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How do I accept my hair loss as ALL MY FAULT?
I am coming to terms that I did not address my hair loss and now it's too late to do anything but wear a wig. I ignored my health care and am obese. I tried dieting but always yoyo up and down. Didn't get regular physicals and now I ruined my life. In the last 2 years, lost so much of my hair (and so much more in the last 12 months) I couldn't see it, face it and now I am wearing a full wig. THIS IS ALL MY FAULT, no one to blame but me. How am I going to live with myself? Could I have prevented my hair loss? Or would I ended up balding anyway, just a few years later then now? I am so ashamed of myself and wonder how am I going to accept that I did this to myself. Why did I not love myself enough to address my baldness?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by ShinySpot on
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Honestly took me 6 years to become more accepting of myself. I went through a lot :( I met a wonderful woman on Facebook and she has helped me take baby steps into acceptance of who I am. It won't be easy, but it can become easier if you learn to accept it. All I've ever worn is hats and am working my way to not wear it all the time in front of those I don't know, but it's the baby steps I have to take, like taking the garbage out to the curb at night, taking off in the car, putting the laundry on the clothes line and putting out the garbage/recycle/compost in the bins.
Healthier doesn't mean marathon runny, skinny, just means eating right and healthy and taking care of your body. I went gluten free and junk food free, aside from the odd craving, and noticed a tiny bit of hair growth. One less thing for my body to process is crap food. I just want to be as healthy as possible as my body was so deprived of these nutrients for many years and now rebuilding my health. Will it help cure my Alopecia, who knows...but I want to live long for my children, so I will try anything to better my health.
One step at a time Purplemainst, you are the only one who can make any changes to your life and the way you feel and honestly once you accept it, you will feel so much better.
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Permalink Reply by purplemainst on
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I admire you sooo much. I don't want to wear a wig, I want to be free, but that is SOOOO scary. Really,other then this hair loss thing, I am pretty ok healt hwise. Yes, it can always be better, but it can be a lot worse too. I am human and up until now accepted all my goods and bads, but this hair thing is so public. Can't put it away and deal with it in small steps, its an all of nothing type deal. I am getting through this day because of of you. I am going forward, just not in total control of that and I know patience have never been my strong suit. Already worried on how to deal with tomorrow.
XOXO
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I so know how you feel hun!! It's such a great community here, really wish they had this when I first started losing my hair back in 2005. Honestly my first time going bald outside was on International Alopecia Day, made me feel so proud, showed my picture all over my Facebook account. Then I was really put to the test when we had family pictures with my ex's family and they had hired a professional photographer to take outdoor pictures and I really wanted to go bald with my two kids...we took a family pic together and I kept my hat on for that, wasn't quite ready, so by the time I took the picture with my kids I had been stewing over it the entire time I finally decided to go without and I absolutely loved the turn out!!! (My current profile picture) I was so proud of myself. You will feel so much better, but I still worry about what people think, those who don't know me, that's my obstacle right now and it's soo petty because WHO cares what others think of me???!!! Ugh I just wish I didn't have that stewing at me...but I will do it one day, oh I will :)
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Hello, I too have not commented on many questions. I feel that you have a definite need to seek help concerning your self esteem. How old are you? Have you always been depressed? I came from a family that always had a black cloud over their head. Unfortunately I married a man who does the same thing. Everyone & everything is out to get him. Troubles only come to him, his troubles are the worst in the world-on and on. I finally had to stop him in his rants and say, look at the sun, feel the heat, isn't it wonderful. Feel the rain, watch the wonderful wind blow through the trees. In other words I found it necessary to make him stop and see the positive things all around him. I had to point out the other people had things happen to them too. And really, he has been very fortunate, he needs to stop going on about all the bad things and focus on the good things life has given him. Perhaps you could make a list of the good things that happen everyday. Don't forget the wonders around you, let them lift your spirits. Good Luck & God Bless you.
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Donna,
I have never been a depressed person. I lived a full life, with ups and downs, overcame challenges just like everyone else. My self esteem was normal, until now.
I know I need help and that is what I am trying to find. The blessings are there, I know. But I need to feel this horrible now or I am never going to feel ok again. I am seeking a new normal and as I said, so far, nothing I have tried has taken me closer to my new normal.
