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How to accept being ugly
This is going to sound majorly harsh, but hear me out.
I feel like the "bald is beautiful" is a lie we tell ourselves and others just to feel better. I don't think bald is beautiful. I think some can be beautiful IN SPITE of being bald, but it will always detract from their appearance. I don't want to pamper myself and say that if I take a bubble bath and get new clothes and work on the rest of my appearance and "do things to make myself feel pretty" I'll feel attractive, because guess what, I'm not, and I won't try to fool myself into thinking I am. I'm sorry, I realize how insulting to everyone this sounds, but looks DO weigh more than personality in the world. Unfair and sucky, but it's true and we all know it. Jobs, dating, personal worth largely hinges on social perception of ourselves. I can't look a certain way and I can't fool myself into feeling a certain way and so normally I focus on other things, but I'm still never really ok. I go through life knowing that disgust is power, and so no one will mess with me because in a way, walking around with a half smooth half shaved head makes me look tough. But still, I know I am still not ok with my ugliness.
There must be a way to peace without lying to myself. Question is, how can I come to terms and accept that I am ugly? Any thoughts?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tatiana on
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The are plenty of human hair wigs on modern market which look very natural.
I tattooed my eyebrows and eyes and wear blonde beautiful wig at work and outside.
I decided to build and tone my body at the gym, bleached my teeth. I buy nice clothes now.
And I feel great!
I am a permanent makeup artist and see clients every day. No one ever noticed that I do not have any hair!
Guys still look at me and give me compliments...
I am actually happy that I don't have to spend 30 min every morning to do my hair. Just put on my wig and ready to go and enjoy my life.
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Permalink Reply by Kitty on
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Omg, seriously you tatooed your eyebrows? I'm thinking about doing that but I'm so scared that they might make a mistake in my expression and then, what will I do? Do u go to a normal tattoo shop or to someone different?
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Permalink Reply by Jean J on
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I had mine done several years ago and just had them retouch last fall. Best thing I've done for myself since AU. Pricey, about $600 the 1st time, only 150 for the touch up. Look for someone who does permanent makeup. I called a local plastic surgery office and asked who they recommended, and then emailed some friends to see if they had heard of anyone. When the same name showed up that was the one I went to. It made all the difference for me. I rarely wear wigs and mostly scarves and hats. Sure miss my eyelashes.
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You know the funny thing? I only lost one EYEBROW, the other is there but I can see that I have less hair everyday! I lost completely my eyelashes and its difficult because all the dust enters and it doesn't let me see good. Lol! Thanks so much for the info, I'll look for a permanent makeup person in Montreal, I guess it will not be difficult to find one.
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Permalink Reply by dreamscometrue on
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You are gorgeous!! I wanna get mine done as well!! I'm in New York and the prices run from $98-$300. I check Groupon because they do have deals every now and then for permanent makeup. You are inspiring!!
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That's awesome! And my attitude towards tattooed eyebrows is who cares if they're just ink in your face...done by a professional they look real until you're two inches from them. On wigs however, it's tricky because it's something I've associated with men wearing toupees, as well as the inconvenience of wearing something that is itchy, hot and uncomfortable that may fall off at any given moment. I have given it some thought and decided I might be willing to try but I can't afford a $200 wig, let alone a $4000 one. Do you know of anywhere that sells realistic looking wigs for under $200? (I am totally ok with synthetic).
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Honestly, as far as the wig thing, I say invest the money!
I've worn $50 wigs, $100 wigs, $400 wigs, $800 wigs and $4,000 wigs ... and as crazy as it sounds, if wearing a wig if the way you want to go, my suggestion is to find any means possible to get a more expensive one, instead of spending years and years buying tons of cheap, itchy wigs and having to replace them all the time. I would even go so far as to say go in debt if you have to, and just pay it off as quickly as possible, knowing that the wig will last for over two years.
And file with your insurance!
It's worth it for your well-being and state of mind as far as I'm concerned -- and in the long run, if you're going to be wearing wigs for 5+ years, it's probably fairly cost-effective.
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Insurance?? Wow...I had no idea they'd even cover that! I get why they'd cover prosthetic limbs, but hair? Cool.
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Hang in there sweetie!!! Time eases all pain!!! ONLY YOU can accept yourself and its super difficult since we all live in a world super super superficial where beauty rules. I know I'm not beautiful but my soul is and you might say "bs, she cannot even know what I'm going through" but I do, from the bottom of my heart I DO!!! Does your appearance interfere with your intelligence? With the way you act or feel? Nooooo, that is something deeper, something that only YOU will reach. Practice yoga, do some meditation and connect with the HIGHER power that I call My lovely God!, that's my advice. Only you can change the way you feel and I don't feel sometimes as good as I feel today but we have to continue living right? Peace!!
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Permalink Reply by Marie on
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I'm sorry pippinsgirl, but this is going to sound harsh: stop feeling sorry for yourself, stand up, put your big-girl pants on, and be a real woman. I don't usually get snarky with people, but saying to a site full of women struggling with Alopecia -- like you -- that being bald makes a woman ugly is impolite, inconsiderate, and rude. Having Alopecia is not a pass to be unkind. I'm sorry you feel so negative about yourself, but all of us here know what it's like to say goodbye to our hair, all of us know how sad/shocking/disappointing/confusing it can be, all of us know how it impacts our self-esteem and our self-image. Alopecia World is a place where we help build each other up, not a place where we help convince each other we are ugly. If you consider it lying to yourself to embrace a deeper, truer definition of beauty, then I'm not sure what you want from us. If you want help accepting that you are ugly, it seems like you've done a good job of that all by yourself. By your definition, you can not be beautiful without hair, and you'll probably never have hair again.
However, if what you really want is help letting go of the one superficial standard of beauty that you've been hanging on to, then, we can help. The truly scary thing about Alopecia is not having to accept that you are "ugly" but having to let go of the addictive, obsessive, unrealistic fantasy of beauty. We LOVE the pretty girls/women in the clothing catalogs, in shampoo ads, on TV, and on runways; we don't want to give up the dream that we can be like them. At some point, however, all women who have bought into one-dimensional beauty come to the stark realization that they will never be "beautiful" like those special women. Maybe it happens when they see their first crow's feet, maybe it happens when they get Alopecia. My advice, is to mourn for the loss of the fantasy and embrace a better, more important, more spiritual, more truthful understanding of beauty. But, it's your choice. Either way, your hair (and according to your definition, your beauty) is probably not coming back. Let's get a new definition. OK?
By the way, I have wrinkles, age spots, jowls, marionette lines, stretch marks, sagging boobs and butt, veiny hands, flabby skin under my arms, AND Alopecia. I'm glad Alopecia helped me understand true beauty before I got -- God forbid -- OLD.
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