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How to support a friend with alopecia
Hi all,
I'm new to this site. I joined because I have a very good friend who is struggling with Alopicia. He lost his hair at the age of 8 and even though it grew back, he lost it all again at the age of 24. He is having a very hard time dealing with it. He seeks mental health treatment and he is trying his best. As a friend, i feel helpless and would love to help him. If you have any advice on what you think would be appreciated as part of being supportive, please let me know?? like if you wish you had a friend doing certain things for you, or what being there ofr you really means, I would love to be that friend for him. We are not in a romantic relationship but we are very close. It makes me sad to see him be this sad.
Thank you for your help, I admire all your positivity, strength and courage
MOI.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Christina Yong on
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My daughter has lost all her hair too and she was very sad about it until I told her that there are many more people out there who are much worse than losing hair such as the blind, born defects, etc. Today she has come to term that she is really very fortunate that these people.
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Hi There,
I liked it when people acknowledged that I was hurting, but reinforced the fact that there is more to beauty than just appearances and that most people worth getting to know are able to look past hair or no hair. When I lost all my hair, I liked being around people that were able to do just that. I was more sensitive and didn't like being around people who made rude comments about how other people don't look good for any reason because it made me think about how they may be judging me and the way I look. I think alopecia made me less superficial/ judgemental and I think I helped some of my better friends become less superficial as well. I'd say that, now, I've come to terms with the way that I am, and I don't let it bother me anymore, so one thing that really bothers me is when people treat me like a victim or say they feel so sorry for me that I don't have hair. I'd say there's something comforting about my closer friends treating it like its no big deal. It's normal for him to grieve, and you should definitely listen to how he feels and try to sympathize if he wants to talk about it, but it's also great to just get the elephant in the room out of the way and move on with living life normally. Try to go out and do things together that help him to stop worrying about how he looks to other people, like go for a hike and ask him about other things in his life, play paintball, lazer tag, anything fun... Also, if he's not already a member on this site, he definitely should be! It really does help to talk directly with people that know exactly what your going through.
I hope that all made sense, and I hope that your friend can feel better soon. You sound like a great friend to be so concerned about his happiness.
- Christa
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HI,
I love that you include things like not being treated with too much pity, like a victim and especially your thing on being judgmental. I've heard it from another friend with Alopecia. And now that you mention it, him and i NEVER discuss other people... Absolutely never and its such a good break from everyday gossip because as you say, who are we to judge?
Thank you :)
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You're an amazing friend for going this far to make sure that your friend feels comfortable. My best advice would build him up, tell him how amazing he is when he gets sad about his hair, and just treat him like you would anyone else. You're a special person for wanting to help him the way you are and I think you will be just what he needs to get through it. Best of luck to him and I wish you the best as well!
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For me, it really helped me come to terms with alopecia when I met other people with alopecia. Even if it is just one person, they will make him realize he is not alone and that someone truly understands what he is going through.
Also sometimes the best thing a friend can do is simply not treat him like he is any different. Most people with alopecia simply want to be normal again and being constantly surrounded by people asking about our hair can be tough.
You sound like a great friend, keep supporting him, I hope he feels better soon!!!
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Thanks, i don't view him any different which is the irony. I understand the importance of his self-value etc.. i just dont wanna be sucked into his despair kind of. like that balance that all of you speak about between validating the pain while treating no differently.
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Permalink Reply by Pam D. on
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One small thing that bothers me is my friends don't know how to react, for instance, when I make a joke or wear a new wig. If I'm laughing at myself, it's okay to laugh along with me or even come back with a wise-crack, but I think they feel uncomfortable doing so. The last time I showed up with a new wig, no one said if they liked it, hated it, nothing; for me, a new wig is the same as a new hairstyle, acknowledge it! I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't treat him any different than you always have; just support him in the best way you can. I accepted this condition early on; I brought my friends into the fold before my appearance changed. It has made it easier knowing that, to my friends, it made no difference; I was a little different on the outside, but the same on the inside. He is very lucky to have such a caring, thoughtful friend; I wish him luck.
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Haha i would love to do what your friend does in public except that i haven't seen the situation for it yet. He is a guy, and you know, not very verbal about anything...
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Permalink Reply by Rodolfo Varela on
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MOY Hello, hello all.
I not trying to trivialize the problem who we are in this situation well in a simple way we can divide into three groups, in my humble opinion.:
1 -. Those with this condition and struggle mightily to succeed.
2 -. Those being in this situation and continue to resign as they can.
3 -. Finally those who accept this condition more freely and see this as a feature more of his own person, blond, blond or bald.People in paragraph 1 or 3 either have a more encouraging prospect. who want to help a person suffering from this problem should try enforcarla in paragraphs 1 or 3.
a hug to all.
Rodolfo.
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Amazing. I would place him in between 1 and 2, kind of ambiguous. You speak of it sort of like individuals who struggle with addictions and their level of acceptance ;)
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Permalink Reply by Dorothy on
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The last thing I wanted to hear was how others had it so much worse. To me my hair loss was worse than cancer, I even said that at least people with cancer know the suffering will end one way or the other, cure or death. I prayed for death so my suffering would end. My advice, let him know he IS NOT abnormal. I felt like a freak. Let him know you care, so many around me acted like I was someone to be talked about, but not talked to. For me NO ONE ever asked just how was I coping, doing, how was I handling all the changes. No one around me acted like I matter and what I was going thru even existed. In short, talk to your friend, make him feel good about himself and what he may be going thru. Do NOT belittle how he feels, it is REAL to him, no matter how you feel about him, he feels the way he feels and your mission as a friend is to acknowledge he has a right to feel the way he does and help him understand and ultimately accept he is still a beautiful person both inside as well as outside. You know your friend the best, you should be able to figure out just what he needs from your friendship just by being there for him and listening.
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