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ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! !!! Our immune system is messed up. The Tcells and antogens don't function right. Yes you have some control over your weight. But I. An tell you I was killing myself eating all these whole grain foods tthinking I was eating healthy.Well I was killing myself. After suffering for years with a bad stomach I foundout my body dosnot digest it. I lost about 30 lbs whenI stopped eating it. And all our problems start in our gut.If you wwant to get in bettter shape I would say Weight watchers on line.It helped my family members wand your not starving yourself youreating healthy good food. At 55 I m over. Caring what other people are doing. I go bald and I love it. I just give a huge smile and if they Ask educate Them! BALD AND BOLD BLESSINGS TO. YOU YOU CAN BE ANYONE YOU WANT!
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Permalink Reply by Mary Anne on
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Hi! I put off a lot of things - getting regular check ups, going to dentist when I should, investing my money, etc. Part of it is the depression and anxiety I have been battling since 2009, but a lot of it is my own procrastination. I see a psychiatrist regularly and stay current with my meds. That helps a TON. There are a lot of things everyone wishes they could be and place a lot of blame on themselves when they aren't. If you want to improve something about yourself, do it! Sounds so easy, eh? :-) Human beings are not perfect. Even those that seem perfect on TV or Facebook. Everytime you think about something negative about yourself, stop yourself and think of something positive. Focus on that.
I have been battling AA for 15 years, and it has become very aggressive recently. I joined an Alopecia support group and I can honestly say it has made me feel better than I have in years. I also made the call to a salon specializing in women's hair loss (for wigs, pieces, etc). This website is also a great resource as well. If you have an opportunity to join a support group, make that an immediate priority. If there are none in your area, find a counselor you can talk to, or a Pastor or Priest, etc. Talking about your issues is liberating. Also, you are about as much to blame for your alopecia as a Dalmation is to blame for having spots. It is something you cannot control. Maybe you will find something that helps your hair regrow. Maybe it will regrow all on it's own. Maybe it will all fall out and you learn to be Bald and Beautiful! Autoimmune diseases suck because there is no standard cause or cure. Focus on what you can control - how you react to what life hands you. Let go of what you cannot control.
Remember - focus on what you like about yourself. Breathe and ease up on yourself. Life is hard enough - no need to make it harder by adding pressure and blame to yourself.
Good luck, honey :-)
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Permalink Reply by Cindie on
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I wish you ALL THE BEST in your recovery process Mary Anne! Peace and Blessings be unto you.
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Permalink Reply by pammyann on
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Why do you think you did it to yourself? OK you may not have treated your body very well, but that is not the cause of alopecia areata. Even stress is only a trigger not the cause. It is an auto-immune disease. i have stayed fit and healthy all my life, yet at 49 all my hair fell out. That is the nature of disease - the cause is unknown. Do not blame yourself.
I know that having no hair by nature can make us feel shamed, that is why they did it to holocaust and other prisoner victims to humiliate them. And it feels like that.
There is probably nothing you could do to prevent it happening. It is the most horrible thing to happen especially to a woman and that is why you are feeling so bad.
Have a look at the alopeciaonline.org.uk website. There's lots of tips about coping and reading other people's experiences is helpful too. But do not blame yourself. unless you literally pulled your hair out which I doubt.
I am wearing a wig/hats/scarves. Get some psychological support if you can, it helped me and so did God. Well done for sharing.
See my video "how long is this road" on the video page. Hope it helps
love Pammy
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Hi please do not blame yourself for the loss of your hair. My daughter is going through the same thing rite now at age 11 .I don't know what to do she is not going to school and refuses to wear a wig. Any advice will be helpful. This all happened so fast over the sommer.
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Permalink Reply by Honey Brown Sugar on
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Please stop blaming yourself. I know you may be depressed or feeling bad, but you have sooooo much more to be thankful for. The fact that you have internet access and are even able to correspond in this forum is a Blessing. Many have lost their hair due to cancer,lupus etc... There is still hope for you, You can still take care of yourself and your health. Their are great people here to give you loads of support. I too have dieted and failed, but I am still trying. I will Never give up trying to be healthy and neither should you. Re-focus your thoughts on what you can do to move forward to a healthy future and a better lifestyle. If you need help focusing or a friend to chat with feel free to inbox me. You have a lifetime ahead of you let's make it a good one.
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Thanks, I will do the research. I am having a difficult time with this. I don't mean to be ungrateful for the blessings I do have, because I am not. Just praying for my own acceptance of this dreadful situation. Really having a tough time. As I said, I will do my best to stop blaming myself. It's no different then any other medical issue. Hanging on folks,
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