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Does it ever get easier?
I'm 22 years old, I've had all stages of alopecia since I was 9. I'm completely bald, no body hair, no eyelashes, eyebrows or anything. It's amazing that I'm still standing. I've wanted to give up many times. Growing up with alopecia was horrible. I didn't know how to make friends (still don't). I would go home everyday crying because I want to be normal. I still wake up & wish I could magically be normal. I've tried every treatment possible & I guess I wasn't meant to be normal. I'm in a serious relationship (talks of marriage & moving in) & I'm afraid. I've never allowed anyone to see me without something on my head. Does it ever get easier? I'm tired of worrying what other people think. I'm tired of stares, and questions. I used to want to be a teacher but now I'm afraid of the children asking me questions. Is there anyone who can help me through this? Suggestions?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by MsLadyT80 on
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I used to work in an after school program. Most kids did not question me about my hair or lack there of. I wore a wig once and that's when I got the comments and name calling. I joked and said I used Miracle Gro and Chia Pet. Some thought it was funny/cute. Later, I had a kid tell me her mom called me 'the bald headed one'. That got under my skin. I wanted to know what prompted the mother to say that to or around her child about anyone she did not know.
In all, there is an ignorance about this condition. Unless someone they know is going through this, they do not know anything about it, nor do they want to educate themselves about it. My friends and family have embraced me and my alopecia. Everyone else, does not matter.
Tip: Do something to draw their eyes away from your head such as makeup and earrings.
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Permalink Reply by Laurie Rubin on
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Kelsey, what is being "normal"? You are not defined as a person by how much hair you have or whether you have eyelashes or eyebrows. You are defined by who you are inside - the person that you are. I totally understand how you feel, being so young and feeling so different from everyone else. But you have to understand you are special and unique and that you can be so very significant to this world in the things you do and accomplish in your life. Some people are born without legs or arms. Some are born blind and never see light or color. What you have been dealt with isn't always pleasant, but it shouldn't stop you from having friends or being in a happy marriage with children. I had hair until I reached my 50's and now most of it is gone due to genetics in my family. I have to wear wigs all the time and there are things I used to do that I'm not able to do comfortably anymore. I miss not having hair but it doesn't make me want to give up on myself or on life. Give yourself a chance. Don't compare yourself to others. Just go out and live life to the fullest. Be happy with yourself and who you are inside and you'll find that others will be drawn to you. You seem like a sweet person that has lots to give to this world. I wish you all the best.
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I understand because my alopecia started when I was 4 1/2 years old. By the time I was 10, I had no hair anywhere and it has stayed that way since. (I am 42 now) I was bullied horribly in school and continue to have anxiety and PTSD to this day.
That being said, therapy has helped a lot! I trust people more now, am able to make friends and have had decent relationships with guys. It does get better. I feel that I am raising my daughter to be a more compassionate person than many, and it never hurts to have more of that in the world. I work in a non-profit agency where differences are not only accepted but valued- imagine that!
I wish you the best in everything, and hope you are able to find the tools that will help you make a better life for yourself!
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Permalink Reply by Laura Gilbert Fichtner on
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I am so sorry that you struggle with this daily. My granddaughter who is 6 was diagnosed with Alopecia at 2 years old. I would just like to say it would be amazing for you to follow your dreams and become a teacher. The children would be curious and ask many many questions but just imagine the good you could do.
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Permalink Reply by Bonnie on
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I teach high school, but taught elementary school one summer. I was in the scarf stage of life. I didn't wear wigs, but covered up. The 1st graders wanted to know what was under my scarf. I let them have fun guessing and offered many silly possibilities. Then took it off. They all wanted to touch my head and asked questions. It was one of the most powerful teaching moments I have had. They always wanted me to take my scarf off when I came to their class. Their innocence helped me have the courage to take it off at my high school that fall, and I've been uncovered most of the time since. I love the power of children.
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The weirdest thing about this condition is that for something that's completely physical and cosmetic, the effects are almost exclusively mental. I've had AU for a while now as well and I will admit that taking the first step of acceptance is probably the hardest, and you have my sympathies!
