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Permalink Reply by R0BB on July 2, 2011 at 7:38am

Hi -

I got to the point recently where I was just fed up with having to deal with the longevity of the shedding stage.
Day after day , the hair all over the floor , in the drain , on the brush etc etc . Its like we become a prisoner to the shedding cycle and feel there is no choice but to wait it out and hope that just maybe the fallout will stop while we can still be accepting of our appearance.

Granted , I believe it is much more common for a guy to walk around with a shaved head these days rather than a girl but this wasnt always the case. Things have changed over the past ten years or so , as far as fads , styles etc . I think that theres a I am Myself and I dont care what anyone thinks mentality out there and society's fashion guidelines have morphed into - wear and look however you want.

It was easier for me - to just shave the 50% of hair I had left and take hold of my situation instead of it controlling me.
Funny , once i did shave it off , the shedding stage and all its horrible glory instantly disappeared. So did the painstaking task of hiding my appearance and feeling like some sort of circus freak. I no longer was looking in the mirror saying to myself " This looks aweful " Rather I was saying " Hey , I used to have a hair problem ... but now Ive eliminated my hair - and my problem ! "

I betcha your daughter would accept a smooth scalped you more than the slightly shocking half a head of hair thing ya got going now. Just my opinion .

Also , regardless of my alopecia issues , Ive always thought chicks look sexy in hats , so theres alwasy that option to consider once ya do shave your eggplant. And , since joining up here a few months ago , I had NO IDEA how good some of these wigs look that you ladys wear. Thats another option .

All in all , taking control of the situation was very empowering (*spelling ? ) for me . Its like I gave the virtual FINGAH to my alopecia and told it to " F " OFF .

Take your control back .... and start enjoying life in Gotham City once again .

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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on July 2, 2011 at 9:27am

I find people are most comfortable with symmetry: all hair or no hair at all. Alopecia spots are too confusing for them to pinpoint who we are. As for me, I wear a black scarf with flowers on it when sleeping around most other people.

Could you tell your daughter it would make you happy if she loved you no matter what, just as you would love her?
Could she become more familiar with your head if she used face-paint on it to create a design now and then?

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Permalink Reply by Karen Clendenin on July 2, 2011 at 11:04am

Hi,
I shaved the remainder of my hair off a few weeks ago, and it has been a huge relief! Emotionally, I found it difficult to look at the sparse and uneven hair. The added bonus is that my wigs are more comfortable to wear and the blue-liner tape I use on them sticks great to bald scalp!

For sleeping, I usually wear a buff twisted into a little cap.

You don't mention how old your daughter is...mine is 5, and I can tell you that she has adapted wonderfully to my shaved head! She definitely prefers me with a wig on, but she is very accepting and loving of me when she sees me without one.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

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Permalink Reply by Emory on July 2, 2011 at 4:01pm

I agree with Karen. I have AU that started out of the blue in the middle of April. It was very traumatic seeing all the hair in my hands, my brush, the drain, etc. It got to a point where my husband would have to be by my side when I'd brush or wash my hair and he'd clear away the hair before I could even notice how much I've lost.

When I had such little hair that I couldn't go out without a week (about one week after it started), I cut the rest of my hair off. It was the best decision for me. I finally shaved it off clean with a razor a few days ago. I think it actually looks the better now than it did when it was sparse and sad. It's also so much easier to wear my wigs and not pull off my remaining hairs with the tape.

My son is only 13 months but I expect at some point soon he'll start asking why I have no hair at home and really long dark hair when we go out (I always wear a wig outside of the house).

Whatever decision you make, is that right decision for you. For me, the decision was essentially already made since I lost over 95% of my hair, but I felt so much better about my situation when the shedding was finally done.

