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How to accept being ugly
This is going to sound majorly harsh, but hear me out.
I feel like the "bald is beautiful" is a lie we tell ourselves and others just to feel better. I don't think bald is beautiful. I think some can be beautiful IN SPITE of being bald, but it will always detract from their appearance. I don't want to pamper myself and say that if I take a bubble bath and get new clothes and work on the rest of my appearance and "do things to make myself feel pretty" I'll feel attractive, because guess what, I'm not, and I won't try to fool myself into thinking I am. I'm sorry, I realize how insulting to everyone this sounds, but looks DO weigh more than personality in the world. Unfair and sucky, but it's true and we all know it. Jobs, dating, personal worth largely hinges on social perception of ourselves. I can't look a certain way and I can't fool myself into feeling a certain way and so normally I focus on other things, but I'm still never really ok. I go through life knowing that disgust is power, and so no one will mess with me because in a way, walking around with a half smooth half shaved head makes me look tough. But still, I know I am still not ok with my ugliness.
There must be a way to peace without lying to myself. Question is, how can I come to terms and accept that I am ugly? Any thoughts?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Andrey on
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Struggle? Struggle? Very amusing. Having a plethora of men available to date at a moments notice is struggling? All the women that I know are constantly in and out of relationships only to have a new boyfriend the next day at a moments notice. I would date a woman with alopecia. How many women on here can say the same?
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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What worked for me: Reading John Hersey's novel The Wall while in junior high school. There was a plain character in the book, Rachel Apt, who had a pure heart. Following that reading, I never looked at others as being more important just because of their surfacy, magazine/fashion-type looks. (Many of them are shallow beyond words, cannot spell, and have boring, repetitive conversation topics anyway.) After all...were there not important queens and scientists in all of history whom we still admire, without EVER having seen photos or paintings of them and their hair?
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Permalink Reply by Susan on
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Dom and tallgirl,you brought me back.
Quack,Quack...
I am a confident duck.
Sometimes life has a way of humbling us.
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Permalink Reply by McKenzie Anne on
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This post bothers me a lot. I'm 17 I've had AU since I was 2 so all my life ive been bald I never liked wearing wigs or scarfs as a kid and I still rarely wear today. I go to school bald I go out in public bald.For someone to say that bald is ugly is not only harsh but cruel because I'm known as the bald girl everyday and so are so many people with Alopecia. We are beautiful not because we are different but because we embrace our differences we've grown to love ourselves and love our head. Or maybe it's just me.
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Well said Hoody-Kenz
I am very proud of you.You are a pioneer.
I especially love the way you said 'we've grown to love Ourselves and our Heads'
Thank you!!!
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Thankou susan im still a kid in a lot of ways so its difficult sometimes with Alopecia but I make sure I never get negative thoughts that will bring me down so when I see a post like this it just hurts that some people let this condition break them.
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Permalink Reply by Ruthie on
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Hoodie-kenz, I agree with Susan, thank you for your perspective, I am learning to love myself and had never thought about learning to love my head. We are all beautiful, we just have to learn how to embrace the differences. Thank you!!
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Permalink Reply by Madge Deeter on
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Hoody-kenz...you are wise beyond your years! Well said and much happiness to you always!
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Permalink Reply by Pamela Rosse on
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Hoody-Kenz, so very well said. I love that you are an intelligent, beautiful & confident Alopcian Woman. You go girl.
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Permalink Reply by Tom on
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You are right on. You at 17 could teach many of us older people a lot. Thank you for your reply. It lifted my spirit .
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Permalink Reply by Cheryl, Co-founder on
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I think that I do get the root of your post. I There are many people who feel they are overweight, too tall, too thin, too muscular, not muscular enough, too breasty, not enough breast and the list can go on and on. And these are features that perhaps makes a person unhappy with their appearance.
I do believe that self-acceptance is more than just settling with what you have in front of you. Because I do believe at some point I crossed over the phase. And I think the difference is a shift in perspective. I remember going through a phase in which I believed that I was never really good looking to begin with, so here we go one more thing to solidify that “truth”. But then along the way I needed more and started to challenge my own beliefs.
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I wanted to add that personally I am not sure that a person basic features change when they lose their hair. Both men and woman color, cut, shave, have beards, mustaches and remove them and so on. Below is a photo from Alopecia World that kind of shows my point.
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