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How to accept being ugly
This is going to sound majorly harsh, but hear me out.
I feel like the "bald is beautiful" is a lie we tell ourselves and others just to feel better. I don't think bald is beautiful. I think some can be beautiful IN SPITE of being bald, but it will always detract from their appearance. I don't want to pamper myself and say that if I take a bubble bath and get new clothes and work on the rest of my appearance and "do things to make myself feel pretty" I'll feel attractive, because guess what, I'm not, and I won't try to fool myself into thinking I am. I'm sorry, I realize how insulting to everyone this sounds, but looks DO weigh more than personality in the world. Unfair and sucky, but it's true and we all know it. Jobs, dating, personal worth largely hinges on social perception of ourselves. I can't look a certain way and I can't fool myself into feeling a certain way and so normally I focus on other things, but I'm still never really ok. I go through life knowing that disgust is power, and so no one will mess with me because in a way, walking around with a half smooth half shaved head makes me look tough. But still, I know I am still not ok with my ugliness.
There must be a way to peace without lying to myself. Question is, how can I come to terms and accept that I am ugly? Any thoughts?
-PG
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by dreamscometrue on
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Maybe not but they can do something about it. It's not about comparing apples and oranges. There's no cure for AA or AU. The end. So what do we do?? Cry about it?? Stop living?? Or be bold and live life in spite of?? It's a choice!! We all have a choice to either stay sad all day about it or choose to live the best life we can. So many Debbie and Doggy downers here wanna help people stay stuck and feel sorry for themselves when you should be offering support in the form of get your happy back, get on with life, don't look back and move forward being the best you bc the alternative is depression. You gotta fight with all you've got bc it's all you got! If you continue to let hair define who you are, then you're missing out on way too much in life. Sorry for being negative
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Permalink Reply by C on
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Maybe not what.. Not be convinced that breast are beautiful on a man? At least we agree on that. What can be done about it I don't know also don't know how easy or difficult doing something about it would be. So what would you do, tell him to cheer up and give directions to the nearest man bra shop? I wasnt talking about fruit I was talking about feelings. Men have them too. They also have certain features about their bodies that defines them being 'manly' and breast are not one of those.
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While it may not be OK to define ourselves by certain features, being the complex humans we are this is what we do more often than not when it comes to physical appearance. As for apples and oranges I prefer my fruit hairless not my head. If you can't relate to the opinions that fine and if you have found your coping mechanisms that's wonderful but pounding and preaching 'don't worry be happy ' won't have much of an affect if you make people feel bad for feeling bad. Like telling someone they are looking for pity if they don't agree with you. That's not we are here
We should vent, share, confide,comsole, express, guide, suggest, etc, not insult analyze and judge to get a point across. JIMHO
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Permalink Reply by Cissie55 on
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Good for you! I don't think anyone is seeking pity!!! It's called, sharing your feelings with others that can maybe brighten someone's day that is maybe not having such a good day! Look up the word, "Compassion" ......
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My last post was for dreamscometrue! Also, what are you dreaming about that you hope comes true??? Your hair?
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There's a huge difference between compassion and cognitive dissonance. Look that up! Dreaming? About one day people with AA and AU can accept that having no hair is not the end of the world. It's just hair. Things could be worse. Why worry about the things you can't change when you can make the best of it and live in the now?? How's that for positivity? Try it sometime. Maybe you should start dreaming too :) it's not a bad thing. I feel great. Hope you do too. May be I can give you some tips so you can stop worrying about not having your long luxurious hair back. Well, actually you can, you can buy a nice wig, wear some makeup and put the best you you can forward. Life is too short. You can live again and be happy in spite of.
I think of wounded soldiers whose arms or legs get blown off, yet still trek forward. Or a handicapped child who may have been born without limbs. If they can forge ahead in the worst of circumstances, who the hell am I to sit here and bitch about vanity and I can still walk and I have arms??
