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Just need to get my thoughts together
I've been suffering from pretty traumatizing hair loss since about August, and recently got diagnosed with Alopecia in November. It's not so much patches, but all over thinning and hair loss. In reality, I still look like I have a full head of hair to everyone around me, but I can tell the difference. I see pictures of my hair from before this, and all I can think about it "Look how much hair I used to have..."
And now, I obsess over my hairline, and frequently touch the crown of my head where I can feel the most thinning. It doesn't come out on my pillow, or my clothing that much, but there is always a ton in the shower drain and when I comb my hair. I recently made the mistake of reaching into the trashcan where I deposit the hair I've lost after combing, and pulled out a handful. I broke down a little, realizing that all this hair used to be on my head, and if this is how much has fallen out in the past week or so, how much have I lost since August. It's like my brain can't process it.
I know it could be worse. I could have a debilitating sickness or chronic pain, but I'm just having a really hard time with this. I'm constantly stressing over when I'll look in the mirror and finally realize that my hair loss is noticeable to everyone else as well. I don't have a lot of confidence or self-esteem, so the idea of shaving my head feels so scary. I fantasize about finally doing it, just getting it over with, but I feel like a woman needs to have some serious confidence to be able to do that...confidence that I just don't have.
Part of me really believes that I'll wake up one morning, and my hair will just...stop falling out. I still have hope, since I still seem to have a full head of hair after four months of shedding, but with that train of thought comes the negative. Things like "Well, yeah...you don't see it now, but it can't fall out like this forever without it eventually being noticeable."
At this point, I would be ECSTATIC if it would just STOP FALLING OUT. I could deal with the amount of hair I still have left. It's just so frustrating dreading everyday things like showering and brushing my hair. I really just want my life back.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by chris for hair on
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In fact, it could happen that your hair will stop falling, but IF it does not stop, you need to know that today there is more information, and more products to help than ever before. While it may be awhile before there is a cure, hair loss is being taken seriously for the first time and there are many treatments in testing.
If a treatment or cure does not happen soon enough, the new replacement products are better than ever, just be very careful because there are also many scams out there. The Internet is good and bad in that it brings out the good in people and also the predatory tactics of marketers that just want to make money.
Shaving is a last resort and most women do not need to go that far. Start with pieces (toppers etc.) if that will be enough, then if you need a full wig, the synthetics are good to start with to see if you can accept the psychological issues surrounding wearing wigs. The synthetics may not be comfortable for some people, but they are not a huge investment either. Once you know you will wear a wig you can always upgrade.
Believe me, there is always hope. In 2000 I wrote and had published a book about living with chronic pain thinking I could never be helped because I had already lived with it 25 years. After the book was published, I actually did get much better by following my own advice...Today, pain is not an issue, I train horses, work in the hair business and have a very full filling life. We can ALWAYS get better. Believe in yourself. You are worth that with or without hair.
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Permalink Reply by Christine on
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I'm sorry you are going through this right now, I've been there and in a very different way, I'm going through learning to accept the new me right now. My hair loss took ten years, it would cycle from major shedding like you said, especially noticeable when I washed it or combed it. then it would stop shedding and at times completely grow back, during those ten years nearly to the end, most couldn't believe how little hair I had, or how much I had lost, but I knew it, I just buzzed off my hair this summer, and still get a bit of a shock at seeing how little bio hair I really had left, it's such a surprise to see my bald head, it helps that I've been on this site and another during nearly all of the past ten years, so I've seen so many women without hair, I guess I'm kind of use to the "look" Still it is a big change for sure. That all being said, your hair may stop falling out all grow back and you may never have to face what I did. You are new to this right now, and you have that on your side. So try not to be so hard on yourself, it helps to have supportive people around you, I've had a few which has helped me, and I've gotten so much help from the relationships I've developed on here :) The hardest part for me is my husband, who didn't want me to shave the hair that was causing me so much pain...always falling out, not getting better, having to see that on the side of the tub everyday, and the handful of hair I would comb out several times a day, not being able to go outside because of the wind...I could go on and on, but what I will say now is that Pain is gone! I have a wonderful hair system and can go about my life without the self conscious feeling I had everyday. He still lets me know that he doesn't like my bald head, but I know that God is at work in this situation with me, and that helps a great deal. Try and hang in there, you have already thought about solutions if it gets too bad, and you do still have hope, hang onto that.
Chris
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Permalink Reply by Missy on
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AllButOne,
I could have written this post. I feel exactly the same way. All I do is stress and think about my hair. I hate it. I try to be positive about it but fear and anxiety overwhelm me. How are you doing now? I see this post is from a few weeks ago.
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I'm actually doing well! I don't know what changed, but my hair loss has pretty much stopped, and now there is a normal amount of hair falling out (<15 hairs a day). I don't know why, but I'm not complaining. I'm also not getting my hopes up that this is the last I'll see of my alopecia, but for right now, I'm enjoying all the little hairs growing in my thinner spots and relishing in the fact that I can comb and wash my hair now without the stress and anxiety.
Missy, I'll be thinking about you and sending you happy, hairy thoughts! My best advice is to try not to stress about it so much. I feel like my hair loss really slowed down when I accepted that it's happening and I'll have to deal with it whether I agonize over it or not, so why bother. I hope things start looking bright for you soon! :)
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