How to accept being ugly

This is going to sound majorly harsh, but hear me out.

I feel like the "bald is beautiful" is a lie we tell ourselves and others just to feel better. I don't think bald is beautiful. I think some can be beautiful IN SPITE of being bald, but it will always detract from their appearance. I don't want to pamper myself and say that if I take a bubble bath and get new clothes and work on the rest of my appearance and "do things to make myself feel pretty" I'll feel attractive, because guess what, I'm not, and I won't try to fool myself into thinking I am. I'm sorry, I realize how insulting to everyone this sounds, but looks DO weigh more than personality in the world. Unfair and sucky, but it's true and we all know it. Jobs, dating, personal worth largely hinges on social perception of ourselves. I can't look a certain way and I can't fool myself into feeling a certain way and so normally I focus on other things, but I'm still never really ok. I go through life knowing that disgust is power, and so no one will mess with me because in a way, walking around with a half smooth half shaved head makes me look tough. But still, I know I am still not ok with my ugliness. 

There must be a way to peace without lying to myself. Question is, how can I come to terms and accept that I am ugly? Any thoughts?

-PG

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Susan on June 22, 2015 at 12:59pm
It is not the strongest or most intelligent who will survive,but those who can best manage change.
Permalink Reply by Madge Deeter on June 23, 2015 at 4:53pm

AngBerryman: Love the smile...you look stunning!!

Permalink Reply by cara2day on July 5, 2015 at 3:25pm
You totally rock the bandana look, feels wonderful to know other people out there are living it up without hair, I only wear bandanas in the summer so my head doesn't burn, But you pull them off sweetly x
Permalink Reply by dorothy on June 20, 2015 at 6:42pm

it is just a head without hair....how can that be ugly ?   did your hair make you pretty ?  I have been wearing wigs for 53 yrs...  I am not ugly with or without hair.  maybe you were ugly before ??  stop.....

Permalink Reply by Jenny on June 23, 2015 at 5:57pm

Because a normal, pretty noticeable body part is missing (one on and around your face, no less), so it looks jarring and unnatural to people. Because it is.

Permalink Reply by femmemuscle on June 20, 2015 at 8:23pm

whelp! PG, you're at the stage where most of us are at or have been.  And yes, you do have the right to feel the way you do. It took me a while to realize that because of this condition that i won't have long, thick, flowing locks.  Every time i see  a guy describe a beautiful woman on the internet, or in the gym - the FIRST thing they describe is her "long flowing hair"..

I actually knew the wife of a guy that i worked with that was banging  her and another woman, and he wound up marrying the one with the "best hair".  Both the would-be-wife and the "other woman" had waist length hair, but her's was thicker.

yep, lot of folks out there that are just that shallow.

Society places so much emphasis on hair that even celebrities are going bald trying to look as though they have more hair than they naturally do.  Extensions and "sew-in" weaves, lace front wigs, were and are usually "mandatory" ..on and off camera.

I'm surprised that celebrities even "love themselves" after they leave a movie set or are seen without any hair "prosthetics"..

My alopecia has two "favorite"  places that it likes to stay, a palm sized bald patch on the right temple and another on the crown.  Thus, i'm not comfortable without a wig in public.  

I won't say that i look ugly? but i sure as hell look a lot better with a wig on, versus off.

Permalink Reply by JeffreySF on June 20, 2015 at 8:37pm

This post sure generated a lot of responses.

It makes me wonder why more of you aren't on AW more frequently.

Permalink Reply by Ellyn on June 20, 2015 at 9:40pm

Because Pippinsgirl's honesty has hit a spot and allowed us all to say what we feel.  Thank you PG

Permalink Reply by sexypizza on June 20, 2015 at 8:42pm

good on you bro, you are one of the few people here who doesn't lie to himself.

Permalink Reply by Leslie on June 20, 2015 at 8:53pm
It's not that I feel ugly but I don't like the sympathy looks everyone thinks I have cancer. Every time I go out without awake on someone asks me if I'm in remission or how long I've had cancer.
Permalink Reply by Susan on June 20, 2015 at 9:04pm
When I respon to this post earlier today,I gave my perspective.However,in retrospect we are all in different places and stages.
At the end of the day,I have to say,if this is the worst thing that happens to me,I'm my lifetime,I can handle it.
Let's redefine beauty.
Permalink Reply by maria marks on June 20, 2015 at 9:10pm

Thank you pippinsgirl for your honesty. I have had this condition for 47 years & I understand. I have had to compensate for lack of good looks with a great personality & attitude, it's hard work been perfect! Society attitudes have a impact on our lives. One thing my baldness has done for  me is get rid of the bullshit that society is surrounded in. Mindy feels you need counseling, I say society needs counseling .A lot of them out there are not happy with there looks.We are tribal creatures & have the need to be accepted in our pack & love following pack leaders. Society places value on money & good looks, they can abuse good looks to make money. But as you know it takes one voice to change things & we all have differences & we all interpret things from  different angles because we are constantly conditioned how to look & feel. Once you aware of this insight you will achieve to deal with the negatives that life throws at you, this path mind you is not easy because we are constantly growing & looking back from a child's view ,a child does not have the cognitive ability to achieve this yet but the basic cure amongst every soul is love & be loved ,this helps children appreciate differences. It is not easy to turn what may seems negative into a positive. Life is a illusion & some one famous said life is a stage. Great performance is everything out there amongst the illusion(bullshit). Every human deals with self worth & negatives. Just been aware of this is important. You will find your way in your time & only you can consent to how the negative feelings will be allowed to bother you. I have old wounds & new ones but it will not bring me down.It is what it is, so try the best for yourself & the rest will fall in place. I know what alopecia has done for me & it held me back many a times but it also gave me the strength to achieve what I wanted ,it just didn't let me achieve  it the they way I wanted it to. Best wishes to you & again thank you for sharing some truth on the matter. These support groups mean well, knowing we are not alone in our battle.I just pick & choose what I need to from everyone sharing.Tailoring to your needs is great stuff & sharing may just help others. I am aware of my judgements & others judgements, I thank alopecia for this & a lot of  other things , I never in my life would ever thought of thanking alopecia. I hope sharing this might help along your road travels with alopecia take care from 'one voice'. P.s  sharing a secret alopecia is not my friend, just a thorn in my side.

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