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I need help telling my friends about my wig... plz help
OKAY i am finally fed up... i can not lie and pretend anymore...im tired of always wondering if my friends can tell that i am losing my hair or if i am wearing a wig when i wear one. and im tired of always making up lies when people ask me why my hair looks different and changing the subject as fast as i can. i got a new lace wig and i hate it!! i cut off to much of the lace and now it doesnt fit my head. and i can no longer wear my hair in a ponytail without my scalp showing. i can't afford to buy another one right now and i can not cover up my baldness anymore.My friend cooked my fiance and i dinner and when i realized that my wig (my last resort) wasnt going to work i called and told her that i was sick and couldnt make it... and then i called every friend i had that i thought might stop by the house and told them that i had a migraine and i wouldn't be up to visitors tonight. the stuff i was thinking about my life was starting to scare me because i am a very happy and go lucky person. i even thought that i would be better off dead!!! are you kidding me??? i actually thought death was better then telling people that i have to wear a wig. I should be thinking god to be alive and to not have something worse wrong with me. i know my friends will not care but i DO NOT WANT THEIR PITY. i dont want to be known as the girl that has to wear a wig and most of all i dont want people to think that my fiance could do so much better than me, that im not good enough for him. i have a little sister who is 7 and thinks the world of me and her opinion of me is the most important to me, im sure everyone knows just how honest kids that age can be! i am going to tell my friends tomorrow so i would like for everyone who reads this to share their experience please... i need all the help i can get with this....
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by lou amin on
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I know exactly what u r going through
if they r real friends they wouldn't care wether u have a full head of hair or not
I think it's not what's on your head that matters ,it's what's in it
good luck
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Permalink Reply by Reto on
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Ashley -- a few varied thoughts
- your photo / picture looks very good, your hair looks nice.
- I have alopecia and my wife is black and has short (curly) hair and has worn weaves or wigs since we've been married (quite a long time, 23 years). Sometimes people would ask my wife, is "that your hair". She would say "yes" (i.e. who else's hair is it?). Now she simply tells her closer friends she likes wear a variety of hair pieces, and as she looks good in them, her friends want to get them too. She used to tell people she had weaves (when she did weaves), and then they would want them too to make their hair more full. She has many wigs now and changes styles as she wills.
- Boy, I have a hard enough time controlling what I think! Trying to control what other people think we'll make you sick. In my opinion, what people think is always a statement about them, not about you. For example (not to be spiritual/religious, but it shows the point very clearly ): when I see someone who is sick, do I see this is God's Son or Daughter whose perfection is not fully shining through right now, or do I see (think) something else? And, how then equally does this thought equally apply about me. The way we think of others, is the ultimately the way we think about ourselves, hold ourselves.
- On the fun side, I have a friend who is a comedian, and one of my favorite one-liners from her is, "We wouldn't worry so much about what people think about us if we realized how seldom they did". Everyone is so preoccupied with their life and perhaps wondering what others like you are thinking of them! :-) :-) They're the "star" in their show, as you are in yours :-)
- The more positive you are able to get / feel about the way you look -- experiment, play around with your hair piece, take time with it, get more comfortable, the more that will be reflected back in your world. Soon people will be complimenting you on your hair and wanting to copy you! :-) :-). On that front, remember to play around with pulling some hair lose around your hairline -- experiment and get a trusted friend who can give you opinions on what looks good, and perhaps let everyone else be in the category "it's none of your business", until you want to share with them or you could give two bits, doesn't matter ... because you've realized it is what YOU think about YOU that is crucial, and the only answer there is love.
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Permalink Reply by Carissa on
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I'm sure your friends will understand. I went through the same situation a month ago. I have recently lost at least %80 of the hair on my head, rather quickly. So it was pretty obvious that I was going to have to do something. Though, I've had this disease for forever! And my friends have been my friends since elementary school. But I'm the kind of person who doesn't like telling people about it, cause I see the pity thing too. And you're right, kids are just so honest, and you know they can't help it. They're curious, they want to know why you don't have hair. And a lot of adults are like that too.
But the most important thing is to tell your closest, and most trusted friend first. Tell them that you're losing more hair and would feel a lot more comfortable having a wig on. That should be all they need. I'm sure they won't mind.
And it's usually standard for a person to feel a small amount of pity towards you. That's normal, I think. Just like I feel sorry for my friends. :) They have to shave their legs nearly every other day, and I don't. :D I know it's all on how you look at it. And at some point you'll hate yourself, then at some point you'll hate everyone else. But I think that's normal too. It takes time to adjust and accept things that you can't change. And I think all of us here have a right to complain a little bit. :)
But, hopefully your friends will/have understood what you're going through and can try to sympathize and be the friend that you need now. And if not, there's always those here who do understand. So, you're definitely not alone in your feelings, and there's a whole lot of people here to offer support or an ear, if you ever need. :D
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Permalink Reply by Ashley Garrett on
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ALRIGHT I DID IT!!!!! AND I WAS ALL WORKED UP FOR NOTHING!! THEY LOVED THAT I FELT COMFORTABLE ENOUGH WITH THEM TO TELL THEM SOMETHING SO PERSONAL AND THEY JUST HUGGED ME :) I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER THAT I DONT HAVE TO "HIDE" FROM THEM AND THAT I DONT HAVE TO LIE TO THEM ALL THE TIME!!! I THINK I WEIGH 100LBS LESS LOL! I FEEL SO FREE!!!! NO I ACTUALLY WANT TO SHAVE MY HEAD :) IT WOULD JUST BE SO MUCH EASIER THEN HAVING TO GET ALL THE GLUE OUT OF MY HAIR AT NIGHT... IT HURTS SO BAD! BUT I DONT KNOW BECAUSE THE REMOVER BURNS MY SKIN AND ITS OS PAINFUL! ANYWAYS THANKS SO MUCH EVERYONE FOR ALL YOUR HELP!! I AM SO GLAD THAT I HAVE YA'LL TO TALK TO :) I AM TRULY BLESSED TO KNOW YOU ALL :):):):):):)
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wooo! :D Good for you! Lol, I'm not brave enough to shave my head, but hey-whatever works for you! But, wait-glue? You put glue in your hair? Ouchie... and you pull it out at night? Yea, you'd think shaving your head would be much simpler...not to mention, pain-free!
