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Friend laughing
I finally got the courage to tell my best friend about my FFA and that I might end up losing all my hair. I was absolutely devastated..she started laughing uncontrollably about the possibility of me being bald. I feel so betrayed. I didn't tell her how that made me feel and I don't want to lose her friendship but I don't have any idea of how to handle this. Advice and hugs would be appreciated.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by hazelswarbrick on
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My sister is my best friend and when I first. Started to lose my hair, her first reaction was to laugh, this wasn't because she thought it was funny or that she was being Awful it was because she didn't know what words to use. It is sometimes a nervous laugh because it's hard for them to know what to say because they haven't a clue what your feeling or going through! And sometimes I find it easier to laugh about it with my sister and closest friends because I Know they are not laughing at me but making light of a otherwise depressing situation xxxxxx.
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Permalink Reply by Swede on
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Hello,
I must say I actually feel hurt on your behalf. If someone started to laugh like that, I would avoid that person if I could.
Yes, some people reacts with a laughter when it isn't really what should happen BUT the thing is she never came back to you and said she was sorry or so, did she?
She doesn't enrich your life so....
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Permalink Reply by purplemainst on
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Sorry for this painful experience. I don't think she meant it. People don't know how to react. For yourself, let her know it was not the reaction you were expecting. Then take it from there. I am afraid to speak to my best friend too. I know she tried to make me confront my hair loss and I was not having any of it. And now I am finally here trying to face and realizing I made my own situation MUCH worse by denying it was happening. I am really uptight trying to accept my HUGE mistake.
So, maybe your friend realized her mistake too, so give her a chance to apologize.
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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on
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Don't jump to conclusions yet. Some people cover their discomfort by laughing. She may not have known what to say or how to respond so she laughed. She may also not realize how serious it is or not really believed it would happen. Go back to her and tell her that her laughter hurt you. If she does not 'get it' then, she should NOT be your BFF. Some people are just too self-centered to be empathetic. If that is the case, find a NEW BFF.
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Permalink Reply by Pam D. on
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I have spoken to many people about my AA (I am very open about it). A woman in Wendy's asked why I was wearing a hat, a woman at the gym ask if I had cancer, a woman at a riding event ask if I was a cancer survivor, etc., and I have spoken to all my friends about it. Never, ever, has the reaction been laughter; not from a friend, not from a stranger. How I'd handle depends on how I felt about the friend. If I wanted to continue the friendship, I would talk to her, tell her my feelings were hurt and hoped she would apologize. If she did, and was sincere, I would forgive her and consider it an awkward moment. If she was not sincere, or didn't apologize, I would find another friend.
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Permalink Reply by Alanna on
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I would suggest you confront her directly and let her see how much pain you you feel, from her reaction. If she is your friend, she will work hard to make sure you know that she loves and supports you. If she is unapologetic and unsupportive, then she may be a toxic relationship for you. If you have more questions, you can find find me at www.boldlyme.org
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When these types of things happen to us we look to the ones we love for support. Unfortunately that's when we find out who really loves us. She doesn't understand how it's affecting you or how devastating this can be. She's either very naive or very selfish...if it's the later, you don't need friends like that. When she sees the outcome on you she won't be laughing anymore if she's a decent friend...there will b a day when you'll look in the mirror and say "oh we'll, it is what it is" and put your wig on ( if u need one) and go out and not even think twice about it..I promise it will get better..and talk to people here who can relate to you...she can't relate to what is happening, the feelings etc..
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Permalink Reply by Mary on
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Thanks to everyone who has responded to my post. I really value the shared wisdom and the support. Your words have given me a lot to ponder and the suggestions for ways to think about this are greatly appreciated.
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Hope you feel better from responses you have received - my hair fell out after a 20yr marriage & husband did the "dirty" on me
Have survived!
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Permalink Reply by Karen W on
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As far as female friends most women are competitive. Has this woman shown signs of envy and competition before? If so drop her. Check your childhood. If your mom was competitive as you grew into a sexy teen, you will pick women just like her. I may be projecting from my own experience. I no longer trust female friends 100% with anything having to do with men or looks unless they have a proven track record of being supportive.
To deal with being bald I wear wigs. I lost 1/2 my hair and shave the rest. My wigs cause a stir of envy. I am open because it makes me feel better to be that way. I always wore weaves so it was not big deal. They look better than my real hair even before I had scarring alopecia. I dress up lot anyway and people accuse me of trying to look glam. I was glam before! Just get some nice custom wigs in virgin hair and silk mesh in the front mono in the back with straps. I use kevin yan only for virgin hair though! Wear them for fun and get used to being a diva. I actually look good bald and wear a bald head around the house and in private with men I date. Its not a big deal. Transform yourself. Hair is not who you are!
Peace and love!
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Agree - so used to my wig - which I call my "HAT", would feel difficult to manage real hair now. Has become just part of routine.
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