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How to deal with alopecia at the workplace- how do you approach?
I'd like to hear your ideas about how you deal with alopecia areata (or any hair loss for that matter) at work in a professional environment, especially if you are in a position where you have quite a bit of visibility and supervise others. I have worn a wig for 20 years due to alopecia areata and over the years I've found that when I did tell coworkers, sometimes it backfired and I felt somewhat "defined" by my hair and felt marginalized professionally. I had some pretty discouraging experiences that still hurt a bit when I think about them. I work in a very small industry that is kind of gossip-y so that makes it all the more confusing.
Part of my personal healing has been to accept that I have moved on from trying to "get over" how I feel about losing my hair as a young woman and never getting it back after years of hoping. I felt completely defined by losing my hair when it first happened and for years after.
Once I accepted that I will never be happy about alopecia and wearing a wig...and that that's ok- that I don't have to force myself to not feel what I feel and be happy about this.....that is when I truly began to feel like I could live with it and still love and find joy in my life.
I accept that it will always bother me, sometimes more than others, and that is my path. I feel like over the years I have found a way to "dance" with this alopecia and live a joyful life- it's just part of the package. This acknowledgement of my own difficulty and pain has helped me enormously- I suppose it seems counter-intuitive but for me it has made all the difference in the world to accept that it will always hurt on some level. I used to blame myself for not getting over it and once I stopped doing that, I started to slowly feel better and more hopeful.
In the past 10 years or so I have not talked about my situation with anyone at the workplace. It seems to be the right thing for me to be private at work and it's what I feel comfortable with- but I also want to open my mind about this and consider other ideas if you have experiences you could share.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Layla on
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Thank you for your comments, Rose. I have had experiences similar to what you describe here and I appreciate how those kinds of things feel. Sometimes it seems like people are so curious and they will not relent on finding out what is going on with someone- even if they are completely invading your space. If they could see themselves objectively, they would probably be ashamed. In that moment though, they can push into your space without imagining how it may feel for you. It sounds like you drew your boundary though and that's great.
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Hi there! Well, I've come to be quite the blabber about my condition... not to everyone, but to select people that I can trust. It helps having some people understand that you are sure won't 'stab you in the back.' At work, I'm uncomfortable about my hair to no end... but others don't comment on it much thank god. I used to have gorgeous hair, used to always get compliments, and now, I just want the rest of it gone more and more every day. It sounds like you've had a lot of self-realizing / growing experiences thus far, good for you! This is by no means an easy thing to cope or deal with compared to others who don't give their hair a second thought throughout the day. At work, I try not to judge others because I don't want to be judged (well, all the time, but especially at work).
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Hi- I think what you said about finding those you can trust is so important, and for me it doesn't have to be a bunch of people, just a few close friends. I don't feel I need to talk about it much but that's what works for me. I think at the start of having alopecia I felt pressure to talk about it to everyone and wondered if I wasn't completely an open book there was something wrong with me. Over the years realized that's not for me and this is my choice. Bear in mind, I did also go to a counselor for about 2-3 years and it helped me enormously to start to accept my life as it was. Most of the time, I just cried when I went to see her,,,but somehow it helped me accept the pain I was feeling and the reality of how hard the experience of losing my hair was for me- it meant the loss of the life I thought I was going to have in a way. Allowing myself to feel it helped me start to make peace with it I suppose.
At work it's always trickier because in a competitive work environment how you present yourself is a factor, like it or not. Not just how you appear but how you carry yourself. I have focused so hard on being a high performer so that the focus is on what I can do and I can maybe neutralize the ups and downs of my appearance a bit and make them less influential in how I am perceived. For sure, I've worked twice as hard as the next guy to be taken seriously. But I think I'm better at my work than I ever would have been because I felt I had to be- that's the silver lining I guess. Focusing on what i could control has made a lot of difference even though it's not always easy. I expect this will be a continual growing process for me for the rest of my life.
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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I have to tell the administrative staff that I wear a wig in case any of the students harrass me or try to take my wig off. I also want them to be aware that I can't be in extreme active, windy or heat conditions. However, I wait until AFTER I get hired to say all this. I have found that taking the wig off sometimes grosses some staff members out, so I will not do that on the next job. They only need to know so that THEY can protect ME if things get rough. The rest is my own business!
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Permalink Reply by Cindie on
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Yes, Rose...people get "too personal" and invasive....I am pretty closed up about it, because the more I try to explain alopecia, the more negative comments I get....
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Permalink Reply by Denise on
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I agree wholeheartedly with you Cindie..i reached out to certain people, who i believed would be supportive with this sensitive, personal topic, and one laughed straight in my face, one said i wasn't taking care of my hair the right way and the other comment was ignorant as far as i am concerned...it takes from your self esteem but luckily i now do have people i can talk to sometimes but not as often as i need to.
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Permalink Reply by Plumeria on
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I work in the school district and in one school, I kept trying to tell administration that I was unable to accompany students in the pool - I chose not to take my wig off and also chose not to explain my issues with administration. Just merely stated, due to medical reasons, I am unable to accompany students in the pool. I was told this wasn't the job for me. I promptly went to my DR, got a note stating "due to a medical condition, I was unable to join students in the pool". I was found a job in the district that didn't require students in the pool.
It can be very frustrating having to explain yourself. I was in an office setting at first and chose a different profession while my children were growing, just about time for me to re-locate.....sometimes more stressful to explain than to carry on with life.
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Permalink Reply by Melanie on
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I have been very open with all my work colleagues from day one. I wanted them as well as me to be prepared if my hair rapidly fell out and not feel sorry for me. They have been great, quite interested & inquisitive. Some of them really wanted to look closely and touch it and I was quite comfortable with that. They even compliment me some days and say my hair looks great as I experiment with hairbands & hats and they are just as excited as me when they see some hair pactches growing back. They even help me before we go out for lunch when sometime I say "can you give me a quick check over are my patches covered?"
I work for a small company with only 10 staff so we are really close and there for each other no matter what I guess the same may not apply for larger working environments though.
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Thanks for your reply Melanie- it sounds like you have a lot of support and are doing a great job taking things in stride.
I have moved from one job to another over the years and that is when I felt more ill at ease about what to share or not share. At the beginning I was more open because I think at that time I thought it would turn around for me- but somehow over the years I have in some ways gotten less open. I am not sure what's better sometimes. I think if my colleagues had been there from day one I may feel more comfortable but I can't really know for sure.
Everyone's comments have made me think again and have been very supportive. thank you!
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Permalink Reply by Gerina on
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I lost my hair within a couple of weeks and shaved it, so it was noticeable for everyone around me that there was something going on as I am wearing scarfs and hats, that is why I have been open to everyone to avoid talking, gossiping and assuming that I would be seriously ill. I sent an email to all my colleagues and received so much support and love. People close to me I told personally, but still I also informed my friends and family through email, it saved me from telling the story over and over again, awkward feeling from both sides and I could give them more information about AA. Next to that something inside of me just dont want to hide. There is already such a taboo on this for women, I would like to be ok with myself and in order to be ok I need to open and honest with the outside world as this also affect me as a person. It works vice versa.
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I think the e-mail with attachments/info idea, sent safely and quietly from home, is a GREAT way to handle the announcement and a request for personal support! Then, while at the computer, folks can do their own research reading online. Good for you, Bumblebee! Did you include www.naaf.org?
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