After about 6-7 years, my alopecia got worse where I cannot wear my own hair.

I am African American and I have been natural for about 10 years. I stopped relaxing due to the thinning of my hair in the crown.

I had locs from 2007-2010 which were down the middle of my back, but the alopecia in the top of my head became so bad, that I could no longer wear them. The locs in the crown were hanging on by thin strands of hair and sometimes I would pull them up or back and it would hurt. Also I would wake up some mornings and I would have one in the bed that came out over night. I cut the locs in May 2011. The hair in the back has grown back a lot - however I have had little to no growth in the crown and it has been over a year. Sometimes I feel like an old man that you see with hair on the sides and back but not in the top. I remember that my grandmother had baldness in this same way.

If I didn't have a discolored scalp - I would consider shaving it all off but I have seborrheic dermatitis which causes a lot of flaking, redness and soreness on my scalp. I can wash and put cream/ointment etc on my scalp in the front and within a few hours the scalp will start to turn white again with flakes.

I also have sjogrens syndrome which is another autoimmune disease that I have to contend with. I also get tested every six months for lupus and rheumatoid arthritis (my mother has the latter) because having one autoimmune disease makes you more likely to get another - and I have two so far.

The sjogrens causes dryness which does not help my scalp. It also contributes to most of my teeth falling out and blurred vision. I have had most of my bottom teeth pulled out or broken off - there are only 5 of my teeth left on the bottom. It is most noticeable in the very front. I have a temporary bridge on the bottom which hides the gap in the front. Aside from the cost, the dentist does not think that my gum base is strong enough to support dental implants.

So.... I have no hair in the top and no teeth.

I deal with it pretty well most of the time because I know that there are people who deal with illnesses mush worse than what I have. I would lie if I said that it did not make me sad sometimes. I do worry about finding someone to share the rest my life with. My son will be graduating high school soon and I don't want to be alone. My ex-husband didn't seem to mind but he was there during the transition from hair to no hair and teeth to no teeth. I don't know how someone new will deal with it. Even before my ex and I broke up - I was hesitant to let him see my head as it was falling out/thinning more and more. I hesitate on getting closer to someone or even responding to an advance because I fear the rejection once I tell them the truth.

I feel pretty good about myself when I get dressed to go out. I love playing with new styles and wigs. I have come to terms with the fact that I will always wear a wig. There are so many options available that I am grateful for a choice. It is when I come home and take off the makeup, jewelry, hair etc that I feel down - it is not all the time, but it is sometimes.

t feels good to be able to vent about how I feel and not act like it doesn't matter all the time because it does...