice anything different. As with all things, its just a question of getting used to it. You will still be you - hair or no hair.
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Hi Kelsey,
I'm sorry you are feeling so badly, and having such a tough time. Has it always felt this awful? sounds like there have been some REALLY bad days and some REALLY good days too- no? You are in what you call a serious relationship & the two of you are talking marriage (how exciting!). Since you have no body hair at all (eyelashes, eyebrows etc.) he must know about your Alopecia,-yes? Have you talked to him about how you feel? Sometimes it is hard to keep in focus what truly matters, things like the inner core of who you are(your center) and to see beyond what society conditions us to believe. The fact that you want to teach and to be of service to other people is a beautiful thing and says volumes about you as a person, & it is also a really great way to gain perspective. Until you have that "moment of clarity" ( understanding in your heart of hearts that you are so much more/more valuable than your hair!!); until that time, continue to reach out/lean on those you trust (your boyfriend may teach you something about your worth beyond your hair!
Keep on exploring yourself, your talents and your goals and I PROMISE you, "yes, it definitely does get easier....promise" ;)Alyson
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Permalink Reply by Donna on
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Hi Kelsey, I don't normally post but your situation is so very similar to mine ... I have been AU since 8 years old and I'm now 41, mine has been a tough journey like yourself but what I have learned over the years is that it is not about things getting easier or people accepting you for who you are ... The biggest stumbling block in my life has been me and how I perceive myself! Once you learn to accept yourself for the lovely bald beautiful person that you are then things will get much easier. I have learned that other people actually don!t care that much about whether I have hair or not and the person it bothers way more than anyone else is me! Learn to love yourself and life will improve faster than you can imagine ... x
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It absolutely Gets easier! Of course like anything, there are bumps along the road. But, you have made leaps and bounds by reaching out to others that have Alopecia. I recommend that you look for a local support group, as well. This is a great way to build friendships. To be with like minded people is half the battle.
Have you ever played the "What's great about having alopecia?" I will start..let me know your answers....
1.) No Shaving or Waxing
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Hey Bald Girl!
I LOVE THAT GAME!I never knew what it meant to REALLY enjoy a shower until going bald!- UH, FEELS SO AMAZING!
;)
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You can do your hair the night before and then put your wig on as soon as you wake up!
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