It's been a while, but a couple of people have asked me why I "don't just go that way?" They think I would look really cool with just a bald head.
It's fine for them to have an opinion but not to force their opinions on me.
I feel like they're trivializing this handicap and they're shortsighted.
In one case, someone had no concern for the fact that I was humiliated out in public.
In another case, someone got animated with me and acted as if I had no right to be self-conscious. "Okay then, be self-conscious!" With anyone who is this stubborn, I just tell them that going around with a bald head exposed does not appeal to my taste. To me, it's no different from any other piece of missing clothing. When I have any strong feelings, I honor them and try not to suppress them since suppressing my feelings is one of my flaws.
Going around with no head cover actually does detract from my appearance and I think I would have a right to my opinion and should not put anyone on such a high pedestal that they can make rules about how I dress and how I feel about my clothes.
I think anyone who chooses to go around with a bald head would have to have such a perfect face and body that no one could ever find fault with them. With this said, it would not be the right thing for just anyone and for this reason, I have not worn a bikini since I would very young since they do not look good on me and neither would going around with a bald head.
Any time someone advises me about my choice of clothing, I expect some humility and especially when they have never lost their hair.
Your post resonates with me so much. I was approached at my job by a beautiful bald woman in her 20's. She asked me if I was wearing a wig and proudly admitted she knew I was because she was familiar with wigs. At the time I was wearing a $3,500 human hair wig so I thought maybe I was fooling people. She burst my confidence even though her intent was to do the opposite. I shared with her that I had alopecia universalis and she was excited to meet a fellow, "bald sister". She had alopecia totalis and still had her eyelashes and eyebrows. She had gorgeous light brown skin, fine features and wore a flower behind her ear. She was young and stunning. She couldn't keep her voice down. I told her I haven't shared it with my colleagues and yet she thought it was time for me to open up and spoke loudly in the reception area. She told me to be proud and insisted I go bald. I told her I would never do that, didn't have the head for it and even though I complimented her on her appearance, she showed no empathy or concern for my privacy. I can chalk it up to karma...I once tried to encourage my sister to not be embarrassed about her body while I unconsciously got undressed at the gym. At the time I was in good form and had all my hair. My sister changed in private and I thought I was helping her by telling her to not care what others thought. It's easy not to care when you're beautiful. Nobody has the right to tell someone to expose their bodies or their heads, I just wish I didn't have to learn the lesson the hard way!
I'm sorry that someone made a spectacle of you in public.
I always told my co-workers about my disease because I always knew about the possibility of them finding out in a way that might be humiliating.
I gossiped with them about where I was going to buy a prosthesis and they took an interest in this. They would say "How was your trip?" They would ask me questions about my choice of a head cover. They would compliment me on the ones they liked.
I've been using fall wigs and every time I got a new one, I take off the hot suffocating fabric on they came with and sewed my own fabric on that's more light weight.
I have been amazed at how few people know this is a hair piece. You might want to check into it.
I also have bought prosthetic wigs and the most anyone every said is, "did you tint your hair?" I had two prosthetic wigs and used them both.
I remember one woman that when I first met her, I answered the door with my head uncovered. She was an artist. She reacted by saying, "you have such a beautiful head, would you let me do a sketch?" I didn't want her to and she respected this.
Thanks, that's great that you share your truth with your co-workers. I'm sure there's a level of freedom with that and I do have that with family and close friends. The thing with me is, my way of coping is to live in a state of denial to a certain extent so I really can't be public or it would be too real for me. Also, I imagine that if I share that I'm bald, people will automatically imagine me bald and I would be thinking that they were thinking of me without my hair. I guess to counteract that I could imagine them naked but that wouldn't work for me. I have no interest in seeing most people naked. I have found a good wig place called, The Wig Gallery, in Newport Beach that has good synthetic wigs that are easy to care for and I believe fool people. When someone compliments me on my color and asks me who does it, I'll share the information if the person's hair is not that great or thinning and they could use a wig. Otherwise I say, I do it and thank them. When I tell them it's a wig, they say, "oh I never would have known". It's the best compliment I could receive. There are many days that I actually fool myself!