To your question of does it ever get any better? Yes and No...the situation may not actually improve, and people's attitudes may never change but the only thing you can and should do is try your hardest to change your own attitude! It's way easier said than done and even after years of having it, like you, I still wake up sometimes from a dream where I had hair regrowth and fall into slumps...but those are rarer now. You just need to get to a point where your positive feelings outweigh the negative, and you're not consumed by negative feelings. Just remember that you can still do any of the things you wanted to do before and lead a COMPLETELY normal life with or without hair on your body.
Some things that definitely help are having supportive friends/family/significant others. I would most certainly share your feelings with those you trust. Personally, I had kept my secret for the longest time and all it did was build my anxiety even more and stress me out. Sharing it with a genuine well wisher can give you an immense sense of relief. Sure they may not be able to relate completely but it's better than nothing.
As to your specific questions around schools and kids in school, my personal advice would be to not say anything unless questioned specifically, in which case just let them know you have a condition. I really do feel like letting people know just takes a big load off your own shoulders. Sure some people are going to react in a weird way but you'll just have to ignore them. Even now when I walk around there will be random people on the street that say "hey you have weird eyebrows" but what are you going to do...you can't control the environment, only your reaction to that!
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Permalink Reply by Jessica Hoschouer on
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Hi my name is Jessica and I am 13 I have had alopecia for about 7 1/2, 8 years and I think that what others think doesn't matter only what you think matters you need to have self confidence so that when people stare you can just smile at them and go on with you life. I shaved my head two months before I started Jr. High this year and I am so glad I did so that if I do lose all of my hair they will pretty much already know what's going on.
With love and support,
Jessica Hoschouer
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Good on you Jessica! If I could have gone back in time to all those awkward years of patchy hairloss prior to losing it all, I definitely would have shaved it all off much sooner.
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I love your attitude Jessica. I bet most 13 year old girls don't hear that, too often. Ha! Ha! I lost all my hair, but I agree with Hairloss, I wish had shaved my patches of hair off sooner, too. You are beautiful.
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Permalink Reply by Marie on
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I'm sorry you are hurting. I have Alopecia Areata that developed right after my husband died 10 Years ago. If I can offer my two cents, I think you can totally love and accept yourself and your Alopecia without going bald in public. Its a choice. Just like being a widow, there is no rule book. I love my wigs, and I never would have tried one on if it wasn't for my bald spots. I'm not ashamed or hiding the fact that I have Alopecia, literally everyone knows. just prefer to wear wigs. . BTW, I've been with my lover for over 7 years, and except for photos, he's never seen me without hair. I suppose he will one day, but I'm not planning any sort of big revealing moment.
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Hi Marie,
I am a 2 year widow. My husband had cancer from 2008 to 2011 when he passed. I noticed my ffa started in 2010 and is still not letting up in 2013. I am happy that you have found a way to thrive with your alopecia and that you have found someone else. you give me hope and I think that trauma has something to do with my ffa.
Jen.
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Kelsey,
You have come to the right place. There are some beautiful and truly powerful answers to your question. We all are in the same boat. Some of us are still trying to find our life jacket, some are plunging their oars in the water and moving forward. No matter though, we all know exactly how difficult it is to feel different and want to be "normal". I think the best advice we can offer you are our own stories. It is in our lives that the comfort and peace come. It is in know we are not in the boat alone, especially when the waves are trashing the boat to shreds. I went from a covert operation of secrecy to buy my first wig to teaching high school, attending church, presenting in front of large groups and everything in between with nothing covering my baldness. I only cover out of choice now, or temperature control. Was it easy to get here? No way! Was it worth it? Absolutely. I started out small. Really small. I went to Kroger at midnight. Who grocery shops at midnight? My husband went with me and held my hand. I felt horrible and ashamed, but kept my head up and smiled. I avoided eye contact with everyone, because I didn't want to see their judging eyes. When we got to the car, I asked my husband if anyone had starred. He said, "No. They smiled like they were proud of you, though. Oh, one guy stocking shelves starred. He had a really bad comb over and after you walked past, he ran his fingers through his hair and took down his comb over. I think you gave him courage." I don't really know what went through that man's mind, but I went with it. I realized that if I could accept myself as I am, others might be able to do the same for themselves. Isn't that exactly what your future students need? Yes, I said future students. Don't let this interfere with the good you will do. You are amazing. People who love YOU will keep loving you. Believe in them. Let them know you trust them.
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