Alopecia World
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How to accept being ugly
This is going to sound majorly harsh, but hear me out.
I feel like the "bald is beautiful" is a lie we tell ourselves and others just to feel better. I don't think bald is beautiful. I think some can be beautiful IN SPITE of being bald, but it will always detract from their appearance. I don't want to pamper myself and say that if I take a bubble bath and get new clothes and work on the rest of my appearance and "do things to make myself feel pretty" I'll feel attractive, because guess what, I'm not, and I won't try to fool myself into thinking I am. I'm sorry, I realize how insulting to everyone this sounds, but looks DO weigh more than personality in the world. Unfair and sucky, but it's true and we all know it. Jobs, dating, personal worth largely hinges on social perception of ourselves. I can't look a certain way and I can't fool myself into feeling a certain way and so normally I focus on other things, but I'm still never really ok. I go through life knowing that disgust is power, and so no one will mess with me because in a way, walking around with a half smooth half shaved head makes me look tough. But still, I know I am still not ok with my ugliness.
There must be a way to peace without lying to myself. Question is, how can I come to terms and accept that I am ugly? Any thoughts?
-PG
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Ellyn on
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Who's miserable dreamscometrue? I'm not - not about not having hair anyway - just miserable about everything and everybody else in life - miserable about not being able to smile and not being able to laugh - nah, not really! Actually, somebody is so jealous of me she has told others she can't stand the way I smile and laugh all the time - guess what - she's not got many friends!
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Permalink Reply by dreamscometrue on
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You make absolutely no sense and have the most convoluted circular conversation. The forum is about hairloss and you're talking about being miserable about everything else in life. You need a therapist for that. If people are jealous because you "say" youre happy, then what is the problem? Arent you glad youre getting that attention? And why do you care so much if you "say" youre happy? Normal people if theyre happy don't give negative people attention. Try it. It works.
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Permalink Reply by C on
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"It annoys me that on this forum and others, newbies don't listen regarding AU...." Really?!? Experienced are we now? Trying to stay on the subject which wasn't so much about whether or not a cure exist. I thought it was about the inner feelings that are felt by some of us possibly at the same time while trying to accept the fact that nothing can be done about it. I've suffered from alopecia for over 30 years and I cope with it everyday , accept that my head and hair will never be the same , when I see myself without hair.. in this case a wig, I don't see the me that makes me feel good and that should account for importance sometimes. We wouldn't try to be all we can be if we always thought everything was fine the way it is. "either be an Andrey and sink in your own shit...... " are you serious with that remark. You basically made your post a complete waste of time.
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Dear C,
I was completely serious about my remark. The named person is blighted with despair.
“This is the way the world ( hair) ends
Not with a bang( Dom) but a whimper( Andrey).”T. S Eliot
There is no cure /treatment or AU! There never has been!
please show me a link.....
Can you not see it C, Andrey ? The above lines (bold) are a NEW beginning.
We lay down the hair/treatments/cures lol and find OUR WAY without hair/treatments/cures.
This is our reality....
“It is not despair, for despair is only for those who see the end beyond all doubt. We do not.” J.R.R Tolkien
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You are always so amusing Dom I get a chuckle out of your posts. I'll give you a chance to prove me wrong. Show me your amazing bald headed life. Let's see some photos of you having fun living life and you hanging out with attractive women. Put your money where your mouth is. Show me that you can get attractive women as an alopecian.
It is a tragedy for me to bold at 20 years old. The vast majority of women would never date a bald man at my age. You lost your hair at an old age. If you lost it young I doubt you would disagree with me.
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"Well I'm in the same boat as you except I'm a man which make it 100 times worse. I know I'm ugly and women poor behavior toward me has shown as much. I'm 20 and never had a girlfriend. Sad right? Well I can't really blame myself. Women are very viscious toward ugly fellas at a young age. Well at any age to be honest. There isn't much I can do in regard to my appearance. I hate myself and alopecia more than anything. I doubt I will ever accept myself and feel any different. I have no desire to have a succeful career and be a walking atm for women who are really just disgusted by my appearance."
