Alopecia World
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It is not just hair because other people won't let me forget I am bald
Last weekend I got brave and just wore a skull cap scarf in public for the first time. It's been over 100 F here. I got some questioning and startled looks, but I was ready to answer the questions about cancer. Then, the creepiest reaction ever happened. I was staying the weekend with a friend who was house sitting. The house came with the adult son of the owner playing video games in an upstairs bedroom every evening. I was told he didn't live there, but he didn't have much money so he came over to use his mom's game system. I hadn't seen my friend for a long time and was anxious to catch up with her. I just waved a friendly hello at the guy and walked on. As I did that, it seemed like his eyes lit up when he saw me. I thought it was a little odd but ignored it. My friend and I talked and laughed until it was time for bed. Then, the guy came downstairs and asked if we wanted to smoke some weed. I haven't been asked about drugs since I was a teenager. We were confused and just said no. He went back upstairs to play more video games. After he left, I realized he thought I had medical marijuana for chemo nausea. His eyes lit up because he thought I was a source of drugs. It scared me to think my bald head might make me a target for drug vultures!
Having read others experiences on this web page, I was prepared for dumb questions about being a dyke or concerns about cancer. I never expected to be a target for potheads. It's not just hair. I forget I am bald at home with loved ones all the time. It's the assumptions other people make about me because I have a shaved head that make this so hard.
I wish I had a t-shirt that said "This is not a political statement and I don't have cancer. I am just bald."
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Cindie on
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I love that tee shirt idea....can you get a prototype made up??? I have a feeling that it would be a best seller!
But yes, that was a "weird" experience. And if my child (who is 35 years old), approached a friend who was staying with me the way you were approached, she would be reprimanded by her "old, no-hair having momma!"
Where I come from (the old school African American community of "respect your elders or else suffer the consequences"), it's called "stay out of grown folks' business" -- and that goes whether you are 5, 15, 25, 35, or 45 and interacting with those older than you!
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Permalink Reply by asdf234 on
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Thanks, it helps to feel validated by you. It is so good not to be alone on this! I know a blogger that publishes quotes on shirts by the piece. I look into how difficult it would be to set up. I do think we need more empowering humor.
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Hi! I did it! I just made a t-shirt on zazzle.com You should be able to find it if you search alopecia. It was fun. I am willing to take suggestions for changes (like if you hate the font etc) and different sizes. Thanks for helping me make lemonade from the lemons life handed me :-).
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I think that it is funny how people are quick to judge appearances. But just remember, you are judging as well. We can all learn acceptance.
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"Judging" and "Bashing" are two different things. I can look at someone with long blonde hair and "judge" that it is right for them but not for me. But if I say nasty things about their long blonde hair, then I am "bashing."
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Permalink Reply by Norm on
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Subtle differences in meaning can be very important. Cindie, as someone in the legal profession, I expect you know the difference between "unlawful" and "illegal".
Yep.... one's against the law, and the other's a sick bird :)
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I would say it was a bit judgmental to assume that all drug users are scanning the room for medical marijuana. I just thought it was exceptionally funny that she was mistaken for someone who has medical marijuana because of her hat. I don't think all pot smokers are vultures. In addition, there was a dercernibly negative tone in referrence to the person who was being friendly by asking her if she wanted to smoke weed. He didn't sound like a vulture. Look, I am not a pot smoker, just an additions counselor and I realize there is a lot of judgment about drug use as well as hair loss . I was just suggesting that we could all do with a bit of acceptance.
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I am sure people on here are trying to be gently correcting in their comments, and I appreciate that. I am just a little too obtuse to understand what I said wrong. I do accept lesbians and cancer patients. I have a lot of compassion for their struggles. My frustration is that my image no longer represents me. I used to look like a somewhat boring, middle-aged mom. Now, in my skull caps, I either look like a cancer patient or some tough rebel. Or if I wear my wigs, I look a bit too fabulous- like I spend a lot of time in the salon. None of these represent who I really am. I just want to be truthful and have people treat me like I used to be treated before I lost my hair. For example, last week, I took all my dogs to a vet and after the shots and tests, I tried to get treatment for my 13 yr old arthritic dog. I was wearing my skull cap, and although I noticed the vet looked at me oddly, I tried to keep a positive attitude, be cheerful, and keep to the business at hand. I asked if he had any stronger pain medication for my dog because the Remedyle wasn't working. He looked at me like I was a drug addict and said it wasn't their policy to prescribe anything stronger. Would he have said that if I didn't look like this? I don't know. He is a new vet and we don't know each other. I have other friends who have been able to get their dog's pain treated effectively with stronger meds. Is my dog paying for the impression I give off? I am just frustrated and venting. I am really not trying to offend anyone. Sorry if I have.
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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I am middle-aged and felt when I lost all my hair that I looked like my grandpa, who I only knew as bald. My gaining that middle-age weight didn't help the matter. What I did to not feel like Grandpa (I got his eye color and cheekbones) was to wear more make-up and bigger earrings than I did before losing my hair, so that even in a hat or scarf, there would be NO MISTAKE. I do not go for the up-swept or poofy wig looks of the old female relatives at a sixties wedding reception; instead, I look for wigs that could be casual-yet-professional for teaching. Hats with brims (see Wallaroo hats online) are what I am currently thinking about for outings (I may find similar ones for cheaper locally at sports stores or garden supply stores).
Oprah's make-up artist once told her before the Oscars that if you get the eyebrows on right, it makes everything else go right. Something like that. Ever since then, eyebrow powder has become my best friend, and some blush and lipstick also in the car make-up bag can remedy any errand fears. Sometimes, even the middle-aged can become artists!
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