Alopecia World
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How to reassure my husband
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Pedro Costa on
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I went through the same thing...my ex-girlfriend was diagnosed with AA and in a couple of months went from patches to AU...it was very hard on her and i did the best i could to assure her not was going to change!! but everytime i thought about tell her how beautiful she was, even 100% hairless, i thought that she may be offended and think that was just pity!! i came to this comunnity to seek informations and support to be with her...eventually, everything worked out...we're not together anymore cause she's living in Spain and i'm in Brazil!
my advice: don't change anything...do, say, all the things you always did! time is a great medicine!!
she has embraced her situation, doesn't wear a wig and is just fine!!p.s.: sorry, about the english
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Permalink Reply by Me&myGirl_Aussie on
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Support and love your husband as you always have, and get him on here to read about this, see how others feel, and let him vent to others that have and are going through the same thing.
There is so much to learn, and right now I believe he is learning to deal with the change and the unknown.
My daughter & I have a special relationship where we both know what its like, and she has had me to vent to, she only started loosing her hair earlier this year (believe me though it was not all nice), She is dealing with it fine now, even talks about it in her news time in class and shows off her wigs to her friends..... it seems she likes the special attention she gets when she shows up at school with new hair :).
Looking at my self and my daughter, it is self acceptance that seems to help with the moving on, my daughter has fuzz on her head and we joke about it all the time, it is patchy, but we still mess it up and she laughs about it now.... she has accepted that she is just like mum and she states "we are special"......time will help and he WILL be confident and happy again.
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Permalink Reply by Norm on
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The last thing that peeps who're going through something traumatic want (especially if it's something that alters their self-image), is to be treated differently, cos that just emphasises the change. Just be the girl you always were - do the same things, go the same places, etc. - because what HAS changed, really? Nothing that affects how you see him, that's for sure.
Of course, you can't totally ignore what's happening, but just mention it now and then, see how he's feeling, and let him know he's still the same guy you married. At some point you do need to discuss it properly, before it becomes the elephant in the room, but after you've both had your say I'm sure you'll find it much easier to be around each other.
Be prepared, though, for him to have the occasional moment, especially with this being recent. He'll need some time to come to terms with it, and sometimes there's not a lot you can say or do when the black moods hit. Like M&MGA says, get him on here - it's much easier to deal with something stressful when you find there's a whole bunch of people going throughthe same thing!
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Permalink Reply by LitchKing on
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Great wife..
To your husband...
Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.
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Permalink Reply by Sunflower25 on
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Hugs helped. I took it hard too - but he never once treated me any different. I needed that to really be okay with the whole thing.
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Permalink Reply by Jamie Hill on
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I have been living with Alopecia for a very long time. I lost my hair when I was 3 and grew it back just to lose it again by time I was 11 and totally losing it by 13. A hard age to lose it. I wore the hair pieces for a while. However, I am turning 30 soon and have finally hung up the hair pieces. I am going to work as I am and out in the community too. My advice is that it may take a while to build up your confidence again. But there are a lot of people in this world that have Alopecia, and all I have to say is it is just hair. My husband loves me without it. I will have to say that there are a lot of benefits to not having hair, more pros than cons. If your husband needs someone to talk to, tell him to join.
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Permalink Reply by Christine on
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You are already doing the best thing you can do, Being supportive, and caring, and empathetic towards him at this difficult time, You genuinely care about it and don't want him to suffer. Not all of us have that in our spouse. Being a man with AA is in some ways easier, and others more difficult. I'm a woman but can imagine how hard it would be to have facial hair missing is spots (very noticeable) and missing eyebrows. Although many men experience baldness as they age, and some choose to go bald on purpose, it is not your husbands choice Alopecia is making it for him. As women we have the wig option, I hope that some men will chime in here and offer options for your husband that I would not know about. Continue to do all the Loving things you are doing. AA is a cruel disease at times, and effects how you feel about your outward appearance, and how you present yourself to the world. The more control that your husband feels he has with this the better! Has he tried Minoxidil? or any other treatments? Depending on his situation there may be some help for him. Try out a group if you live in a area where there is one. Get him on here, I know that talking about it with others who real do know how you feel is the best. Kudos to you for being so great about this.
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Permalink Reply by alamogirl/ aka Judy on
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I am the person on the receiving end of encouragement. My wonderful hubby treats me exactly as he always did. He accepts my need to grieve occasionally (sometimes with volume-haha) but his best help has been solidly treating me the same as before, letting me talk about this, assuring me I have not changed essentially, and never ever second guessing my emotions. Just support him completely, and when he seems strong, send him to sites like this one and just be natural. You and he will get to a calmer place. There will be bumps and "eruptions" but you will be OK. Blessings to you both
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Permalink Reply by Amber on
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Thanks to you all for your suggestions and support. I will do my best to get Jordan (my husband) on here. Things aren't getting much better but I have faith they will in time. I have a feeling he will need an extraordinary show of love and support. I offered to shave my head but he said absolutely not, so I need to keep looking for an idea. I'm not creative but he deserves nothing short of fireworks and a marching band playing "I'm too sexy" in his honor. Anyone know a marching band for hire? :)
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Permalink Reply by Zee on
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I hope you are kidding with the band thing. I would not do that. It would bring more attention to him right now which I bet he does not want. See, he had to go through th stages that we all had to go through until he comes to terms with it. Anger, denial, crying a lot more crying, times he thinks he can fix it, some more back and forth, wants to hide from the world, cry, cry, hit bottom and then exceptting it. Treat him the exact same as before. If he wants to talk about it then talk to him about. Don't bring it up or push anything. It took me months to go outside without a hat. Then I learned to let go. He will have to do the same on his terms not yours or anybody else's. He is an Alopecia now. Think about it, it's like finding out you are a Klingon when you thought you were a human your whole life. He wil seek out other Alopecians on his time when is ready. The best, best thing for you to do is give him lots and lots of hugs.
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Yes the band thing was a joke :) when he saw it he liked it though. we talk about his alopecia all the time. We can joke if he needs humor or be serious if he's feeling self conscious, but it's not a forbidden topic. He has shaved his head so the patches are less noticeable. He has also gotten lots is compliments on the smooth scalp, too, so that helps. He doesn't stay hidden at home. he works during the dy, goes to church, and golfs every other Sunday. He has decided he might even keep the smooth head even if his hair grows back. Alopecia has been ahieve inconvenience but his world didn't end when it showed up. I know it affects every person differently, though. He finally joined Alopecia World so he will be able to meet other people in his position. If you want to support him send him a friend request. His name is Jordan Dalton and I'm sure he would like to get to know more of yall.
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