Andrey . You don't want a successful career or a "gold digger" on your arm. Yet the only thing you want is hair on your head/ body, and you can't have it. Your as ugly as the backside of a dirty bus. You know it and you want to tell everyone about it. Your avatar is a male stripper and my posts make you chuckle.
So you do like something. My advice to you is to read all my posts wearing a brown paper bag with eye holes.
In my avatar. Im drinking in Crete last year, before going "out on the lash"
Put your mug shot on and lets see how bad things are,Actually i had aa when i was 17 and dir not like it but i survived.
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You first bro lets see you chilling with some females as I said before. Just because you are drinking at some exotic place means nothing. I could show you a picture of me dancing in the Bahamas but that wouldn't mean anything. In fact I'm going to Mexico in July. Does that somehow make me happier? No. If I had hair these little vacations would be a lot more fun.
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Most people here have already seen a real picture of me and know what I look like. I'm pretty sure Dom has already seen me so I'm not sure why he is asking in the first place.
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"There are no makeovers in my books. The ugly duckling does not become a beautiful swan. She becomes a confident duck able to take charge of her own life and problems." Maeve Binchy
Well I believe you need a makeover and a little hair + suncover, for your trip.
http://www.allfancydress.com/mexican-poncho-~P11012.aspx
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
Oscar Wilde.
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Yep just like I thought. I knew you were frauding. I gave you a chance to change my view. All you had to do was show you hanging out with some attractive females. That must have been a lonely drinking session or a sausage fest!
But let me tell you something. My supposed atrociously horrendous personality does not stop me from having good interactions with attractive women. I get along fine and have good conversations. However these women never have any kind of sexual interest in me obviously because of my looks.
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An attractive women to me is one that is in shape and wears make up. There are many of those. They are called average women. However, even average women find me unattractive due to my bald head. I've never approached a girl who looks like a model. My frustration and pain comes from the fact that I am not good enough even for average women. As far as "actually really being interested in a women for their own sake" women generally do not give me an opportunity to show that kind of deeper interest. I am rejected very quickly either directly, or indirectly by body language.
I am in shape, workout 5 days a week, and no where being overweight. I've lowered my standards enough. Not going down the ladder any further. If I'm not attracted to the girl at all there is really no reason for me to show interest in her. Not that I actually care about women's feelings anymore. Women don't care about my feelings and never did.
"As you get older, you'll find that the women your age get more mature and are less bothered by hair or the lack of it-- and other men your own age will start to lose their hair through male pattern baldness anyway"
Yes after being run over by a train of attractive men while at the same time NEVER even once considering me because my physical appearance is not up to par. No thanks I will pass on that. Not going to date worn out single moms after my bank account. I'd rather remain alone. You don't get to have your cake and eat it too.
As to answer your question pippinsgirl, I have a question of my own. Do my female counterparts struggle with dating? No they don't.
I have no chance with most women because I'm simply not attractive enough. A bald head does not go well with my weak pathetic frame. I do want to hear from you how am I capable of dating a really cute girl when practically ALL women my age use their sexual value to date the best looking guy they can get. NO GIRL MY AGE IS GOING TO DATE A BALD GUY BECAUSE SHE SIMPLY DOESN'T HAVE TOO. 99.999% of men who ask her out will have hair. And than there is little bald me. Women are as selective as their options. Having confidence does nothing. If I'm approaching women, making conversation, and asking them out than I am confident enough. I still get rejected because of my looks.
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Girls absolutely struggle with it, with or without alopecia. I think you forget that part. If we aren't in good enough shape or don't wear makeup, alopecia compounds how hard it is to pass the tests of people like yourself. I'm sorry you've had a shitty time but your misogyny is just gonna dig you in deeper.
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