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Friend laughing
I finally got the courage to tell my best friend about my FFA and that I might end up losing all my hair. I was absolutely devastated..she started laughing uncontrollably about the possibility of me being bald. I feel so betrayed. I didn't tell her how that made me feel and I don't want to lose her friendship but I don't have any idea of how to handle this. Advice and hugs would be appreciated.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by stacy on
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Wow. Im not sure who would laugh at such a thing besides young kids and teenagers who are ignorant to life and struggles people face in the world. Laughing because someone is bald or might go bald is just sad. Not for you but for her. Its ok what goes around comes around and I do believe in that strongly. You really dont need friends like that there are so many people in the world I wouldn't deal with such a ignorant sad person. Tell her that you have been very scared and hurt with the idea of losing your hair. And you told her to try and find some comfort from her why you are going through this. And by her laughing at you for something that is causing you pain is no ok. I hope that she just didn't grasp your situation and will apologize. But she really doesn't sound like a great person to be around. Friends are easy to come by you dont need this person in your life. She might do this again in the future. She probably doesn't think much before she speaks. Going through something like this you will be sensitive for awhile and people like that will do things like this again. There are so many people that you can talk to that would never laugh at you. She really just sounds ignorant and maybe just needs to be educated a bit about your situation. I would let her know that she hurt you and if she does it again get a new friend :)
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Permalink Reply by Tim Irvine on
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At first, it may seem she is insensitive, but give her a minute to absorb. Consider how much of a shock it was to you when you first found out you had it. I had friends who laughed. In fact, the reactions varied over the years. Once I was explaining Alopecia to a friend who (like most people just thought I shaved my head) and in explaining, I was recalling the multiple treatments I had endured before calling it quits and accepting this was me. One of the more laughable treatments was this crazy stuff I have to apply to my head while wearing latex gloves and it could only stay on for a certain amount of time or it would stain my head. I left it on too long and it turned my head purple as a grape for a few days, which was way worse than simply having Alopecia. But in telling the story he stared at me, and when I finished he was silent and I said, did you understand what I said? His response was "I am trying to picture your head purple" We laughed for a long time together. The thing is, your friend might have laughed because to her, you are still you no matter what, and her response may not have been so much about what you told her, but rather the mere thought that what you told her could have deep reaching impact on your friendship. Give it a little time.
I actually used to hate it when people used to tell me to grow some thicker skin, so I won't say that. But I will say this. You are who you are. Unique and one of a kind. There is only one you and nobody can be better at it than you. So rock it!
I hope this helps some, Tim
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Permalink Reply by Pat on
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I believe friends don't really get the full import of what we tell them when we say we are going bald...they tend to think we are over exaggerating and that we may just thin out a little. Even though friends of mine know I'm bald, when I've revealed myself without my wig I can see they are truly flabbergasted. Friends also tend to minimize your feelings over losing hair thinking this is helpful and positive when in fact it is the opposite. Personally I wouldn't bother quizzing her about it, but that's just me, unless the subject comes up again. Friends/people don't realise the courage it takes to reveal our hairloss. Asking her advice on how she would handle it if it happened to her would be a starting point to open up the dialogue again.
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Permalink Reply by Ellyn on
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XOXOXOXOXO - People are very strange - just accept you friends deficiencies and know that is you that is perfect. In meantime - get out there and find some new friends as well.
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Hi Mary
That's not great and I know that you would have felt quite confused by her behaviour. There is such fabulous advise here I don't feel I can add to it. Just keep being you and understand that your friend made an error that you don't need to feel bad about. That is her stuff not yours.
Take care Mary
Rosy
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Permalink Reply by margaret watson on
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Talk to her - understand from her point of view that initially it was a shock to her and YES it is 'wackily funny' or surprising and therefore she may have reacted in this way - but as the enormity sinks in she will also be shocked and scared for you and realise she shouldn't have laughed.
Obviously she wasn't able to have that empathy for you at the time. A friend is someone you can tell how you feel and they will support you 100%. If not she's a shallow friend!
Margaret
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Permalink Reply by Liz on
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Did you ever see somebody walking down the street who tripped over a crack in the sidewalk? Some people might find that amusing or even funny. Why? I don't know but it makes me think of your friend and her laughter. One thing I know is, she wouldn't be laughing if it was her hair loss. She's not very supportive. People eventually show you who they are espescially in challenging times. The best advice I can offer you is to surround yourself with people who love you and will stand by and support you, no matter what.
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Permalink Reply by Sofia on
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I'm so sorry to hear this. When I began losing my hair for the first time at 17, I had had a bald spot the size of a half dollar. I voiced my concerns to my mom and she laughed at me. I don't think questioning your friend why she laughed would really get you anywhere. In my case it's because my mom didn't take me seriously. (Not only that, she is uneducated beyond age ~10 or so from Cambodia... very ignorant due to time of war.) I have tried to explain to her that AA is not from "not drinking enough water" but she didn't listen or care to understand. Approach your friend again later and ask her to look up alopecia, make sure she understands you're serious. If she can't try at least try to understand then she's not being a good friend. In my mom's case it was ignorance and lack of education. =(
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Permalink Reply by Mom of 5 on
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Hi,
I have not read all of your replies. I had a very similar incident happen & I am 44, my friend is 40. I was devastated! She has to shave a mustache and pretty much said, "whats worse being bald or having to shave?" I have since put her friendship in a different place in my heart. It was certainly devastating. She was not the friend I thought she was. I am a Christian and through much prayer have forgiven her, but understand what people think of me does not matter to me. Though I struggle daily with fighting it, I know who my TRUE friends are. Through this have learned what a huge blessing my husband is! His shoulder has held buckets of my tears.
I pray that your heart is healed and God provides you with a wonderful friend!
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Sending lots of hugs, im new here and still learning, my 11 yr old daughter was just diagnosed with alopecia. Her hair loss started last school year, this year she is bald
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It takes a lot of courage to say - she may have been uncomfortable with the news and didn't know how to handle it. She may feel really bad about HER reaction.
Virtual hug!
Good luck. X
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Permalink Reply by Elaine on
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Let me start my saying that to this very day when I get the worst possible news I tend to smile first! I think I'm so nervous or in shock that's my stupid reaction. However once I take a couple of seconds and gather my thoughts I'm completely serious about whatever the situation is. With that being said your friend was very insensitive and really should've apologized for laughing and been your shoulder in this difficult moment. I remember when I was younger and I finally told my best friend I had alopecia, she was a great listener and the next day I found out she had told half the school we were attending. Unfortunately some people don't know how to be a friend...especially when it matters the most. Just know you're not alone and keep your head up!! (((Hugs))
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