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How to find the courage to go out in public bald
Ive had AA since I was 8 years old and this year I will be turning 24. Over the past few months I have become tired of covering my head all the time. The wigs are hot and at time uncomfortable. I do go out in my backyard without them and the wind and sun feels great on my head. My husband is completely supportive of me going outside bald and actually prefers me bald. My goal is to go out without anything on my head this summer, but deep down Im very afraid. So I guess my question is, how did you wake up one day and have the courage to out outside in public completely bald?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by alopeciamommy on
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Hello,
I agree with you. Our daughter started going bald last year at age 7. She decided she wanted to buzz whatever hair was left and when she did, she cried because she said she felt free and didn't have to hide anymore. People look but I think it's more out of concern or curious because it's different. We have only been shown support from strangers not anything negative. I think if we are not ashamed or embarrassed other people won't feel bad for her, she is confident and upbeat and embraces or baldness.
Embrace your newfound beauty and others will too
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I started going out in public after yoga class several years ago. Yoga was one of the places I always felt comfortable and supported by others. No stares, just love. I'm a elementary school teacher, so I would go without hats and such in the summer. Last August I started going to work without hats and scarves. You're always going to get looks, but the more you do go out, the easier it gets. This year I actually had 2 people and 2 different concerts come up to me and ask if I have alopecia...not cancer. They knew others with AA. And then they both said, "You're beautiful." Good luck with your actions, whatever they may be. And remember, you are beautiful.
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Permalink Reply by Fifi on
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It's been about 12 months since I lost my hair to AA and I think the key is to let things happen in your time...and by the sounds of things you're almost ready! When I first lost my beautiful hair (aged 42) I wouldn't have imagined that I would be walking around everyday with a patchy, balding head...but here I am! I've used all the tips, tricks and accessories along the way...but ultimately it came down to two things for me...authenticity and comfort. Wearing scarves and my beautiful wig (Sophie) made me feel like I was dressing up...and living in very hot Queensland (Australia) made it so uncomfortable. My support networks also boosted me incredibly, telling me how gorgeous I was and even inspirational to them! I used (and still do use) this to strengthen my resolve on days when I don't feel so accepting of this disease. It wasn't always easy though, and sometimes I'd get angry if I thought people were staring at me...but then I had someone point out to me that I didn't really know why others were looking on...it could be that they identified my hair loss with a loved one who may be going through the same thing, or that they'd lost to cancer...perhaps they thought I was brave, attractive, unique...who knows...and really it doesn't matter, because they are but passers by and not integral to my life, as I am not to theirs. My only advice to you would be to go gently, be kind to yourself and do things in your own time. The growth I've experienced in myself as a person because of my AA is certainly the silver lining! Good luck :)
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I have had alopicia for over 5 years. It started with a few little spots. I went to a dermatologist and got shots and it got worse. I used to say well at least it is not cancer. Then I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am a survivor, my hair never came back right after the chemo. For the first year and a half after chemo I did not have a hair on my body. Then it started to grow. I have eye brows and eye lashes now. And about 6 months ago the hair on my head started to grow back. It is very thin on the top and in the back. I am still bald on both sides of my head, so I keep the rest shaved real short. I am not sure what this year will bring. But I too hope to be able to go out in public with out my wig. I don't wear my wig at home or in my office at work. I will wear it if I have to go to meeting or when I go out in public. I hope to be able to have enough courage to go out in public this summer with out a wig, hat or scarf. This is a personal goal for myself. I believe we can do it, hang in there KLove890 and take it one day at a time.
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Permalink Reply by PamFitros@boldlybaldwomen.com on
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K,
Have you looked at your picture? Really looked? Why would you want to hide that - you're beautiful. For me, it's throw on a pair of sassy earrings and go.
It wasn't always that way...here are a couple of excerpts from Boldly Bald Women that gives you a picture. Our brother had recently died and when she saw my bald head she became anxious - perhaps she would lose me as well.
More than anybody in my life, my sister suffered the emotional trauma of my hair loss. She wouldn't look at me She would turn away or cover her eyes with her hand whenever I took off the wig.
"Cover your head!" she'd insist, and I would, understanding, but feeling frustrated and hurt. When it became clear that wigs simply were not for me either physically or emotionally, she frowned, pursed her lips and said: "Well then, start wearing hats!"
"Sister-mine," I retorted, "if you want me to wear hats, you'd better get busy and make them."
Darned if she didn't find several crocheted hat patterns and do just that!
The day my sister came to accept me as bald was the day I took off my hat to mop pooling sweat. She saw how sopping wet the paper towel became.
"I can't do this anymore," I said in distress. "I can't be this uncomfortable to protect you from your distaste."
She looked stunned. Turns out, it wasn't distaste - it was both fear and her sense of propriety. If my sister didn't see the baldness she wouldn't have to see the start difference in how I looked. She wouldn't have to cope with something being wrong or worry that she might lose me.
Somewhere along the line we both realized that I can't live my life from the perspect of my sister's comfort - or anyone else's. She reluctantly left her comfort zone behind and looked openly at my bald head. She hugged me and touched the baby bottom softness of my scalp without flinching. My sister said she made the decision to be okay with my baldness. She said it, but I knew it was here love for me speaking. I knew she really meant it the day she told me if I wanted any more hats, I'd have to learn how to make them myself.