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Permalink Reply by Teri C on July 2, 2011 at 8:22pm

It was a very hard decision for me to shave my head. But seeing all the hair everywhere and trying to cover my spots was really stressing me out. When I did shave I had a friend do it, I thought I would cry but I didn't and I never looked back! It was such a relief!! Honestly! I am 48 and my daughter is 22, she had a very hard time seeing me! Just be yourself, your kids love you!!
Good luck:)

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Permalink Reply by holyhairlossbatman!! on July 3, 2011 at 12:56am

Thanks so much for the input guys. You know, in the 80s I was kinda punk and I did shave parts of my head then. And then I have shaved the back before as part of an assymetrical style. Yes. I think that maybe I am ready. I can really appreciate that it is probably worse to watch it go. A few days ago I took a picture of what was on the drain. It was just so incredible I felt like I should somehow preserve the process for future years.

My daughter is almost 10, but she is special needs and functions at about 5 or 6. She really, really wants to be the one to shave my head and I do think that participating might make it easier for her. We went swimming today and I ordered this really cute swim cap from ebay but it hasn't come yet and she was stunned that I would go swimming with my hair not covered. She begged me to wear a wig, so I did. It wasn't a bad experience for me. It was my gardening and trash taking out wig which is pretty ugly anyway.

I asked her why it bothered her and she said that people would think I was dying. I think she associates hair loss with illness and I am having an actual major illness right now that became acute right around the time that I had my hair loss awakening, so that might explain some of her anxiety. I had cancer 2 years ago, but only had surgery 3 times- no chemo- so it isn't a reminder of that. Who knows what goes on in their little heads? She is hitting an early puberty, so she is probably high on raging hormones on top of everything else. Ack!

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Permalink Reply by Lisa Santer on July 3, 2011 at 8:48am

I think no path is universally best. That said, I believe I have a lot of company in having experienced immense relief when I got the remainders shaved. My hair has come and go a number of times over the last 3+ decades. The transition phases are oh so much harder than the stable ones! Shaving the fading hair shortens that transition. I stop thinking about all the hair I'm seeing around, and the tangles created by the loose ones in the back, and can "they" see the hole(s), and just live bald.

Shaving the remainders can be a peculiarly lovely bonding experience if you choose to do it with a person/people who care about you. Together, you are taking some control in what often feels like an out of control experience (for you and for them). I bet you're right that participating in shaving your head would make your daughter feel better. If you're not sure how she'd do with a razor, you could have her start by cutting the long hairs with scissors and then you finish with a razor.

BTW, I strongly recommend the headblade razor and headslick shaving gel. The headblade is specifically for heads, and looks/feels kinda like a toy. Used with headslick, nicks are very rare, and the shaving goes fast whether I do it or someone else does it for me.

Whatever you decide, good luck!

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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on July 3, 2011 at 9:19am

I agree about the support person. I actually made that shaving aspect a secret goal for my vacation, so my "coming out" could be shared with someone, at a special place. I wonder how many people took that final step while in the presence of other alopecians at the conference?

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Permalink Reply by R0BB on July 4, 2011 at 12:11pm

I took that final step ... in my bathroom ... I think the cat was staring at me .

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Permalink Reply by Cindie on July 25, 2011 at 1:28pm

I couldn't take looking at the "ugly patches"....they looked so unhealthy, so I shaved it all offf years ago, and am SO GLAD I did.

I have little cotton skullcaps (that match my nightgowns) that I wear at night...more for others' comfort than mine. I bought them in a "Korean wig store" in an African-American neighborhood for $1.99 each.

Good look and many blessings in finding a solution that YOU are comfortable with.

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Permalink Reply by holyhairlossbatman!! on August 2, 2011 at 12:17pm

Ok, BIG update. I did shave totally, and one of the reasons that I did it was to see exactly what I was dealing with. The official diagnosis is androgenic alopecia, but I suspected alopecia areata as well. So...I shaved and I have been waiting and now that I have regrowth in I consider the verdict in: yes diffuse thinning, but MANY, MANY SMALL CIRCLES- SPOTS!!I get the feeling from reading posts that everyone else's spots are really big, and my biggest bald spot is actually just very diffusely bald, but all these really small spots. Holy cow, I'VE GOT SPOTS!! Time to run to that blasted dermatologist again. Ok, so tell me, is it common to have more than one type? Thanks.

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