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How to accept being ugly
This is going to sound majorly harsh, but hear me out.
I feel like the "bald is beautiful" is a lie we tell ourselves and others just to feel better. I don't think bald is beautiful. I think some can be beautiful IN SPITE of being bald, but it will always detract from their appearance. I don't want to pamper myself and say that if I take a bubble bath and get new clothes and work on the rest of my appearance and "do things to make myself feel pretty" I'll feel attractive, because guess what, I'm not, and I won't try to fool myself into thinking I am. I'm sorry, I realize how insulting to everyone this sounds, but looks DO weigh more than personality in the world. Unfair and sucky, but it's true and we all know it. Jobs, dating, personal worth largely hinges on social perception of ourselves. I can't look a certain way and I can't fool myself into feeling a certain way and so normally I focus on other things, but I'm still never really ok. I go through life knowing that disgust is power, and so no one will mess with me because in a way, walking around with a half smooth half shaved head makes me look tough. But still, I know I am still not ok with my ugliness.
There must be a way to peace without lying to myself. Question is, how can I come to terms and accept that I am ugly? Any thoughts?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Mindy on
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It makes me very sad that you feel this way. Are you newly diagnosed? I am so far away from feeling bad about myself that I sometimes forget that struggle. I do remember very much the same feelings as a teen. I probably have not felt that way in twenty plus years though.
Hair does not make the person. We are conditioned in our society to believe that long , flowing locks of hair equal beautiful. It is a hard mindset to get out of. There are real and genuine people in this world that will accept you for YOU- hair or no hair. If those aren't the type of people in your life, remove them from your life. I think support forums like these and in person support groups can really change the way you see yourself and your condition. I hope you have one nearby. You might need one meeting or maybe years of meetings. I know it helped me tremendously as a teen to see that there were people like me that had careers and kids and spouses. At the time I thought none of that was a possibility for me. Counseling might help as well.
Hang in there. It isn't an easy road, but it really does get better. Really!
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Permalink Reply by cara2day on
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I am bald and I am beautiful, I was diagnosed when I was 2 so I have grew up without hair, can you imagine if your child had this? Would you think she was ugly? Would you tell you little girl she was ugly? No because she'd be beautiful with or without hair, I guess I've never really experienced the struggle as I've had it all my life, my hair grows back and I shave it off, because I love the way I look with no hair. I have missed out on so many job opertunities having no hair, one employee even told me that's why I never got the job!! But truth is I wouldn't change having alopecia for the world. I don't think you need to accept your ugly I think you need to start seeing the things you like. Even people with hair all have something they think is ugly about themselves, their nose, teeth, stomach... People who have hair wish theirs was different, straight, curly, shiny. This feeling will pass as your confidence without hair builds, good luck on your journey xx
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Permalink Reply by Pam D. on
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I don't like the word "ugly"; to me, it someone rotten, inside and out, or maybe just inside, because if someone is a nice person on the inside, they can never be truly ugly, no matter what they look like.
AA/AU is a nasty blow to anyone, but I think how you deal with it can make the difference in how people treat/see you. Your post drips with negativity, which makes me very sad. No, it is hard to put a happy face on this condition, but that's what I do because nobody wants to be around negative energy. You may not be "ugly" at all, maybe that's just how you see yourself and it comes across when you are around others. But, I can't change how you feel; nobody can. Only you have that power; I'm confident you can find it.
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Permalink Reply by justlovely16 on
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Hi, I am newly diagnosed, I actually thought my hair was growing back and it really isn't. I hope and pray I don't have to cut my hair. I will cross that bridge when I have to. All of the pictures of the women on this site with bald heads are beautiful. Confidence is beautiful! That is what I see. I only hope that I can be so confident to show my beautiful self if I have to cut all of my hair off.
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Permalink Reply by Football fan on
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Agree with pippinsgirl can't even look in the mirror without a wig.Just got back from Vegas and no way would I have walked around without my hair plus being 110 degrees out it wasn't very comfortable.Do I want my hair back yes I do bald does not look beautiful on me and I can't pretend it does. We all are intitled to our own feelings dont put people down and tell them how they should feel.
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I agree, we are entitled to our own feelings.
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Hi justlovely
I read your post and can relate to you. I've had AU for 10 years and I'm trying to meet new friends.
I hope you're ok
Nubes
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Wow, me too. I was in Vegas in July of 2016. Did a lot of walking around and wouldn't dare be without my hair! People judge us by appearances. I really look sickly without my hair. I know I do. I can't stand the way I look without hair. And I've noticed that my boyfriend really hates it too. He tries to look away when my wig is off. It sucks; and I wish I wasn't cursed with this cruel disease. It has completely altered my personality and my entire life has changed! I am in Northern NJ, and I don't know anyone who has this disease. I wish I had peer support from real live people nearby. Maybe we could share info or friendship...
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Permalink Reply by Pamela Rosse on
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Justlovely, I wanted to thank & complement you on your narrative.
I so loved "confidence is beautiful" so very true, there is nothing more lovely or handsome as a confident women or man, especially when it's an Alopecian sister or brother.
Should the time come that you join those of us who are bald, I have a feeling my Alopecian sister that you be pretty & hold your head high as a beautiful alopcian woman.
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Hello my name is Talesha. I have alopecia. I've had since 2004. I've bern wearing wigs for a while. God gave me the courage to walk outside for the first time this year. I.was very scared, I feel ugly, people look at me laughing, staring, pointing, whispering. I miss my hair I know it's not growing back. Men look at me funny, women play with their hair. I look in the mirror and even when I don't think so, I tell my self I'm beautiful in God's eyes. I'm single because I'm bald. Men stand away from me. I get men to tell me I'm beautiful, but I know I'm not beautiful enough to be a wife to one of them, and that's the way some if them treat me. Do I feel ugly yes I do. I still walk with a smile even though on the inside I feel ugly. God loves ne unconditionally but man doesn't. The love in conditions and looks. So naybe I will never know what it feels like to be loved and accepted by a real man of God. But God loves me. My sons love me, I love me. When I see couples on the marta rail as I go to work or any other place. I sit away from them, I move to another seat or another cart cuz I know I will never know what that feels like. I get more compliments from gay women than I do ftom straight men. I'm in no wise gay, I like men. But I know I will never know what real love from one feels like. So I just live my life being single my heart is hardened towards men because of how they have treated me. It's not that I don't desire my Boaz I just don't know if I will ever have one in my life
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