All I'm saying is put it in perspective. Compassion is good but at some point you have to move ahead and not stay stuck in self pity over hair. It doesn't serve you or anyone any good to stay stuck in something you can't change.
Put your best self forward and do whatever it is you need to do and don't wallow in it. Again, life is way to short, and many people in society are not as shallow as you think. Focus on the ones who help you move forward not the ones who help you stay stuck in pity
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I do wear make up, have several fabulous wigs & keep up with all the latest fashion! At 60 years old I feel fabulous! All I was saying is that it does take time for people like me to adjust. I haven't had this for thirty years..... Only three.
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Mine started back in HS in 1977. After my sister wanted to give me a perm for my 15th bday. I went to rinse my hair and the whole right side of hair down the drain. It grew back but all over my head for the next 7 yrs I had huge coin bald spots. I met a guy at 19 who didn't care I was losing my hair. One day he was invited to a wedding and asked me to go with him. I felt extremely self conscious bc he's a very good looking guy. Calvin Klein model type looking guy but not the model attitude or vanity. He told me to get it together bc he wants me to go with him. He bought me a dress, a very expensive Peggy knight wig, took me to a makeup artist and off we went. I had a great time! After the wedding we spent the weekend in Atlantic City, rented a Lincoln Continental and lived like 2 imaginary rich kids for a weekend :) that guy went on to become the father of my kids. He asked me to marry him 4 times each time buying me a beautiful ring. After our first child, gradually all my hair came out, then the eyelashes, then the brows. The vajayjay and legs were just a bonus lol. But if it wasn't for him just treating me like a person, just like anyone else, I'd be stuck. I never married him but we are very good friends to this day. Instead I married a narcissist asshole(which is why I'm familiar with the signs)but even after baby daddy, every guy I dated never noticed I had no hair,most were pleased for other reason. Most gave me compliments bc the way I wear it looks so real. They say they see women with wigs and weaves that look obvious and horrible.
Now I'm 52, I'm divorced from the narc, and dating a guy 20 yrs younger than me whom I love very much. He's a very mature 32 yr old wise beyond his yrs. he too never noticed.
My point really is that yes as I do understand initially it's hard, and my story showed me from a guy who didn't put emphasis on it, told me he loved ME not my hair, either I cry everyday or live. Either way it's my choice and whatever choice that is, it will show. To me and everyone around me. I chose to live and be happy. To be honest I've gotten so good with hair and makeup I get compliments all the time bc no one ever notices I have no facial or body hair for years. So I've acclimated. And in doing that I didn't miss out on living. My hope and dream is everyone here can do that too in spite of it all and keep the bigger picture in front of you. Start living or you'll spend the majority part of your missing life over some hair
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Permalink Reply by Susan on
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Wow Dreamscometrue
I feel the same way about dating.I am happy to share my truth.As Oprah would say.
A man of substance won't mind.And the men that mind,are fickle,and not worth having.
Sheila Bridges says,'weeding out the riffraff'
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Oh yeah! So so true!! I've been very lucky not to have dated shallow men. It's things like that that make me see that people will treat you the way you see yourself. I'm like you Susan, happy to share my truth, in hopes of inspiring other women to LIVE and be HAPPY:)!!
There are some lousy people out there but why focus on them and let them steal any joy you have?? You can find good friends, good relationships when you get in alignment with your true self, then happiness will rise to meet you. -
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Permalink Reply by Andrey on
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The only reason you feel this way is because you dated men who happened NOT to care. Had you been in our position, you would be a bitter misanthrope hating yourself. The only difference between your positive attitude and the OP's negativity is the circumstances in your life. Had I met plenty of attractive young women who liked the way I looked, I wouldn't be moping and hating my life. I'm sure the same can be said about pippinsgirl. Its easy for you to say live life and be happy when alopecia hasn't slowed you down.However, since you are a woman I don't really expect you to understand. Most women have dozens of guys lined up and waiting.
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