I'm on my fourth bout of hairloss in 8 years. I don't know how long it will be gone for this time, I have experienced everything from pretty immediate regrowth to 2 years of no regrowth and, although I have never lost everything, my hairloss is aggressive enough that it is easier to shave off what I have left because I just can't hide it. 

In the past I have coped pretty well and been complimented as such but this time I feel a bit vulnerable and insecure. I just want to go straight to hiding behind my wigs and though in the past I have swapped and changed my wigs around everyday and had fun with it, the thought has crossed my mind this time of just putting one wig on and just pretending that's my hair and nothing is wrong. I've never done that before as I felt it was stressful to hide the condition and people have been supportive. 

Today has been difficult because it was my first day at work wearing my wig again and new members of staff asked 'is that a wig?' because it was not anything like my natural hair, which had been short due to a recent regrowth. I know it wasn't because my wig looked 'wiggy' people are just aware when you work with them everyday and I've had the condition before but I still felt defensive and paranoid that general public would notice and stare. I've also had a nightmare trying to get my medical notes transferred back home as I've just finished uni and found out I can't be seen in time for my day off next week which puts everything for getting my annual nhs wigs back even longer. I know I already have wigs and my need is not great but I've already got my heart set on my new hair that I want. I don't have the money right now to treat myself to some new hair. 

I don't know if all this is because I am more sensitive about my appearance than I used to be. I have bi-polar and it has developed over the last few years. To cope with it I used Eating Disorder behaviours and lost a lot of weight and had to have outpatient treatment. I am now 'recovered' which basically means my weight is restored but I still feel very down about my body and still feel fat, especially with the recovery weight. Maybe this plus the alopecia is too much? Also my mom is suffering with her depression and my partner has just lost his nan so I don't feel, compared to their problems, that my hairloss should be an issue or that I am selfish and shallow to feel this way. 

Has anyone else felt like this? Like they should be expected to just cope? Putting on a brave face is my way of facing the world but I wish I felt I could be honest with my loved ones right now without feeling guilty. I tried to broach the subject with my mom in the car today but she didn't seem to notice that it was a big deal to me as she changed the conversation. Not nastily or anything but I think everyone's just used to me being fine with it. How can I get people to listen to how I'm feeling and how can I not feel guilt about it?