Mine is only one of the twenty five stories the women in Alopecia World shared in Boldly Bald Women.The stories are all different, but the essence is the same. Once you get over the hurdle of that one person you're most afraid to be bald around, it gets easier. You learn to interpret the looks you get and know who is concerned you may have cancer, who is curious, who is taken aback, who thinks you're waaaay cool for having the courage to be comfortable in your own skin and strut your stuff.
Honestly? I'm a grandmother. I'm overweight and have never been inundated by comments about being beautiful...until I started walking out Bold and Bald. Now I hear it all the time from both men and women. And it certainly isn't my wardrobe. It's a strange day when you don't find me in jeans and a tee shirt.
Ladies, it's the bald head. Everyone remembers who I am. They see me comfortable and smiling and pick up on my attitude rather than my lack of all body hair. I use every opportunity to answer questions and increase awareness. And it has become my life mission for as many more years as God gives me to use my difference to boldly create a path for my sisters to follow to find their own comfort and reclaim their joy.
[excerpt from Boldly Bald Women, Chapter Five: 'Wake Up and Smell the Hairspray'.
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I have recently started to go out bald and the more I do it the more I am getting used to it. Some rude people stare but it does not bother me as much as it used to. Some days are better than others. Once the people who you care about get used to it, it also gets much easier. The very best of luck
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Good Morning Ladies, What to here a funny that is sure to make you smile this morning. I walked out of the house with out my wig. I forgot it at home. It is very cold here in WI right now so it is not unusually for me to wear just a hat in the morning too keep my head warm. But I usually bring the wig along so when I have to leave my office to go to the bathroom or pick up mail ... I can put it on. Well the funny thing is I am not really worried about it. I will be going to the bathroom without my wig today. I work in a hugh medical complex. While the people I work with in my office are used to seeing me bald or almost bald the rest of the people in this bulding are not. I am sure I will get some looks or there my be questions. But today like Pam Fitros :) above I am going to use this opportunity to answer questions and increase awareness about Alopecia and I am alright with that. Thank you Pam you have inspired me. I think I have been ready for sometime. Comming out of the closet today look out public here I come with a big smile on my face ready to take on the day. Have a great day everyone, live is short so enjoy the ride and make the best of each day with a wig/hair or with out. I will check in tomorrow with an update for those inquiring minds who might want to know how my day went.
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I'm soooooo excited for you Debbie! Working in a huge medical complex is exactly the right place to take your wig off and start teaching people about alopecia. One of my dreams is to speak to medical students who are going into dermatology. You wouldn't believe the things the girls in Boldly Bald Women heard from their doctors! Some of them were incredibly ignorant how to talk to their patients about alopecia. I have talked with women diagnosed with cancer who were actually more concerned about losing their hair than having cancer - hair is that central to our core identities. Women are in shock when they know they are losing their hair and dermatologists should be required to have a course in 'bedside manners' before they are allowed to practice.
I look forward to your stories from today. :-)
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Permalink Reply by Donna on
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Hello, just a quick note to encourage you. You see my T shirt says 'Just shave it'. That's my motto. I have been completely shaven for 7 yrs. I took the chicken way out and had hair one day and bald the next. I did not want the gradual loss. What I can say is I still am not used to the stares, but I know out of those stares I encourage others because I have been told so numerous times. Out of those stares are some of admiration. Out of those stares I have gotten more compliments than I ever had before hair loss. I love talking to kids about my baldness, and hope I can set some of them free early in life, from hair care preoccupation. You will know when you are ready and won't look back. Plus you have a supportive husband-Great! The way I do it is wear some crazy earrings and pretend nobody is looking- they are, but I know some of those stares wish they could do it too!
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Donna,
You are a Boldly Bald Woman after my own heart! Attagirl!
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Chenelle,
It would be wonderful if we could avoid all the questions and stares. And someday there will be no more questions and stares because the more of us who face life as Boldly Bald Women, the more commonplace bald women will become until bald is just another style - like a ponytail or braids.
Meanwhile, you can help yourself and others at the same time by smiling broadly at the stares and nodding your head with cheerful acknowledgement of their presence in your world, and answering those questions to help raise awareness of alopecia and change the way we are perceived. I see more and more acceptance. Take a look at my response to a segment on the Today Show dealing with responses to curly vs. straight hair to see the response from the Dove company. Most people are so proud of our courage and willingness to be the path makers...
http://boldlybaldwomen.com/57-of-teen-girls-and-44-of-adult-women-a...
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Permalink Reply by Laura Adams on
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I required about 2-3 years before I could fathom going out bald. It was in the mid-90's, so maybe general perceptions were different. But when I finally did ditch the wigs and hats, I felt a new sense of accomplishment, as if I had one up on the alopecia. I imagined that the alopecia was trying to stifle me; forcing me to wear stuff on my head. I resisted and refused------finally-to cover my head, and felt liberated though terrified. After several uneventful outings the terror subsided.
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