Is it deceptive to wait and tell someone that you're wearing a wig?

i was recently on a dating site and never disclosed alopecia. i only felt comfortable posting pictures of me wearing my wig (and don't even have any of me as an adult and wig-less). i've since quit the site (largely due to what i will describe below) but am still wondering about disclosure, etc.

as someone who has had alopecia (AU, totalis) most of her life...i feel like i'm in the remedial section of the Coping with Alopecia class by not being more upfront, particularly when it comes to dating...!

so, here are the questions i'm posing:

(1) how do you reconcile wanting to feel 'normal' but also not being deceptive?

(2) do any other wig-wearers out there also feel like a weaker alopecian / outsider amongst alopecians for wearing a wig?

thanks, everyone...i'm so grateful that this site exists...! friends and family, as supportive as they are, often can't relate.

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Permalink Reply by Liz on August 19, 2011 at 8:17pm
I am a college professor in small rural town. I am very independent, well educated and somewhat successful. I'm not saying this to brag. I have had MANY men reject me when they found out about my PhD and I have had no one that I know of who has rejected me because of my hair loss problem. I'm not sure what my point is here. Maybe I'm just throwing out a new point of view.
Permalink Reply by NYCGirlie on August 19, 2011 at 11:04pm
Amen Liz!! This female pattern hair loss journey is semi-new to me so this dating topic scares me! But I have to remember all the positives I have to offer- I am educated, intelligent, cute, and most importantly healthy! I am learning to deal with this as I go and getting support wherever I can. I am leaning towards letting nature take its course and wearing a wig as opposed to becoming my doctor's experiment of trying rogaine, propecia and hormones. I am healthy but just happen to be losig my hair slowly but surely. Hey poeple get fake boobs, fake nails, and most celebs have fake hair weaves so why is this any different?! Just dealing with the hand I am now dealt with
Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on August 20, 2011 at 12:41pm
I just go by what is NORMAL FOR ME, not normal for my culture. Normal for my household is wearing no wig at home, but wearing a wig in public. If I am hot and am on a road where no one sees me, or am with an accepting friend, I will remove my wig (this has been just since May, 2011. Baby steps.). Normal for me is no longer getting shots, creams, pills or appointments for alopecia.

The weak ones are those who cannot be flexible or accepting of the needs and choices of others.

As for deception, consider clothing, bras, toilets, refridgeration, motor vehicles, prosthetics, heart surgery, cruthes and wheelchairs, glasses and contacts, false teeth and hearing aids. If the Greater Power didn't want us to deceive nature, he/she/it wouldn't have made us intelligent enough to invent these things...wigs included!
Permalink Reply by Ktownnana on August 20, 2011 at 3:40pm
AMEN!
Permalink Reply by Mandabear on December 12, 2012 at 4:44pm

Love this!!

Permalink Reply by Liz on August 21, 2011 at 8:49am
After I first wrote to you, I was just contacted by an old high school friend about going on a date. I immediately thought about this discussion, since I haven't talked to him that much since high school and I'm now middle aged. (I don't think he knows that I wear a wig) I actually had a lot of questions about problems or traumas that HE has been through. I guess you could consider asking the guy to disclose something about himself and then you disclose something about yourself. My hair loss would probably not be the first thing on the list of things that he might want to know.

Just more food for thought.
Permalink Reply by Diane on February 22, 2013 at 12:12am

yes-do those with false breasts, nails, eyelashes, etc disclose right away? I don't think so

Permalink Reply by Ktownnana on February 23, 2013 at 12:30pm

Absolutely Diane!

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