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Permalink Reply by BaldGirlsDoLunch.org on
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You sound really happy and I'm so glad for you. The anticipation is always much more of an ordeal than just being open about it.People really are so accepting.
Are you using the right adhesive release for your glue? If you are there should be no pain. Maybe the remover burns because there's a skin irritation from the adhesive the night before. Perhaps you're getting an allergic reaction to the particular adhesive. You'll want to get that sorted out before you cause more pain or worse start an infection in the skin.
Thea
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ewww i would hate to get an infection!!! thanks i am really happy:) so much better then the other day lol!! thanks for all your help and advice :) the places it burns is where i shaved my hair line... it hurts so bad when i put the glue on and just as bad when i use the remover to get it off.. is there anything i can do about the skin irritation??
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The burning feeling is a message.
You need to keep all products off of it until the skin heals. Keep it clean and dry.
In the meantime, see if you can adhere it with something less irritating. Can you use double stick wig tape in other areas for a while? or switch off to another system while finding a less irritating adhesive? If might be you can go back to this one if you have the correct adhesive release for it. There is a website wigsupport.com where the women there have lots of experience/ideas about all the products.
Thea
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i wouldnt have thought to keep the prodocts off of my skin till it healed so thanks for the warning!!! im going to check out that website right now!!! thanks again for all you help Thea :)
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Permalink Reply by Petra on
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Maybe the combination of shaving and then using the glue is what is causing the irritation. I agree with Thea you should keep all products off of it until the skin heals. Maybe you are having some kind of allergic reaction - have you thought about seeing your dermatologist???
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well i dont have insurance so a trip to the dermatologist would cost alot of $$$$ lol it maybe me well spent tho...i think im gonna try and save up so money to go see them anyways tho cause i have other ?'s too. thanks petra :)
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Hey Ashley
I've recently developed eczema on my hands and find soaking them in Chamomille tea helps (can buy at any super market, Trader Joes [my favorite store], get the pure chamomille one, and brew a strong cup with a couple tea bags). So, in your case you'd have to put a wash cloth (soaked in the tea) over your head for a half an hour or so, perhaps while blogging :-) or watching TV. It should also help form new skin faster, just like a long bath does (with old skin peeling off faster). We've used it for a long time for a variety of things (got rid of my wife's stomach problems when we were first married), one web-site indicates "Chamomile tea has been regarded as a medicinal cure-all ... Now, researchers in England have found new evidence that the chamomile tea may actually help relieve a wide range of health ailments". Maybe it will grow back hair!!!
When I used to wear a hair piece, I'd use a role of double sticky tape (1/2" wide about), and cut it to size. One can get by with very little -- just around the edges of the piece (not even the full edge, perhaps 30% to 50% of it, focusing on the "corners"), and it usually lasted me 2 - 3 days before I had to change it out with new tape (and that's in the Phoenix AZ area, where it's hot! but dry, fortunately). Also, often I'd stick new tape over the old tape one time, because I'd have to pull the tape from my hair piece less often and hence it did less damage to my hair pieces. My wife doesn't use anything with her wigs, but she does have shorter hair underneath so ...? FYI also -- I never wore my piece at night, and often did not wear it at home. Although per my "friend reply" to you, the gentlemen at the salon told me for one of the famous actors he did, no one ever saw him without it (i.e. he wore it to bed, etc).
BTW, when I wore pieces, the cheapest custom made pieces (i.e. from measurements) I found was at: AH Group, perhaps talk with Lu there (718-777-0006) and tell her I sent you (Reto), she might remember me. She's very nice and should be helpful. I got someone local here who dealt with this type of stuff to do the form on my head and do the measurement, but Lu can probably tell you how to do it, and I'm sure they sell tape too. Here's their website as well. http://www.custom-toupee.com/aboutus.html
Hey, finally please add feedback on my latest posting / discussion:
"Anyone eat seafood regularly? Some substantial claims regarding seafood and autoimmune diseases, also mineral deficiency findings" -- and first the first reply
I'm so glad you wrote me / shared your friend comment. You lifted my spirits tonight. Cheers.
P.S. Hair pieces aren't that hot to wear -- might talk to Lu about this too in regard to lacing types. Remember there too that women have an advantage over men as they have to show less hairline, at least in a longer hair type of styles, so that's a consideration in getting the more fragile lace types. Speaking of which, a key is pulling some hair lose from the edge of the piece around the hair line -- so there are strands of hair lying loose over/around parts of the hair line, making everything look much more natural :-)
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